Im 39 Django. When i arrived I wasnt sure how things work in the netherlands and maybe I wasnt ready yet? I got then sidelined into life and a job and didnt know how to break the inertia to deal with my feelings.
Yeah is tough to have these feeling but knowing no one or not being able to trust anyone with these feelings. Maybe if you contacted a therapist or psychologist they can point you in the right direction or put you in contact with a support group that has people your age going through similar things? In hindsight I should of done that sooner than I did.

That lady I am not sure if she recognized me LOL, I definitely recognized her though. I could of died though when i saw her.

There may not be a waiting list in holland, is only because i am living in Australia and they seem to be backwards here for this sort of issue.
Ohhhh I miss the netherlands funnily enough