Hello everyone!

So I am currently in the process of transitioning and I am really wanting to take my next big step... going out in public presenting as female. I am very nervous, but I think I would "pass" in terms of looks but otherwise (mannerisms, voice, etc) I'm not sure. The big issue is how nervous I am, as I am sure everyone is. Any advice as to where I should go, what I should do, and how to ease my nerves a bit? Thanks so much!

Try going someplace out of the way. A store or mall that you don't normally frequent. There will be less chance of running into someone you know. Go into a couple stores at the mall and buy something small or ask the clerk where an item is located. That will give you a chance to practice your voice.

Stay out of bars as those can be pickup places and probably a bit too much pressure for your first time out.

Good Luck. You will do fine.

sam1234

I agree about going a little outside of the neighborhood. It made me feel less intense.

How about bookstores or the movies? I feel like those place have some built-in distractions and coverage in case you get overwhelmed.

Wider open places like the grocery store or restaurants were a little bit tougher for me at first.

Just remember that fear comes from the same place as excitement! ;-)

Where are you completely comfortable, and could 'act' naturally if you decided to walk in there completely naked.

For me it's a sports bar with a game on. I know those type of guys, I know the rules and it's an environment I can relax and be myself in. If it was a bar after 5, no matter how well I presented you could of seen something was off.

Shopping centers are not bad as you can walk around,  buy some food, window shop and maybe even do some shopping for real. Plus if you feel up to it, you can even try on and buy some more clothes.

Quote from: Cole 1994 on February 18, 2015, 10:07:22 PM
Any advice as to where I should go, what I should do, and how to ease my nerves a bit?

Here's what I did, FWIW:

At first, I just went out the front door dressed and sat in my car for a few minutes. Seriously, I did this a few times with different outfits until I realized that (a) none of my neighbors was really watching, and (b) no one cared anyway.

Next I decided to get fast food at a drive through. Wendy's is close, but the whole way there I was plagued with thoughts like "what if I'm stopped by the cops" and "what if I'm clocked at the checkout window". Nothing happened except the hamburger buns were soggy.   

My first really public experience was eating at California Pizza Kitchen. My sister went along, which made me feel much safer. The hostess and waitress were nice and called me "Miss". The rest of the time, I had an eyeball lock on sis, so I wouldn't have to see if anyone was staring at me.   

Later we graduated to shopping for dresses at Macy's. At first, I insisted we go in and out a little-used side door - no way was I going in the mall entrance. Before long we were walking the whole mall.

For my first trip alone, I went grocery shopping at Publix. There was no plan - I just grabbed some stuff I didn't need and headed right for the "10 Items or Less" line. I wore my big sunglasses the whole time. Nothing bad happened.

Using this kind of approach, I gradually worked up to doing all the normal day-to-day things by myself. The long buildup probably seems ridiculous, but baby steps really worked for me.

Hope this helps!

The first time I ever presented outside my house was a local support group meeting.  Trust me, *everyone* there will understand how you feel! 

Strangely though, as soon as I stepped through my front door and was outside most of my nervousness went away. 

Good luck, you can do this!

First time I went out I met a friend, I thought we were just going to go to the gay village, but she dragged me into primark (one of the biggest and busiest stores in Manchester). I was terrified! We ended up in a huge pub surrounded by city fans watching the cup final. I was so scared they'd see me, if they'd figured me out I could've been in trouble. Those guys really aren't fond of Utd fans.

In the early days of RLE I liked going to the cinema. You were out in public, but you could limit your visibility and watch a film, so it was win win for me.

First time I went out I took a subway ride to therapy and walked the streets en femme.

Now I am more or less out and about except at work.

I do get clocked/sir'ed now and again but you learn to roll with it.

No trouble at all using public restrooms. However my voice is what outs me as well as the beard shadow. Both are being addressed.

I went to Target and bought some pretty clothes, the girls at the checkout had me read (way before HRT) I didnt care... They were very nice to me anyway... I was hooked, I found that for the most part NOBODY cared.... Eventually I blended in and even began to "pass", it became less and less an act and more and more just me being me  Now a bit more than a year later Im comfortable going ANYWHERE... I never worried about "passing", Im just finally free to be myself, most people tell me by their actions that Im a female now  

If you feel you would "pass" in terms of looks, then why would you be nervous about anything else? You don't have to go out having conversations with strangers, you can just go for a walk or something...

And don't go out until you feel comfortable going out. Rushing into anything, when you feel too stressed and nervous about it, is not the smartest idea.