i have a big question for those who struggled or are still struggling with being pre-t for so long. i'm 18 and I've been identifying as a man for close to three years now, but now as i grow older and more and more aware of my issues and dysphoria, it's become harder and harder for me to stand just going out in public or just looking in the mirror and knowing that i have a clean hairless face, a lack of muscle, a not very masculine voice (my voice is deep for what i am but i don't feel like it's enough) wide hips, semi-femine features. it probably won't be a while until i can start testosterone and while i do pass as a male for now, it's not enough. did any of you have issues walking around in public and seeing men with beards and muscle and etc. and then just you realize you won't have any of those for a while? binding is stressful since i have no money and my binder doesn't work as well as it use to and now i'm just more conscious of my chest and how i have to constantly make sure it's hidden. blah blah blah sh*t sucks
so how did or do you guys deal with it? i feel like i'm going to lose it.

I quite literally secluded myself from everyone and watched/read stuff about other transguygs whenever I was super dysphoric. I don't know why but it helped.

There are safe ways to change your body / appearance pre t, which help your confidence.

Example being getting a full torso binder to squish your hips a bit. You also need to watch out for the material of shirts you get.

Me? I play music, sleep, eat, play video games or buy myself clothes that fit well and make me feel masculine.

A change in how you look can help too, so clothes as I mentioned or a haircut, maybe experimenting with hair styles ect.

I'll be pre t for around another 3 - 4 years, so it's a feeling some us of need to get used to, but there's always thing you can do to help


-Matthew

Though I'm not pre-T ill share how I felt pre-T. When I was 16 I decided I wanted to transition, but at that time there was no way anyone below the age of 18 was able to start on hormones. The requirements the government had was a minimum of 18 years of age, not married and completely sterile in order to start hormone treatment and get surgery. So I had to wait until I was 18 and then get in line to see the "investigation" team. When I was 18 I got a referral to the team through a therapist which was also required,one couldn't just show up at the investigation teams door. Then I had to wait 6 months until it was my turn since it was alot of people waiting for their turn. The team was one "chief" doctor that had the final say, one therapist and one psychologist. When it was my turn I had to go trough 1 year of evaluation. I had to do all sorts of things which I wont bring up right now but it was pretty ****** up now that I think about it. After 1 year I got my diagnosis and then I had to wait 6 months until I got my hormones. So I started hormones 1 week after I turned 20 years of age even though I had been ready for it for 4 years.

I recognize alot of what you are feeling, I also had times when I felt like I didn't even wanna leave the house. I didn't wanna get a job because I was afraid they would find out I was a biological female and I felt envy towards alot of guys that I met. I would get ->-bleeped-<- from one guy in particular that hung out with a bunch of people that I knew. He would say stuff like "I totally would think you was a guy if you didn't have such a soft face/skin" and "you wish you had a beard like mine right" and I would always shrugg it off and never let him know how it would actually get to me.

I stopped hanging out in that group and then I met him by accident about 2 years after I started T and I had even more beard than he had and a deeper voice and he was just like damn I'm sorry dude but you make me feel like less of a man now. And that felt so good it was like a slap in his face I didn't say anything about it I just smiled and there was no need for words I felt like.

About the binding, I hated that almost more than not being on T , luckily I live in a cold country so i welcomed the winters when I could hide under a jacket and big sweaters because I was always adjusting the binder, feeling like it didn't do its job and everyone could tell what I was hiding even though my friends always would reassure me that nothing showed.

I always passed as male before T unless someone would give me up. But that kinda in a way made it harder for me too because I was thinking about how I was talking/walking and my binder 100% of the day making sure nobody would find out somehow and that was draining all my energy.

my mind during this time was constantly in this mode "it will get better" "it will get better" just 12more months , then just 6 more months and so on. I wont lie it was hard as hell but I tried to keep my mind in a constant future mode. I would day dream about what I would look like, how my life would be 10 years from now. What kind of father I would be etc. And when I had to be out in public and really didn't feel like it and was having a super dysphonic day about my body I would just put my headphones in listen to music and daydream away and not give a damn about the people that was around me.

This turned into a super long post sorry about that haha

Luckily for me, I have martial arts background, so meditating and then beating the sh*t out of inanimate objects is normal. 

But seriously, find something you really like doing and when you feel dysphoric, take it out of yourself and translate it into that:
Like to draw? Make a cartoon about dysphoria.
Like to write? Scribble down all the negative thoughts, then follow that with a pile of affirmations of your masculine self.
Like music? Play your heart out or listen to your fave tunes, or write a new song!
Gamer? Go create a new male character and shoot down your dysphoria.

Also, talk! To your counselor or psychiatrist, they will have ideas for you to help you deal with this long term. To a friend or family member you are out to.

Remember, you are not alone.

The best advice I can give is to find something that will occupy your mind away from negative thoughts. I write and I actually built up something like fifty short stories around whatever was bothering my on any given day.

You can also start looking at small changes you can make. Work out extra, even if its just doing push ups, buy a different style pants, change your hairstyle and the like. All of those were things I did to get myself through before I was on T. If you have any skill with sewing or you know someone who does and your binder isn't too damaged you can try taking it in a bit.

Is there a counselor and therapist that you can speak with? A good therapist is worth their weight in gold and can help you find coping mechanisms.

Honestly I still get that, I haven't started T yet and probably wont for a while now.

But one thing that helps me a lot, is introverted hobbies, and reading up on/talking to other transmen.
You can vent to us, you can talk to us, and we'll get it. Even if we wont always 100% agree with everything, because we are all different, we UNDERSTAND where you're coming from, and the hardships you're enduring.
This is my biggest comfort in life when it comes to soothing dysphoria.

My second, is hobbies like drawing (Which I turned into a career! WOO!) reading, archery, video games, writing, etc.
All of these things can be done 100% alone, or through a monitor with other people.
Monitors are my safety net, I love them dearly.


But don't worry, with a community, some good distractions, and even a counselor/therapist who's versed on trans issues, you can find yourself in a much safer feeling place.

it was a mindset man. i just refused to let it (being pre-T) wear me down because i knew that eventually i would get what i want (hormones) and i did. i waited and i paid my dues like everyone else has to. some of us have to wait longer and others, but eventually we all get it right? there was no point for me to focus on the things that i was unhappy about myself because it would just become a habit. life's too short to dwell. if you're not planning to change/improve the aspect of yourself that you're analyzing, then discard the thought of it and replace the thought with something you love about yourself. enjoy the journey of being pre-T while it lasts so you can enjoy the journey of being on hormones even more.