**Awkward and NSFW things to follow**

So I've been living full time since October, and it seems as I've neared certain milestones that my dysphoria associated with my male parts is increasing gradually.. I haven't always had terrible dysphoria in regards to my genitals. It's like it's gotten worse as I've came to accept my being trans. I've never learned to tuck, so I am at the mercy of long tops and skirts plus tight undergarments.. My biggest lately is someone even seeing a hint of a slight indication that there anything more than a vagina there. The wind is so rude sometimes. Haha! 

When my libido is being vicious it seems to not bother me much, I suppose because pleasure cancels out a lot of dysphoria.. except random "bursts" of intense but brief disgust of this organ amidst these "pleasurable instances." I must admit that even talking about masturbation with this current body configuration  makes me feel a bit sick..

so anyway my inquiry is.. has anyone else experienced increased dysphoria since starting to transition? It's just so weird to me.. It just never use to bother me at all really.. maybe like a small small amount very rarely.. so strange. lol! anyway, I'm tired and rambling! Hugs to all! <3

Yes! I am someone who never entertained the idea of SRS up until my 4 month on HRT. I just felt inadequate and incomplete without it.
I was thinking of getting a BA first but I am contemplating if SRS should go first.

Today for example, I was out having lunch with a friend and I saw this couple in their late 20's so in love and I suddenly felt a feeling of jealousy and lack.
I had to refocus and started thinking about re purposing my savings for SRS.

However, your feelings are valid Damara you're not alone.

April xo

I've had my dysphoria get worse since coming out to myself. This is weird, but I think I have always had bottom dysphoria without truly realizing it, because I have always been careful to not look at or touch my junk with my hands during masturbation. I now have extremely vivid fantasies of being vaginally penetrated. It seems weird how dysphoria can go from a vague feeling unhappiness with ones biological sex to being almost comlletely out of control.

At the same time, I realize I can be happier if I live as the woman I was meant to be.

"When my libido is being vicious it seems to not bother me much, I suppose because pleasure cancels out a lot of dysphoria.. except random "bursts" of intense but brief disgust of this organ amidst these "pleasurable instances." I must admit that even talking about masturbation with this current body configuration  makes me feel a bit sick.. "

Ive never felt so sexy in my life, but in a good way. before i used to have to jack it all the time to get a break from the dysphoria and internalised homophobia for 5 minutes. but now more and more i imagine really being a woman sexually and it feels awesome. everything makes sense and it doesnt feel like gears are grinding in my head like it did before. i love not feeling disgusted with myself. i thought, nah ill keep my wang, its a good size and weve had some good times, but nah, i think get it gone. FFS is more urgent as everyone can see my face but in the end, get rid.
Walking into a headwind in a skirt.. eeep!

I understand the feeling, but not being disgusted by myself seems so far away right now.

well, it takes some effort, shaving all the time is a dick obvs, but ive found 6 weeks of practicing make up made a big difference as did getting some normal pretty clothes.. its AMAZING to look in the mirror and smile at the girl smiling back. strike a pose! well, maybe thats a bit optimistic, i still look totally dude, but just seeing that its still real, its not a dream, im really doing this, woooooop!  i dont think i ever smiled at myself in a mirror before. if i looked at all it was with resignation and resentment. putting on a dress and everyting, womanstyle, like its a normal every day thing; it truly is the dopest thing ever.

My dysphoria relating to that region has definitely increased, but that has always been the worst area. I always knew that if I did this then bottom surgery would be a major feature. I've always been quite good at tucking and my panties work well as a binder of sorts, helps me forget. Like others have said I have been allowing the fantasy of being penetrated vaginaly to finally take its place in my mind. It was always there but I fought so hard against it. Luckily my libido has dropped to a nice low ebb, always does when I feel better about myself. And like alexbb said I enjoy seeing myself in the mirror these days. At least when I'm home and dressed. The dysphoria might be worse but it could be that it is a tad less omnipresent. That is, I have been forgetting about my man bits so when I am reminded of them the associated feelings are magnified.

"I have been allowing the fantasy of being penetrated vaginaly to finally take its place in my mind. It was always there but I fought so hard against it."

I know right?? turns out, no thats fine, thats a normal thing for a chick to think. so its ok. cue 1million tonnes being lifted off your shoulders.
in a way its kind of putting the lie to the flattering idea that we transgirls are super strong to be so willing to stand out and be different, cos in a way were going to a great deal of effort NOT to be different hehe. still, it is what it is, and its not gross or wrong or something to be ashamed of. sweet!
chalk it up to yet another win for transitioning to add to its already impressive record!

Yep mine has been slowly growing since I started transition 5 years ago. It's been at its worst lately cause I'm in my first intimate relationship. It also doesn't help that my erections can get pretty painful. I'm not going be completely happy till I have bottom surgery.

(TMI below)

Growing out my bush helped lessen the dysphoria visually at least cause it covers the testes completely and when I tuck it looks like I have my vagina 

I know my disphoria about the things below the belt got worse as the rest of me started to look more female. That increasing "this is out of place" feeling is annoying but I like my appearance far more now then I did before. Even if things are worse in that one category.

I think for me personally, it's more frustrating than anything. I used to just comply but now I hate it. I've never tucked a day in my life because I hate tucking so I just wear a couple pairs of pants that seem to work. But it's mostly frustrating because I feel like I'm at a point in my transition where I feel like I should't have to deal with it anymore. It especially sucks to not go swimming   

Thanks so much for the responses everyone! It really helps to realize that I am not weird in this respect, as it seems this phenomena is maybe even common? I use to doubt my transness (wayyy before transition) because I wasn't really stressed about my boy parts, but everything else that was male appearing about me.. now that I am transitioning, even tho not on HRT yet.. it's really starting to bum me out! I am being redundant. lol!

Yeah, this has happened to me. Been full time for almost 2 years, The more I live as myself, the more I know I need surgery and it makes perfect sense. Genital dyshporia gradually increased over time, and I am only reminded when it's time to go the bathroom, or getting out a shower. Most of the time I can tune it out, and pretend it's not there, like they blur it out on TV    I am already in the queue to have it fixed, yippie skippy....

C -

Mine was already pronounced through my entire life, but once I began to transition, it increased. On the plus side, HRT has shrunk things to where it's like I almost auto-tuck without thinking about it. On the negative side, that thing's still there when I get out of the shower or otherwise undressed.