There are some days when I feel angry that we have to "prove" we are the gender we associate with. The same with HTR. I know the risks and went into it knowing them, but resent having an outside party controlling my testosterone level. I know it is done for my own safety, but sometimes I feel like saying "If your testosterone level was on the high side, maybe you should have one of your testicles removed.

I know that sounds ridiculous, but every once in a while, it gets to me. Has anyone else felt like that at times?

sam1234

I definitely resent having to rely on the pharmaceutical industry to authentically live my life. It's scary knowing just how much your health/well-being is in someone else's hands, particularly when you have to deal with occasional shortages, issues with your prescription, etc. T being such a tightly controlled substance has sometimes made filling my scripts far more difficult than it should be, and that brings this frustration to the surface every time. I'm biased, I know, and I'm grateful I have access to T at all -- but I really, really wish it wasn't treated like some kind of dangerously addictive narcotic.

It absolutely sucks that we weren't born male-bodied and therefore can't make our own T. I have strong feelings about it, but they don't translate to resentment of the medical profession -- it's the hand life dealt me.

If I were a Type I diabetic, I'd hate it, but I wouldn't resent doctors because I needed to take insulin and have my health status monitored. Not being able to manufacture T is pretty much like that: it's a medical condition, and treating it requires fairly close medical supervision, especially for someone my age. It has the potential to interact with other meds I take, and my age makes me more at risk for some of the potential problems it can cause, like raising cholesterol and screwing with my liver. I'd rather not have to get my blood tested every few months for the rest of my life, but if that's the price I pay for being a healthy guy, I'm OK with it.

It doesn't feel to me as if my doctor is "an outside party controlling my testosterone level." Maybe I'm just lucky, but so far, at least, she's treated me like a partner in making decisions about my dosage. That said, I do tend to listen to her advice.

And it may not be addictive, but T is very much a drug of abuse. There's a huge black market, and it's particularly alarming that T and the synthetic steroids are increasingly abused by teenagers, who at a high risk of dangerous consequences. (Keep in mind that abusers may be taking many, many times a therapeutic dose). So, yeah, I get that it's a controlled substance.

Resentment isn't the word I would use, but I understand what you are saying. I don't have resentment but I do have times where I'm less than thrilled. This is exasperated by the fact that I'm having a heck of a time getting a doctor here to treat me and I can't afford to fly back stateside, so I'm a little sensitive on the subject at the moment. Maybe periodically bitter? Occasionally wanting to yell at something? Something like that. And then I flop down and stew in it for a few minutes and go about my day. I have no idea what that would be called in one word.

Though, I'm with Tysilio. I get a little frustrated, but overall I don't harbor any resentment. Having worked in a pharmacy, I actually totally get why meds are controlled. It's crazy just how much of the human body we don't understand fully and it's very easy to seriously damage it.

[ T being such a tightly controlled substance has sometimes made filling my scripts far more difficult than it should be, and that brings this frustration to the surface every time. I'm biased, I know, and I'm grateful I have access to T at all -- but I really, really wish it wasn't treated like some kind of dangerously addictive narcotic.
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I more resent that I have to rely on an outside source instead of making my own. Who ever was in charge of body configuration is going to hear from me, and when I find them, they better be wearing armor.

I don't feel that way all the time. Right now I'm having to change Dr.s because the one I have has problems with transgenders. I'm also having to get my birth certificate changed to male and that requires having a Dr. send a notarized letter to the registrar that I've been treated acceptably and the correct language regarding each surgery has to be used, so i guess I'm a little touchy at the moment.

Life goes on. There will always be ups and downs.

sam1234

QuoteI more resent that I have to rely on an outside source instead of making my own. Who ever was in charge of body configuration is going to hear from me, and when I find them, they better be wearing armor.

Yeah, they might've told us we were standing in the wrong line when they were handing out bodies.

Quote from: Tysilio on February 19, 2015, 06:33:16 PM
Yeah, they might've told us we were standing in the wrong line when they were handing out bodies.

or fired that prankster that sent us to the wrong line.

Sam, from everything you've said about this guy and the way he's mismanaged your dosage, etc., you have every reason to resent the hell out of this particular doctor. I'd be furious.

But there are good ones out there, and I really hope you find one soon.

Quote from: Tysilio on February 19, 2015, 02:49:10 PM
And it may not be addictive, but T is very much a drug of abuse. There's a huge black market, and it's particularly alarming that T and the synthetic steroids are increasingly abused by teenagers, who at a high risk of dangerous consequences. (Keep in mind that abusers may be taking many, many times a therapeutic dose). So, yeah, I get that it's a controlled substance.

To be clear, I understand T has good reason to be scheduled the way it is. From time to time, those regulations just create another obstacle to getting the treatment I need, so it adds to the frustration that is already present from my body not producing the T it should.

I actually love my doctor and have had good experiences with many pharmacists as well. My feelings on this matter don't extend into resentment of them as individuals, or to the medical profession as a whole. It's simply an extension of the general angst of being trans -- needing to go to such lengths to treat my body and then needing to rely wholly upon others for it.

I recognize also that I'm privileged to have access to T, and that trans people are far from the only ones who deal with needing frequent lab work, appointments, etc. Just one of those things that brings up some bitterness every now and then.