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Stopping testosterone but afraid of reverting?

Started by Blacky, February 17, 2015, 10:53:49 PM

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Blacky

Hey, I'm a trans man who has been on T for a couple of years. After some introspection I realised that I'm happy at the level of masculinisation that I'm at (in terms of face, hair, voice), and don't want to change further.

I don't want to transition back to female but at the same time, I believe that if I change further, I fear that will become less attractive.. Testosterone is a strong hormone, and it's harder to go back once it's made its mark.

The downsides about stopping T would be mood and muscle mass. I had depression (both dysphoria and non dysphoria) prior to starting T and testosterone was the ONLY thing that eliminated it, and I'm not interested in taking other antidepressants.
I'm also genetically a hard gainer, and it was impossible for me to gain weight, let alone muscle mass pre T. It took years to get to where I am, and I'm afraid of losing it and going back to my skinny girly self.

Still have my gonads so I won't be in strife if I stop HRT, but I'm just very stuck on where to go from here. I only know of a certain anabolic steroid that promotes muscle mass without androgenic effects, but then I'll be forever dealing in the (expensive) black market.
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Ms Grace

You're right that you will probably revert, your testosterone levels will drop and estrogens will reassert themself. But you've been on T for a while so the degree to which you revert and what masculinised features you keep might be hard to gauge at this point.
Grace
----------------------------------------------
Transition 1.0 (Julie): HRT 1989-91
Self-denial: 1991-2013
Transition 2.0 (Grace): HRT June 24 2013
Full-time: March 24, 2014 :D
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adrian

Hi Blacky,

I'm wondering how much more change you would have to expect after a few years on t? Isn't there a chance that you're mostly done changing?

I've played similar scenarios in my head (I'm pre-t though). Personally I think if I had enough facial hair I wouldn't mind my face feminizing again, but any time I get to fat redistribution and muscle mass I feel the same way as you do -- I don't think I would want to revert back to the female pattern (I'm a hard gainer as bad as they come too).

Can you discuss this with your endo? It might be possible to lower your dose or go off t for a while to see how you feel about it. Other guys have done it! Just don't do anything without consulting your docs!

I personally have come to the conclusion that if I go on t, I'll have to embrace everything that I'm dealt. And I think I'm good with that. But we all have our individual needs and views, so even though this is true for me, it isn't for every one else.

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Blacky

Honestly, I don't know. I can only go by stuff like 'Before and After' pics of trans guys, and it looks like some guys plateaued after a couple of years. but some kept changing. If only time machines were a reality lol.

T was very effective for me even at the beginning when I was on a low dose. So I'm thinking that stopping it is probably the better option, but don't know whether I'm mentally prepared for it. I might give it a go and see, and keep my remaining vials in case. It'll also give me a chance to try DHT cream for downstairs growth. I am uncomfortable using it while on T, as it accelerates male pattern baldness.
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Felix

This sounds like a hard choice that only you can make.

My personal situation is that I get depressed and imbalanced if I'm even a few days late with my T shot. I would have to feel very strong and confident to forgo hormones in order to preserve desirable physical characteristics.

Before I ever started T I came to peace with the idea of baldness or any other "natural" issue that I might have been prone to if I had been born with a typical male body. I can't imagine rejecting gendered health problems that match my target gender.

Again, though, this is all up to you. Don't do things that make you feel inauthentic. Don't listen to other people about permanent changes.
everybody's house is haunted
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darksymphony

Hi Blacky,

I was on T for 6-7 years. I stopped a couple of years ago, continuing to live as male. I completely understand what a tricky decision that is, and the associated pros and cons. In my case, it was a combination of a variety of things, though looks were one of them - more detail about my decision is in this thread if you are interested. How old are you? Your age will impact how much that period on T will affect you long-term.

If you stop, your voice will remain masculine (though may be a little higher without T) and you will retain any body or facial hair and clitoral enlargement you have developed. Your face and body shape and skin texture will refeminise and you will begin menstruating again (menstruation is a big emotional hurdle for a lot of guys, so this is something you will definitely need to think about). You will need to give some consideration to yout emotional comfort level with those last few things and if you are likely to be able to deal with that if you have difficulties with mood. Also, were you able to pass as an adult male pre-T? If not, have you developed sufficient facial hair to help you pass? Facial feminisation may mean you struggle in the long-term not to look like a teenager (this is a big issue for me!). And although this is a short-term thing, being deprived of T after that amount of time will  not be an enjoyable experience - you may have noticed already that if you are late with your T you experience low mood and lethargy, which is a symptom of your body being short of hormones. If you stop T you can expect to have to deal with this for a while, while your body gets used to producing female hormones again. How long that takes will be different for everyone, but for me it was about 6 weeks before I felt like I was functioning normally again, though I had been on T for a long time.

In my case, stopping was the right thing and I'm happy with my decision. On the other hand, I don't think I would have stopped after only two years. It took about five years for my facial hair to fill in sufficiently that I looked like I had much beyond adolescent scruff. :) I now wear sideburns and a chinstrap beard, and I need that - I have a feminine babyface and without them I'd be struggling to look like I was out of high school, even though I was on T for so long and am in my early 30s. I also found that living as a man on T for so long had really chilled out my feelings about my gender, and for me it was worth that time of emotional growth and adjustment. I grew very comfortable and secure in my role as a man and no longer felt the kind of distress or dysphoria over the feminine aspects of my body that I once did. If you are concerned about the effect on your mood and T helps you, it may be worth staying on T until you feel like you are in a more emotionally grounded place. You didn't mention how you felt about menstruating, but I will add since I think it's relevant that my uterus is a great deal more agreeable than it was pre-T. I used to have cramps and mood swings and menstruation lasted 5-6 days, but now it's generally only a couple of days and I can't say I've experienced noticeable cramps or mood swings since stopping T at all. It may be because I'm older and more relaxed in general, but despite the estrogen, my moods are pretty chill, just as they were on T. I haven't noticed stopping have a big impact on my emotional state.

I hope this helped - if you have any specific questions for someone who's had the experience you're welome to reply or PM me. :)
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Rob25

#6
Hello,my name is Rob25,I'm a latino transman.I don't write english well so I wanna ask you about the T Stop.I'm in 9 months on T but I don't like collateral effects because this worsened my disphoria.But I don't wanna be a girl.Can you help me about it with some questions here?
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Blush

A couple points here – the positive is that while on testosterone hopefully you've built up some muscle. This can (to a certain extent) stay, although you'll have to work extremely hard to keep it. It's comparable when body builders either stop training or age, their size is still there to a degree, just not the mass; use it or lose it.

As far as weight you should be careful – hormones don't directly determine how much fat you gain or lose, they simply determine where it's deposited and to a certain degree can determine how your metabolism goes about reflecting or directing that fat, but this is mostly genetic. If you're really set on gaining weight just pound down milk shakes (dumb advice but it works). But remember under testosterone any fat intake will have been going to the male fat deposit areas. When your estrogen comes back, any additional fat you take in will go to the female deposit areas (hips, thighs, butt, etc.).

I think it'd be worth sitting with physicians to determine if your masculinization is complete. You get to a point where you won't become more masculine, but a point of maintenance. If you stop cold turkey, while some parts will remain, others will revert.
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Aazhie

Hey there-

for the first six months of T I was on a  SUPER low does.  What if you wanted to try maintaining a low level of T to sort of boost the muscle and libido but you might still have periods and stuff? I am thinking about what I want to do post surgery- I am getting my ovaries removed asap and my doctor will be lowering my dose because I won't need as much to uh, I guess combat the estrogen?  ha ha, so maybe you could talk about a very low maintance dosage.  My doc suggested this to me and said many of his clients that are genderqueer or otherwise, even some transmen are happier at lower doses and staying at a certain level without going full dose on T!
You build on failure. You use it as a stepping stone. Close the door on the past. You don't try to forget the mistakes, but you don't dwell on it. You don't let it have any of your energy, or any of your time, or any of your space.
Johnny Cash
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Blacky

Hey aazhie, replying here cause I couldn't respond to your PM - lately I've been thinking of lowering my dose rather than stopping altogether. Currently I'm still on my normal dose, but with longer cycles (inject every 4 weeks instead of 3). No problems so far.

One thing I'm curious about is the hormonal threshold for ovary shutdown - wondering if there's a way to take hormones but still preserve one's natural production?

I've been post hysto (but retained ovaries) for a while now since pre T - got the parts removed for other reasons, so don't have to worry about periods etc.

Anyway thanks to the others who have posted, I appreciate the wonderful advice.
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Bunter

I have a friend who went off T after about 6 years, and he is very happy with his decision. He is still passing very well, only his hips and bum have a more feminine shape so that seeing him from behind might be ambiguous. But when he turns around, he's passing completely.
There is another guy in a group who did the same and it worked out well for him, too. Both look about 10 years younger than they actually are, but not like teenagers. Rather like mid-20s.


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