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Transition is Hard

Started by Tori, February 22, 2015, 02:54:50 AM

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Sunderland

Has my transition been easy? Hmm... In many ways yes, and in many ways no. The biggest problems have always been self-imposed ones. Prying myself out from under the mask of maleness and overcompensation I had lived in for so many years was very difficult, to the point of feeling downright impossible. I feared I had become my mask. Realizing that the vast majority of my fears were unfounded was another long and painful process. Overcoming feelings of severe inadequacy... It was quite an elaborate internal prison I had created for myself.

Transition in regard to external factors has been about as smooth as anyone could hope for. Everyone close to me was accepting and supportive. Relationships with them improved rather than suffered. No one has been rude to me. I met an amazing woman who I hope to spend my life with. I've gained confidence I've never had. I'm taking better care of myself. I was able to get on hormones without much trouble. I find I'm even treated better and taken more seriously as a woman! So I suppose that in many ways, I've been one of the lucky ones. Some things, like GRS, are still far out of my reach due to financial limitations, but overall, my experience with transition has been a positive one, and I don't let myself get too hung up on what's down the line. I'll cross those bridges when I come to them.
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Jayne

You're brave for playing devils advocate, no matter how much progress we make transition will never be easy. Transition is character building but can be soul destroying.
If you manage to survive RLE before you are able to pass then you will come out of that dark tunnel into the daylight as a stronger person, I'm both happy and annoyed that I was amongst the last group in the UK forced to undergo this farce.
I call it a farce because it will never be a Real Life Experience if you don't pass in the eyes of the world, the only experience that's real about it are the Loo's and comments that you'll have to endure.

Edit: I meant to type LOOKS but autocorrect has a warped sense of humor :)
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Tori

I got really good at convincing folks I am male. D'oh!

It is crazy to think, all this time I have been female inside but I never really paid any attention to how I should do that on the outside.

I could not imagine having to go through RLE before hormones. Actually I can imagine it. I probably would have delayed transition even longer if it was required.


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Auroramarianna

Yes, in my short experience, transition is hard. Not because you don't have the potential and determination to do it but because people will try to hold you back. It's hard to make any life changing decision when you have no support network, especially in the first steps. I feel like I'm all alone sometimes.
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alexbb

tbh i know i look like a boy in a dress. well, a 32 year old guy, but i dont mind that much. i find wearing normal woman clothes and shoes, and makeup, eyebrows, earrings, having tits, doing basically the same things women do, you feel legit, and people seem to feel it too. its saying, yes, i am a ->-bleeped-<-, i love it, please treat me like a normal person itll be fine. people seem to get the message and treat me like a girl. women seem to like it and feel flattered by it, guys are bemused but generally just seem happy for you. people having a little laugh about me when im not there, meh. its nice to just be girly and not feel wrong about it. just having boobs. so great.
i mean, im doing it so i can say to my HRT person yep, loads of real life experience, gimme dem pillz but its actually super nice to do.
supermarkets have small ranges of selected, low cost copies of stylish current clothes, which makes shopping much less stressful. you feel much less absurd in a chic dress, skinny jeans, boots, cardy, you know normal person ->-bleeped-<-.
i think working from home probably helps a bit but offices these days seem pretty cool with lgbt so meh. i dnt really go to the sort of places a gay or trans person would get beaten up anyway so no great changes there.
i figure in a lot of ways, its only as hard as i make it, so i cut myself a break with the self-flaggelation and just seem to enjoy things a lot more in a dress. smile, sing and dance and do healthy stuff way more.

Sabrina

Should it be easy? Yes it should but the real world doesn't work that way. The hardest thing I'm dealing with now is learning feminine mannerisms / voice and looking in the mirror I still see part of a dude. The HRT is doing it's thing but slower than I would like. But unfortunately, that's the way it works.
- Sabrina

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Jayne

Quote from: Sabrina on February 22, 2015, 07:17:39 PM
Should it be easy? Yes it should but the real world doesn't work that way. The hardest thing I'm dealing with now is learning feminine mannerisms / voice and looking in the mirror I still see part of a dude. The HRT is doing it's thing but slower than I would like. But unfortunately, that's the way it works.
I found female mannerisms second nature, I just have to relax, my voice is another kettle of fish however, it feels impossible right now
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JoanneB

Quote from: Tori on February 22, 2015, 03:47:06 PM
I guess what I am getting at is, one of the toughest parts of transition is facing my fears, but every time I do, I come out stronger and wiser.
+1

Facing your fears.... Actually doing something POSITIVE! Oh yeah.. Totally hard. Nearly impossible. Too often buried

Many of us inexorably reach the "I can Do This Anymore" point. "This" being acting, being, or otherwise doing all you can to live up to the expectations of your anatomical features.
.          (Pile Driver)  
                    |
                    |
                    ^
(ROCK) ---> ME <--- (HARD PLACE)
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AbbyKat

Quote from: Tori on February 22, 2015, 02:54:50 AM
Should it be easy?

Discuss.

Being in the wrong body is hard.  Doing away with all the coping mechanisms that allowed me to continue that sad existence was hard.  Now that they are gone and ending it all is no longer an option, transitioning is far easier than any other possibility.

But it's still going to be difficult.  Damned difficult.  But never as difficult as it's been living a lie. 

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alexbb

"Now that they are gone and ending it all is no longer an option, transitioning is far easier than any other possibility.

But it's still going to be difficult.  Damned difficult.  But never as difficult as it's been living a lie.  "

well put

CynthiaAnn

I enjoyed reading many of these responses. Everyone is unique and it does become a matter of perception.

I can honestly say my transition has been difficult. I am in my 50's with a career, family, entrenched life socially, that previous life became so stressful and wrong trying emulate to something against my nature (mostly for others). Some of the darkest moments in life were the years leading up to transition. Sure it's been an uphill climb, voice work, mannerisms, electrolysis (ouch), HRT, doctors and more doctors, you all know the drill. I've maintained relationships with family, friends (made new friends),  transitioned on the job (30 years), my bands....

Transition may have been difficult, many things in life worth a darn are.

It was far more difficult on me to NOT transition in hindsight. I choose life, no regrets....

C -

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kelly_aus

The hard part was coming out.. The rest of my transition has gone pretty smoothly. Friends and family have been supportive and I've had no major issues with medical care.
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