I noticed something this past week or so.  I can't quite pin down an exact time but I accepted my self wholly as Jennifer.  I think that sounds strange for someone who has been on this ride for three years and who went full time 9 months ago but it is true.  I am a woman, for better or worse.

I knew what I was, I knew what was happening and I wanted it so much but somewhere, deep down, part of him always remained.  Now, he is totally gone.  But the best of me is still here.

So, when was that moment for you?  No more questions, no more doubt, no more self loathing.  Just a sure sense of confidence in being a woman.

Jennifer

I've yet to reach this point. I keep trying a lot of mental and emotional gymnastics to "convince" myself that I'm truly a woman.. I know that day of acceptance is coming.. just not sure when. I don't want to place all of my hopes into the HRT basket but I'm very much hoping that starting that will be the beginning of true self acceptance.

I remember it well, I came home from the hairdresser and looked at myself and suddenly realised my male alter ego had gone. Not just physically but mentally.

I was having a coffee with a male work colleague recently, who works for me and has been with me for years. He said something quite 'odd' when we were talking about some life issues, he said 'I can't remember you as a man, I know you were when I started working for you, but he has totally gone'.

I have to reach this point as Damara has said. It's been a roller coaster of a ride and I hope for the rest of us who hasn't accepted ourselves fully that we continue and strive to get to the level of full self acceptance.

Love and Respect,

April

This will sound corny, but true.
About five years ago, I had a dream where I died. First time that's ever happened. I always thought if you die in a dream, you actually die lol. Anyhow, in my dream, I'm floating over an autopsy table, and the person reads aloud my male name, and then said "deceased at xx:xx" .
I woke up, grabbed the night table to see if this was a dream.
I Googled the next day what it means to die in a dream, and the response most often was when one dies, they are leaving behind an old life, for a new one.
It was then I started to believe my old life is behind me, time to move on.
That dream still gets me today.

For me, it was 19 days ago when I had SRS which was the icing on top you could say.

I'll let you know.

I see in myself that it is more a clinging to out of desperation male core that keeps me from fully accepting myself as a woman. That this is all very real. Intellectualizing being TS from an early age is far far different then emotionally embracing that you are and there aint nothing you can do or say that is really going to change that fact. Many of my early days "WTF Am I Doing " meltdowns always came on the heels of some step forward. Some step that nudged me officially towards the TS end of the spectrum. It became that much more real. Denial was loosing, but not without a fight.

I can still recall the moment sitting in my therapist's office when I said for the umpteenth time "I am a transsexual", except this time it was different. It was like a bolt of lightning hit me. YES, I AM. A great weight began lifting from me. When I look in a mirror I see Joanne, I see her glowing soul. I see joy. I still see a major problem. I started this journey when I was 52. I'm 58 now and still growing as a person, still questioning do I NEED to make that final leap. For now I know I do need to keep on presenting mainly as a male to keep all the other aspects of my world together which are all equally, if not more important, then gender.... Today. I know I am totally afraid of embracing the words "I AM a Woman". I barely allow myself to think it and I doubt I need more then one hand to count how many times I actually said it aloud to another person

The thing is, I don't think we need to accept ourselves as women, or not in the way the OP describes. It is delusional to think we are women in the same way cis-women are. But transition is still right for most of us, because we function better, socially, professionally and internally as women. Our DNA will always contradict our social identities but that in no way means we are doomed to be unhappy and living with our original bodies. But we need to accept we were born as boys that are better suited to live as girls. Only then can we make peace with ourselves and our minds. But that's just my two cents.

this  might  crunch  some  cornflakes,  but  here  is  my  take. 
  many  of  us  didnt  start  transition  until  we  were  well  into  our  40's.    that  was  my  case,  so  ill  relate  on  that.

  by  45,  i  had  been  married  3  times,  had  two  sons,  started  a  business,  bought  a  home.  I  had  enjoyed  certain  things,  like  hunting,  fishing,  and  other  masculin  activities. 
  after  all,  back  then,  'we'  tended  to  go  overboard  on  the  guy  stuff,  to  hide  the  feelings,  and  to  prove  to  everyone  else  that  we  were  the  real  macho  guys,  the  best  at  what  we  did,  and  we  did  guy  things.

  my  onset  of  gender  dysphoria  was  at  around  35  years  old.  mild  at  first,.  going  quickly  to  extreme. 
 
  after grs,  srs.  i  came  to  realise,  that  the  surgery  wasnt  about  how  others  would  see  me.    it  was  simply  for  me,  so  that  body  matched  mind. 
 
  just  as  in  the  realm  of  sexuality,  gender  identity  has  many  directions. 

back  in  the  american  indian  culture,  a  person  was  deemed  a  'two  spirit'.    their  life  wasnt  about  choosing  between  one  or  the  other,  it  was  about  embracing  both  of  these  'spirits',  the  masculine  and  the  feminine. 

thats where  i  settled  down.  i  embrace  my  physical  body  ,  i  am  female.
  i  changed  my  name  to  reflect  that. 
i  also  realized  that  certain  things  from  my  male  years  were  important  to  me,  enjoyable  passions  that  i  did  not  want  to  give  up  under  steriotypical  gender  roles.  i  understaood  my  two  sons  had  known  me  as  'dad'  for  their  entire  life. 
  so  pre  op,  scheduled  and  set  to  go,  I  told  them  "  I  will  always  be  your  Dad.  Nothing  there  will  ever  change".    I  continiued  working  a  traditional  male  job,   continued  hunting  and  fishing  with  my  boys,    let  them  in  their  own  time,  decide  when  dad  was  no  longer  an  appropiate  name,  and  instead  ,  using  my  new  name  was  ok. 
  to  current  time,  I  ride  the  line  between  gender  roles  and  identity.      I  am  not  defined  now,  nor  limited  by  a  gender  identity.   Ive  enbraced  the  "two Spirit"  ideal,  and  live  in  the  role  that  fits  the  moment. 
  I  beleive,  that  I,  speaking  only  for  myself,  was  blessed  to  have been  born  with  two  spirits,  two  indentities.    I  see  the  entire  thing, now,  looking  back,  as  a  blessing.    i  see  those  that  never  have  the  feelings  or  experiances    that  'we'  do,  as  livng  life  in  a  monotone  way.    as  per  the  difference  in  old  style  AM  radio,  compared  to  modern  surround  sound.  I  thank  God,  that  my  counslers  had  the  insight  in  those  early  dark  ages,  to  express  to  me,  that I  had  the  power  to  choose  my  end  results.  that  I  did  not  have  to  choose  between  two  standards,  that  in  fact  I  could  create  my  own  standards. 
  Answering  the  OP  question,  yep,  waking  up  the  first  tim,e,  at  3 am  in  Nina  Wis.  looking  out  on  a  snow  covered  roof  line,  reaching  down,  and realizng,  "  Its  gone"  with  the  next  thought, "  dreams  do  come  true",  that  was  the  moment  for  me. 
  years later,  lessons  learned,  I  choose  that  point  somewhere  in  the  middle,  where  mind  and  body  are  in  harmony,  where  I  am  ,  as  a  person,  not  defined  by  sex  or  gender  in  daily  life,  where  I  have  the  spirit  and  ability,  to  cross  and  recross  lines  as  life  mandates,  when  otheres  lack  that  luxery. 
  Ive  have  the  girls  nights  out,  I  hunt  along  side  the  men  and  am  just  one  of  the  guys,  Im  still  dad  to  my  sons,  except  that  they  call  me  Lisa.  both  of  my  sons  came  into  my  family  business,  and  work  with  me  daily.   Ive  married  and  been  a  husband  in  the  past,,  and  a  wife  in  the  current. im  accepted  in  a  small  rural  mountain   town , american  community,  in  a  ultra conservative  area.    Life  just  doesn't  get  any  better  then  this. 

In  conclusion,  I  see  this/my  attitude  reflected,  even  here  on  this  site.
  Notice  this  quote,  on  top  of  every  page;  " We stand at the crossroads of gender balanced on the sharp edge of a knife." 

I think it was around 18 months since I started transition; I don't remember an actual watershed moment, unfortunately, but I do remember realizing one day that it'd been a while since I'd thought of myself as a "fake." (And I do think I'm a woman *as much as* cis women are - with a different history than most women, but honestly, I've seen so many feminist discussions centering on how women can have experiences SO different it's like they lived in parallel universes to each other. That, too, is perhaps an integral part of womanhood, and I'm comfortable with my different past.)

@lilredneckgirl Very inspirational reply. I am 50 and about four mos into HRT so can relate to age issues. I am/was a southern hunter as well. But I am still at a crossroads on how much of my past I continue with. So great to hear your perspective. If nothing else our lives aren't dull!


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When I stopped giving a/n (expletive) and do / wear what I please.