Hey, guys, so finally I am coming out at work.  I have been on T (most of the time lowish dose), for 5.5 months.  I had moved up to "full dose" (which actually ended up shooting my levels way too high), for 5 weeks and then I found out my position was changing at work (our entire department).  Since my voice was in mid-drop, but I had not come out yet, I dropped my T dose down very low.  Now that I am a bit settled into the new position (couple of weeks) and seem liked my new department, I am starting the process to come out and will immediately change name/pronouns, I.D., all that jazz, as fast as possible.

The whole thing is crazy because I have to come out to two separate co-worker groups because my position will be split.  One will be the group I have been with for 9 years and the other will be this group that I just started with.  I still have two leadership groups I will have to come out to, as well.  So, I will actually have a total of 6 times that I will be coming out to people at work (including HR).  I feel it is best for my coworker relationships that I be the one to tell them all, rather than letting HR do it without me.  I hope to have it all done by the week following next, because the voice is getting low.  I already passed most of the time pre-T (until I talked), so that is why I have had to be so careful with dosing. 

I am the first person to come out at my 12,000 employee company.  Crazy.  It is really going to be hard, but I don't want to leave this company, even though my GF and I could afford for me to resign, ramp up the hormones, change my name and then get a new job.  I wouldn't be stealth, but at least I will walk in with the proper name and pronouns (there is no way I could get a job in my area where at least one or two people at any employer wouldn't know me just from working in the same field).

My family is still unhappy and I haven't really talked with them since Christmas when they were so hurtful with the things they said.  The name change will be in the newspaper soon (the Sunday after everyone knows at work), so I will be telling my family about it this weekend to brace themselves because they probably will be getting calls from neighbors and friends.  I always worry about my 72 year old mother's health and the strain I may be putting on her with all this.  I worry about shortening her life span.  I know that is something I shouldn't worry about, or can't worry about, but it is hard not too.

Yay, congrats! Sounds like it'll be a bit complicated, but at least you've started tackling it.

Where do you live that people read the announcements in the paper? 

Quote from: ftmax on February 21, 2015, 02:20:00 PM
Yay, congrats! Sounds like it'll be a bit complicated, but at least you've started tackling it.

Where do you live that people read the announcements in the paper? 

haha  All the older folks (my mom's age), read every line of the newspapers they still get delivered to their homes every morning at the crack of dawn.

Thanks for the congrats!  It is surreal after 44 years of presenting as a masculine female at my job to be telling people.  I really feel like I am in a dream world (like fuzzy headed), while I am doing it.  All those private thoughts I have only shared with a few people over the years being told to the whole world.  It feels crazy emotionally exposing!

Anyone else feel that way?

I feel the same way as you do about telling work, which I know I'll have to do when I start T. It makes me nervous to think I'm going to have to explain a personal part of my life to my boss, as well in some way I'll most likely have to justify myself to him. Btw, I hope your mum changes her opinions about you and congrats on starting T and coming out 

Quote from: Elis on February 21, 2015, 03:22:05 PM
I feel the same way as you do about telling work, which I know I'll have to do when I start T. It makes me nervous to think I'm going to have to explain a personal part of my life to my boss, as well in some way I'll most likely have to justify myself to him. Btw, I hope your mum changes her opinions about you and congrats on starting T and coming out 

Thank you Elis!  Don't feel that you need to "justify" your choice to your boss.  I don't know if you are really close or something, but try not to give room in the conversation for him to question your decision.  Try to just turn it around to education about being transgender (if you want to bother with that/if he is interested).

Yeah, I plan on doing that, just I highly doubt that he knows anything about trans people.

Congrats. I transitioned on the job and it wasn't bad as I thought it would be. I told my immediate supervisor first. She then told upper management. Then I had a mtg with upper management to discuss my plans with transition and they gave me the option to come out to fellow co-workers and doctors. I worked in a doctors office. Upper management was pretty cool with it. I ended up sending an e-mail about my plan to transition to all my co-workers and spoke to each individual doctor face-to-face. That was a little harder to do. For the most part, they were intrigued and ok with it. I did get one doctor that gave me a # to a minister or something so I could get "cured", LOL. She didn't tell me that but I knew where she was going with that. And I got a few other docs who were like, ok whatever, lol.

It was nice to have that support.

Quote from: JenJen2011 on February 22, 2015, 02:34:06 AM
Congrats. I transitioned on the job and it wasn't bad as I thought it would be. I told my immediate supervisor first. She then told upper management. Then I had a mtg with upper management to discuss my plans with transition and they gave me the option to come out to fellow co-workers and doctors. I worked in a doctors office. Upper management was pretty cool with it. I ended up sending an e-mail about my plan to transition to all my co-workers and spoke to each individual doctor face-to-face. That was a little harder to do. For the most part, they were intrigued and ok with it. I did get one doctor that gave me a # to a minister or something so I could get "cured", LOL. She didn't tell me that but I knew where she was going with that. And I got a few other docs who were like, ok whatever, lol.

It was nice to have that support.

Jen, thanks for your response.  The number of times I have to come out face-to-face is feeling a bit daunting, but I feel like I "should" do face to face with all these individuals/groups.

I feel that I "should"come out directly to the chair of the department, as she is new and I am trying to develop a relationship with her as she seems to have taken a keen interest in me and my work.  It is important I feed that relationship.  I am scheduled to meet with her on Tuesday.

I feel that I "should"be present for coming out the the leadership group so that they see I am confident in my choice and confident in myself.  With the shifts going on in the department, I need to be seen as a strong, competent person in order to position myself well.

The group I have worked with for 9 years I "should" come out to because I feel like I "owe" then that since we have long standing relationships.

Then the new group I will be working with I feel that I "should" come out to because I am trying to develop positive relationships with them.

Ugh.  I work in healthcare, so there is a lot of coordination and contact with coworkers.

I would love to hear others' experiences of how you decided to come out at work.

ETA:  Jen, now that I am rereading your post, I am thinking that maybe it would be best to let the Chair tell upper management (people under her), and THEN I will meet with them to discuss moving forward to see if they have thoughts about a different way to approach this.  Excellent.  Thanks for posting!

I came out to my work colleagues last week Brett, and so far it's been a really positive experience.

Told my manager, who I get on well with, that it was something I was thinking seriously about around September last year. I took a couple of weeks off to think at the start of January, and we went to see the HR Manager who covers my department together when I came back. She was fantastically helpful too. Even although I work for a big company, in an office with 1000+ people, it wasn't something they'd dealt with before. But they were really supportive and tried to get all the information they could. Importantly, they also made it clear that everything would happen at my pace and nobody would be told without my permission.

We'd had a couple of meetings with HR, my manager also coming in to support me each time, and when we met on Friday we wrote an action plan for how I was going to come out to everyone. Between meetings I'd told my parents (who weren't great, but had about a week to start to get their heads around it - there was only so long I could keep this in). HR had been brilliant about letting me go to appointments and stuff - because I felt I could be open to them. So I said I wanted to tell everyone as soon as possible, showed them my thoughts on the action plan (based on the company guidelines) and the email that I planned to send the team.

We agreed that I'd forward my email, just a short one explaining that my name was now Lewis and attaching some information about gender reassignment. The HR Manager then sent it to the managers in my department, along with some of the senior management. She also explained a bit more about what was happening and that she was happy to discuss anything with them. My manager checked they'd all had time to read it and then I send my short message to everyone in the department, along with about dozen or so people I work closely with in other areas. Think I sent 45 emails, and by the end of the day I had 50 messages of support! It gave me a huge lift and was just good to know I didn't have to hide any more.

By the end of the day I had a new pass with my name on it (which I had to stop myself grinning at - first time I'd seen it on anything official!). I've also been promised that all the systems will be set up with my name for me to use when I go in tomorrow. So I can just be myself from now on and I know they're going to support me through the process. One senior manager really surprised me by coming up and saying "nice to meet you Lewis" and asking if there was anything practical he could do to support me. Without me even suggesting it, he was going on about having a gender neutral toilet!

It's early days yet, but it really couldn't have gone better so far. Bit nervous about tomorrow, first day back in the office since Friday, but at least I know I've got support.

Good luck, just do it however you feel comfortable.

Brett, I work for a large university hospital (14k employees), also in two main groups. My position has me working with several departments. It was really awkward trying to figure out who all to explicitly come out to. I'm really pretty private, so talking about this was challenging for me. I also felt like I kind of floated out of my body while doing it.
I came out several months ago and only started T last week, so it's been "fun" not passing But every one of the people I work with have been supportive.
Wishing you luck!

congrats! must be that time because I came out to HR and my boss last week and slowly coming out to coworkers. so far everyone is very supportive. I've waited 45 yrs to transition and am thrilled for you as well.

Camron

Hey, guys, thanks for all the support!  I am glad it is going well for all of you, too.  This morning I decided that telling all of these groups/individuals was just too much.  I decided I am only going to tell the new group.  I am going to have HR and my manager do the two others.  There are a couple of people I will tell individually.  One, I know won't be able to make it to the meeting, so I will tell her, and the other will be at the meeting, but since we have a close enough relationship, I will tell her beforehand.

Today felt surreal when I was reading HR's draft as to what he will say to them.  It had my preferred name over and over again throughout the document that felt so odd.  About an hour or so later, it doesn't feel as weird to me.  I just got home and told my girlfriend I feel strangely odd and relaxed.  Shouldn't I be freaking out and feeling like I want to vomit?

It's great!   

Quote from: Brett on February 23, 2015, 07:00:34 PM
Hey, guys, thanks for all the support!  I am glad it is going well for all of you, too.  This morning I decided that telling all of these groups/individuals was just too much.  I decided I am only going to tell the new group.  I am going to have HR and my manager do the two others.  There are a couple of people I will tell individually.  One, I know won't be able to make it to the meeting, so I will tell her, and the other will be at the meeting, but since we have a close enough relationship, I will tell her beforehand.

Today felt surreal when I was reading HR's draft as to what he will say to them.  It had my preferred name over and over again throughout the document that felt so odd.  About an hour or so later, it doesn't feel as weird to me.  I just got home and told my girlfriend I feel strangely odd and relaxed.  Shouldn't I be freaking out and feeling like I want to vomit?

It's great!   

I'm happy for you brett! 

Wow, good job. Hard to believe you are the first one, but hopefully show the way for others. Proud of you man (and clone bro of mine) 

--Jay

Quote from: JenJen2011 on February 23, 2015, 09:03:01 PM
I'm happy for you brett! 

Thank you so much, Jen.  I appreciate your support and advice!

Quote from: aleon515 on February 23, 2015, 10:25:41 PM
Wow, good job. Hard to believe you are the first one, but hopefully show the way for others. Proud of you man (and clone bro of mine) 

--Jay

Thanks, Jay!  It has been anxiety producing to say the least.

I just got done telling the Chair of the Department.  She was supportive (which I expected...I mean, my company says they don't discriminate based on gender identity, so how else could she respond?  However, I do think it is genuine, as well).  She thinks I should be at all the meetings to tell the teams.  I get that, but...it will just be so draining!

It daunting and exhausting and so worth it. Congrats!

Camron