So this may seem silly to some, but a really great guy has started talking to me after seeing a selfie I posted on deviantart, and it's freaking me out!

He's super nice and intelligent and cuteee! And while our conversations haven't really ever gone into super overt flirtation there are hints that he may like me. At any rate, I feel so crazy and weird! Like butterflies in my stomach.. lungs too really..

And I feel happy and sad too..  I'm tearing up right now. It's so dumb I know.

He's just a random online fellow, I shouldn't let my emotions get so intense. I suppose I'm super surprised someone like him is even giving me the time of day. I haven't told him I'm trans yet, but will eventually if his interest in me gets more overt.. I just feel like I'm deceiving him somehow.. but I just want for him to see me as a regular girl.. I know that I am not of course..  I am so sorry for rambling all this out. I've never really had any (non creepy) guy ever show interest in me as a woman so this is doing strange things to my emotions.

Its not unusual to have conflicting emotions when someone shows interest in you. That goes for cis people as well.

Since you are online with this budding relationship, you have some choices. You can get to know this guy in person or stay on line for a while. If the picture you have posted with your profile is the one you put on the dating site, that alone would attract a guy. I'm sure you have been through your share of trauma and your self esteem may not be up where it should be. Getting to know this guy a little better on line first might give you some confidence without having to worry about  "do I look right? Do I sound feminine enough?"

One he gets to know you as a person, you can choose to tell him or not. You could choose to just keep it to yourself, I don't know how far you have gone with your transition, but keep in mind, secrets can come back and bite you. If this is a person you think you might want to pursue a serious relationship with, then being honest before you get so deep into a relationship that you get your heart broken if the guy can't accept you. Mind you, that is down the road.

Find out more about him. There is no law that says you have to move quickly. I'm happy for you that you have found someone that you find interesting and attractive. Everyone deserves someone to connect with. He must have seen something in you that attracted him. Those sites usually kick out several matches for people. Have fun. When the time is right and you feel like you can't continue without telling him, break it to him gently. Be prepared for both a good or bad reaction. Good luck.

sam1234

Ok don't take this as creepy please lol, but you are wicked hot and super nice so I can totally understand how some online fellow could be interested 
You are very photogenic and oh btw your artwork is awesome too. Those butterflies are crazy aren't they?

have fun, enjoy it !


-Jade

Quote from: sam1234 on February 19, 2015, 02:41:43 AM
Its not unusual to have conflicting emotions when someone shows interest in you. That goes for cis people as well.

Since you are online with this budding relationship, you have some choices. You can get to know this guy in person or stay on line for a while. If the picture you have posted with your profile is the one you put on the dating site, that alone would attract a guy. I'm sure you have been through your share of trauma and your self esteem may not be up where it should be. Getting to know this guy a little better on line first might give you some confidence without having to worry about  "do I look right? Do I sound feminine enough?"

One he gets to know you as a person, you can choose to tell him or not. You could choose to just keep it to yourself, I don't know how far you have gone with your transition, but keep in mind, secrets can come back and bite you. If this is a person you think you might want to pursue a serious relationship with, then being honest before you get so deep into a relationship that you get your heart broken if the guy can't accept you. Mind you, that is down the road.

Find out more about him. There is no law that says you have to move quickly. I'm happy for you that you have found someone that you find interesting and attractive. Everyone deserves someone to connect with. He must have seen something in you that attracted him. Those sites usually kick out several matches for people. Have fun. When the time is right and you feel like you can't continue without telling him, break it to him gently. Be prepared for both a good or bad reaction. Good luck.

sam1234

Thanks much for your input! It's very appreciated! It wasn't even a dating site just an art hosting website. So random that he even started talking to me! And I'm at the very beginning of transition, so far I've only transitioned socially. I think this factor may be contributing to my unease.. Like it makes me feel so insecure that if he were ever to want to travel and meet me, that I'd still be so physically not female... I will definitely tell him tho if he ever hints at wanting to meet me in real life, as I'd hate for him to waste money and resources doing so only to be disappointed.

Quote from: Jade_404 on February 19, 2015, 02:57:59 AM
Ok don't take this as creepy please lol, but you are wicked hot and super nice so I can totally understand how some online fellow could be interested 
You are very photogenic and oh btw your artwork is awesome too. Those butterflies are crazy aren't they?

have fun, enjoy it !


-Jade

Aww Jade! That's so sweet! Not creepy! I wish so badly that I was attracted to women, they're so much less scary! <3 I am trying very hard to believe I am beautiful and not a moron.. lol! He's so pretty and smart, I literally feel like a 10 year old talking to him. I'm think I am not worthy of his time or something. And he tells me how nice I am and how he is super blown away by my art, but I get paranoid he's just being nice and not genuine.. which he's given no real hints as to being like that. I'm just so insecure. And yeah, the butterflies are almost suffocating! It's nice but scary! I don't like feeling so out of control emotionally! But I do. haha!

 So random that he even started talking to me! And I'm at the very beginning of transition, so far I've only transitioned socially. I think this factor may be contributing to my unease.. Like it makes me feel so insecure that if he were ever to want to travel and meet me, that I'd still be so physically not female... I will definitely tell him tho if he ever hints at wanting to meet me in real life, as I'd hate for him to waste money and resources doing so only to be disappointed.


There are some good things about not having gone through your transition yet. It will give him a chance to go through it with you and be a source of emotional support. Also, it will tell you if he really accepts it. If he has doubts or thinks if you don't have xx chromosomes then you are not a woman no matter what you do. If he accepts it, he will stay and go through it. Personally, I would be uncomfortable getting too attached without letting the person know. Hopefully by then he will have gotten to know you. After all, you are a woman first and a transgender second. As Jade said, you are pretty hot, and I can see why he would feel attraction. Looks are certainly not everything since they fade in time, but it doesn't hurt a first impression.

sam1234

Damara, you are a woman. Even not having yet started HRT, you are a woman because in your mind you are a woman. Your history will never be like any other woman's, especially cisgender women, but we all, even cisgender women, have unique histories. You are not less than another woman because of that history.

Because of the biases built into our society today, my personal opinion is that it is always better in the long term to be clear with someone once things begin to get serious. Maybe someday that won't matter at all. I hope so. But we're not yet there so we have to face that along the way.

You are a woman. Go forth confident in that knowledge. You are not "fooling" anyone. You are you. If someone can't handle you, that will be their loss.

Damara, as others have already mentioned, you are beautiful and no less of a woman no matter what stage of transition you are at.
I am really happy for you that you are getting the attention that you deserve, and since it is from someone on an art site and not a dating site, I feel it is likely to be less creepy (no offence meant to anyone who visits dating sites ).
Having said that, prejudice or being misunderstood by cis folks is a reality that we all have to be wary of, so it will be good to take it slow and get to know each other better. Then tell him when you think it is getting serious, preferably before he comes down to meet you or 'wastes money and resources' as you rightly said, as in that way, there is even less reason for him to feel cheated or lied to, and it will be easier to stop an online conversation than a real-life one if he can't deal with it. Until then, I would also advise keeping your personally identifiable details to yourself, just in case he turns out to be a stalker or something.
I am sorry for painting these dire scenarios, but I sincerely hope that none of these turn out to be true, and that this turns out to be the start of something really special for you. May you get all the happiness that you deserve!

Take care
Cindy

Quote from: LizMarie on February 20, 2015, 11:13:23 AM
Damara, you are a woman. Even not having yet started HRT, you are a woman because in your mind you are a woman. Your history will never be like any other woman's, especially cisgender women, but we all, even cisgender women, have unique histories. You are not less than another woman because of that history.

Because of the biases built into our society today, my personal opinion is that it is always better in the long term to be clear with someone once things begin to get serious. Maybe someday that won't matter at all. I hope so. But we're not yet there so we have to face that along the way.

You are a woman. Go forth confident in that knowledge. You are not "fooling" anyone. You are you. If someone can't handle you, that will be their loss.

This is helpful! I definitely want to let anyone, I may be getting serious with, to know.. Thank you for the encouragement! <3

Quote from: cindy16 on February 20, 2015, 01:00:05 PM
Damara, as others have already mentioned, you are beautiful and no less of a woman no matter what stage of transition you are at.
I am really happy for you that you are getting the attention that you deserve, and since it is from someone on an art site and not a dating site, I feel it is likely to be less creepy (no offence meant to anyone who visits dating sites ).
Having said that, prejudice or being misunderstood by cis folks is a reality that we all have to be wary of, so it will be good to take it slow and get to know each other better. Then tell him when you think it is getting serious, preferably before he comes down to meet you or 'wastes money and resources' as you rightly said, as in that way, there is even less reason for him to feel cheated or lied to, and it will be easier to stop an online conversation than a real-life one if he can't deal with it. Until then, I would also advise keeping your personally identifiable details to yourself, just in case he turns out to be a stalker or something.
I am sorry for painting these dire scenarios, but I sincerely hope that none of these turn out to be true, and that this turns out to be the start of something really special for you. May you get all the happiness that you deserve!

Take care
Cindy

Thank you, Cindy! It definitely makes things seem less creepy, and more natural to me, having met him via an art site.. although I may try online dating in the future!

And no worries about the dire scenario presentations! I know that we face unique challenges and have to take certain measures to ensure our safety! Thanks so much, again, Cindy!

Actually, I wanted to update my situation. I'm a bit sad really, but am already feeling better than I was. So I've ascertained that my friend is just a nice guy who only wants to be friends. And that's fine!

However, I did let my self get too swept away by the prospect of a beautiful (inside and out) person taking a romantic interest in me and that has led to a lot emotional discovery in the past few days.

The fantasy was fun while it lasted! But alas was too good to be true. I'm not being bitter or jaded by this though, that's not how I respond to disappointment. I will just have to temper my heart more with my brain the next go at this kind of thing! 

Aww, don't be sad.
Hugs!


-Jade

Quote from: Jade_404 on February 21, 2015, 12:39:33 AM
Aww, don't be sad.
Hugs!


-Jade

Thanks dear, Jade! <3 I am feeling less sad! I must admit I feel more foolish than anything, for letting myself get so carried away.. oh well! I am kind of not even wanting to talk to him though.. just because that does hurt a bit.. for the moment.

I completely hear you. Our emotion gets the best of us most of the time and it hurts deep down when things don't work out the way we see it.
But please know that it's not only us who deals with it even cis women too.
Stay beautiful and keep smiling.

April

Quote from: Damara on February 21, 2015, 01:01:07 AM
Thanks dear, Jade! <3 I am feeling less sad! I must admit I feel more foolish than anything, for letting myself get so carried away.. oh well! I am kind of not even wanting to talk to him though.. just because that does hurt a bit.. for the moment.

Quote from: carmenkate on February 21, 2015, 01:12:35 AM
I completely hear you. Our emotion gets the best of us most of the time and it hurts deep down when things don't work out the way we see it.
But please know that it's not only us who deals with it even cis women too.
Stay beautiful and keep smiling.

April

Thank you, April! <3 Yeah, getting ahead of myself and creating a thing that didn't exist was not a wise thing to do! haha! And yes, that's so true! Sadness from such things isn't confined to any one group of people. We can all get broken hearts.

I'm with Jade. You're smokin'! No doubt about it.

And as far as "not being a normal woman"...exactly whose definition of normal are you using? Society's? Forgive how ridiculous this sounds, but since this is a "rated G" forum, bump that ish. Normal ain't a definition. It's a state of mind. If you feel like a normal woman, you are. No two ways to it.

Quote from: StrykerXIII on February 21, 2015, 01:27:29 AM
I'm with Jade. You're smokin'! No doubt about it.

And as far as "not being a normal woman"...exactly whose definition of normal are you using? Society's? Forgive how ridiculous this sounds, but since this is a "rated G" forum, bump that ish. Normal ain't a definition. It's a state of mind. If you feel like a normal woman, you are. No two ways to it.

Thanks Stryker!! Omg! It's so weird to me that people are saying I'm "hot!" Feeling so ugly my whole life, this is a thing I'm trying to embrace. haha! I think if the cute boys at work treated me like I were hot I'd feel more ... hot? XD They're all 19 year old sillies anyway.. and knew me "before" so that's just a dream.

And anyway... I suppose I still just don't feel like a normal woman.. but it seems according to others that that will come with time as transition progresses.. I hope!

But you learned something also, didn't you? When we begin to allow ourselves to express our real feelings, we often confirm certain things. We're naive and innocent young girls in certain respects. I had a crush on someone, and looking back on it, it really confirmed to me that I do find guys sexy and desirable and want to be with a man eventually. Before that, fighting off years of conditioning, I hadn't thought about it but rarely and more abstractly. But once that emotional event hit, I knew that my interest in men was right, for me.

Quote from: LizMarie on February 25, 2015, 09:33:58 AM
But you learned something also, didn't you? When we begin to allow ourselves to express our real feelings, we often confirm certain things. We're naive and innocent young girls in certain respects. I had a crush on someone, and looking back on it, it really confirmed to me that I do find guys sexy and desirable and want to be with a man eventually. Before that, fighting off years of conditioning, I hadn't thought about it but rarely and more abstractly. But once that emotional event hit, I knew that my interest in men was right, for me.

This is true! This whole process is about unveiling those hidden things.. transformation.

Personally, I've always found men attractive and have wanted to be with men. But even in this small experience I've learned things.. like.. be patient, and not to "count my chickens before they hatch" What a funny saying! But true!

Oh! I wanted to share that my gentleman friend is actually still communicating with me and it's lovely. I'm not sure where our online interactions may lead but I must admit it feels nice to have the positive attentions of a kind man.. even if it's just friendly online conversations!

If I may make an observation?

Often the most lasting and deepest loves arise from friendships, not from random dating or seeking someone just as a romantic partner. Let it develop! Who knows where it might go?

Quote from: LizMarie on March 07, 2015, 12:51:07 PM
If I may make an observation?

Often the most lasting and deepest loves arise from friendships, not from random dating or seeking someone just as a romantic partner. Let it develop! Who knows where it might go?

Thank you LizMarie! I'm doing this I guess, he actually has been speaking to me more recently all still very friendly and lovely, of course he did say he had a dream about me a few nights ago! Hahah! I was so shocked.. I could never imagine someone dreaming about me.. that felt quite nice to know, although it makes me even more anxious to tell him...