I don't recall ever feeling this way before. I vaguely know that when I was younger I had trouble with my body but I taught myself to accept it. That's about all I remember, and I was a fat kid so I'm not even sure how much of it was dysphoria. Some of you probably know I've kinda been struggling with figuring all this trans stuff out, questioning for the last 4 months. I also figure that since right now it doesn't look like I'll ever be able to transition, that's the reason that's keeping me from identifying as male. It always stuck me as odd that although I find myself really wanting to be a guy, I could never say that I actually feel like one, that I am one. That seems to me like a fundamental part of the trans narrative.

Right now though, I feel ridiculous. I feel like a boy that's being made to act like a girl. It feels embarrassing. I don't feel like a man, more like a lost, helpless boy. Isn't it weird that I'm feeling this way for the first time (that I can remember at least) now?

I just don't get the point of my existence anymore.

Hi darkblade,

Yes the way we feel can change and sometimes we can feel miserable.

But we have to keep it in our minds, we can do this. You are a young man who will walk his path. It is a hard path but you will make it.

Cindy

Quote from: darkblade on February 20, 2015, 04:19:36 AM
I don't recall ever feeling this way before. I vaguely know that when I was younger I had trouble with my body but I taught myself to accept it. That's about all I remember, and I was a fat kid so I'm not even sure how much of it was dysphoria. Some of you probably know I've kinda been struggling with figuring all this trans stuff out, questioning for the last 4 months. I also figure that since right now it doesn't look like I'll ever be able to transition, that's the reason that's keeping me from identifying as male. It always stuck me as odd that although I find myself really wanting to be a guy, I could never say that I actually feel like one, that I am one. That seems to me like a fundamental part of the trans narrative.

Right now though, I feel ridiculous. I feel like a boy that's being made to act like a girl. It feels embarrassing. I don't feel like a man, more like a lost, helpless boy. Isn't it weird that I'm feeling this way for the first time (that I can remember at least) now?

I just don't get the point of my existence anymore.

Hi Darkblade I feel your pain, I am a M to F pre op TS, I did not know I was TG for about 40 years of my life, I kept fighting something, I did not know what it was, I am married, have 3 boys and 4 grand kids now, but at the age of 5,  I Knew something was not quite right, Then at the age of 45, I went through Menopause X 10 my Body chemistry was all out of Wack , I could not function anymore and I had to go to a Endocrinologist, he put me on Estrogen, progesterone and Testosterone blockers, that worked great for about 5 years, then my boobs started to grow out, my face became more fem and my demenor became totally female and i had to transition, i had a court ordered name and gender change , and have now been living full time female for 10 years.

The Point of your Existence, is that your are a Loving and Caring Person on a Journey, and have a lot to Offer others,  Dont worry about being Different in Gender, Just be Yourself, in time with some more Knowledge about TG issues, you will be able to choose the right Path for Yourself, type into a google search, Transsexual dot org  they dont want me to post web pages here, so i cant give you the link, anyway, you will find a lot of Answers to your Questions there, you will need to become a Strong person too, being tg is not for the weak, its a tough Road, but you will have a lot of support here on this forum, I have a lot of TG M2F and F2M, gay les and Bi friends, They are awesome people and smart too, Take care and Stay Sweet, Chellie

oh man, I really relate to pretty much everything you said. seriously, I feel like I'm reading an excerpt from my journal or something.

the two lovely ladies who posted before me put their support into words better than I ever could, but I just want to say that I know what you're going through. I still feel like a girl playing the part of a guy every time I post on here - I know I'm not, but I just don't feel like I'm man enough, trans enough, etc... I feel like I wish I was a dude, but I still feel kind of disconnected from the male gender.

ah, I'm just rambling about myself now. but pretty much what I've got to say is this: you're not alone in the things you're feeling. it's hard but we've just gotta push through this. stay safe, hang in there.

((hugs))

Darkblade, you just described my feelings as well too except I'm having thoughts of being MTF.I don't always feel like a girl, and honestly if I was a girl I would probably be tomboyish but I still feel like that maybe on the inside I could actually be a girl. It greatly confuses me because I dont know if this is something I actually want. Am I really a girl or am I mistaken. I just feel disconnected. Maybe one day we will both have our answers.

Hi Cyber Warrior    I got a lot of answers to my Questions when i was Learning about TG issues from Dr Watson, She had a gender Clinic in Canada and posted a lot of very helpful Information, Type in to a Google Search,  Dr Watson Table , Hope that helps, Chellie