Brent had requested that I start a new thread describing transitioning in '89, so here goes.

I started late because there was a lack of knowledge. I just knew that I felt more like a guy than a girl. I finally found out about transgenders, I went to a therapist who saw gay people and lesbians because i didn't know where else to go. She sent me to a child psychologist despite the fact that I was 26 at the time.

When I made the appointment with the therapist, I had not yet told my parents. The therapist had no former experience, but was willing to help. He got me in touch with a psychologist who specialized. I was living in upstate N.Y. at the time, and the specialist lived and worked in Baltimore Maryland. Road trip.
Before going, she sent a psyche eval test that was at least 15 pages long. When I got to Baltimore, I had a 7 hour evaluation to confirm that I was a transgender and not just delusional. She ok'd my continuation of the process.

At the time, it was required that a person live in thier intended gender for at least two years. Since I had been doing that already, my therapist sent me to an endocrinologist. Technically I should have been in therapy for six months before starting HRT, but most likely from lack of experience, my therapist started me right away.

The top surgery was done after two months on hormones. I had it done with a local and it took an hour. I remember feeling like my body was being lifted off the table by my chest tissue. That and looking at the clock wanting to ask if we could finish this later. I couldn't talk so the surgeon would look over the drape and if he saw any anxiety, put more local in. I was small to begin with, so there wasn't much to remove. He did a great job.

The surgeon who did my OVH  found by asking around at local hospitals. Only one would do it, and he made it perfectly clear that he didn't believe in treated "mental illness" with surgery. The surgery was supposed to  be done with a spinal, but I had a bad reaction and had to be fully anesthetized. That was the roughest surgery of them all, mainly because the Dr. didn't leave orders for pain meds. The surgery was done through the vagina.

The last surgery was done by a plastic surgeon recommended by the surgeon who did my chest. No one else would even try. My surgeon had never performed the surgery, but consulted some Dr.s in the West Virginia. My parents had been extremely supportive and were paying for the surgeries, but didn't want to go to another state to have the surgery. I met with the surgeon and he told me up front that this was his first. He explained the procedure and showed me photos of what they would be doing.

The surgery was done via radial armflap, then my arm was covered with skin from my thigh. The thigh graft left no scar. He started with prepuberty testicles in order to stretch the skin. After a couple of months, he removed those and put in adult sized. I spent ten days in the burn unit. They drew an x on my penis so they would know where to put the doppler to check for circulation. The first couple of days, it was checked every hour round the clock. Then only four times a day.

At the time, there were a lot of things left out. He put one teste in each outer labia, but never connected them. There is no erotic feeling in the penis, but he left the clitoris at the base of the penis. No attempt was made to close the vagina. Between the lack of surgical knowledge at the time and the fact that the surgeon had never done it before left a pretty generic looking penis. There was no attempt to form a glans. Needless  to say, it was less that perfect. I can't say that I re(gret it though. If I had the money, I would get the scrotal sac(s) put together and get slightly larger testicles. I would also have the vagina closed as much as was possible. I've learned to live with this because the only person who would need to know outside the medical coumunity would be a spouse.

Mainly it was a lot of asking around with some help from surgeon 1. No muscle was incorporated, so its pretty flaccid. Looking at the results F to Ms are getting these days does make me a little jealous, but at the same time, I was very lucky to even find someone to help.

sam1234

Thank you for sharing this, it is very  interesting to hear about. I guess it's easy to take for granted hat is available for us now, an exciting how much progression continues to be made! Really awesome read.

Thank you for sharing your story. It was an interesting and informative read.

Thanks a lot for sharing your experience Sam, I am still in awe that you had your top surgery done with local anesthesia. I think I would prefer that too.

Thanks so much, Sam.

I can't imagine being awake for top surgery.  Since you were small, it wasn't double incision, I assume?

Can I ask if the place in Baltimore was John Hopkins?  They were one of the few doing work with transsexuals back then.

Great story.  Thanks so much for sharing with us.

Fascinating.

Brett,
the top surgery was done with two incisions. They were made around the aereola, the extra skin removed and the chest sculpted. I'd lifted weights for years prior, so I had well developed muscle underneath.

The place in Baltimore was a private psychologist. Eileen Higham. How I pulled that name out of my head after all these years I'll never know. She saw me in her office. She told me she usually did several interviews, but because I had to come so far, she jammed them all into a seven hour marathon. Pretty grueling, but she was nice. She sent me the final copy of her report, the same one she sent to my therapist, a few weeks later. I still have it. By the way, keep anything legal you do. All of it. Later in life you may find that you once again have to prove your gender and you don't want to have to chase down retired attorney's or Therapists to get it.

makipu,
Though doing the top surgery awake is less expensive, it was then anyway, I wouldn't recommend it. You do go under while they put a ton of lidocaine in your chest, but only briefly. Even with a great surgeon, really compassionate, I had nightmares about that surgery for a couple years post op. They do give a sedative, and there was some sort of paralytic in the mix, so I couldn't talk or move. I remember voices, periodically having an oxygen mask put over my face and seeing the clock on the wall. The surgeon would look over the tent frequently, (the drape is placed such that it makes a high wall in front of you so you can't see what they are doing), and he was damn good at watching my eyes. It seemed like every time I started to feel something, I'd see those eyes and more lidocaine would go in.

For all that, I'm glad that so many improvements have been made. Who knows how far they will come in another 26 years!

Sam1234

Oh, wow.  I definitely take back what I said then. I would have definitely had nightmares too.  I still can't believe how you went through that. Couldn't they put a sleeping mask so you at least didn't see that?  Also, was it done local because it was cheaper or did the surgeon gave you this option?

The surgeon gave me the option, and I guess I didn't want to be seen as a wimp. Not that they would have thought that.

You really don't see. There is a stand with its legs on either side of your head, and one drape goes over it. Kind of like half a tent that prevents you from seeing the surgery. The surgeon can look over it. Because he was vigilant, he caught pain really quickly, so there was never any really bad pain. What was uncomfortable was the sensation of your body being lifted off the table by your chest muscles. Of course that wasn't happening, but it was very unnerving and not pleasant. Also, the fact that I couldn't move or talk gave the impression of being trapped and completely out of control.

Those are very hard feelings to explain right. The lifting sounds like pain, but it was more of a pulling and pressure. Oddly enough, I went home an hour after it was done and never even needed an aspirin, even with two drains in.

sam1234

Quote from: sam1234 on February 24, 2015, 09:41:51 AM


The place in Baltimore was a private psychologist. Eileen Higham. How I pulled that name out of my head after all these years I'll never know. She saw me in her office. She told me she usually did several interviews, but because I had to come so far, she jammed them all into a seven hour marathon. Pretty grueling, but she was nice. She sent me the final copy of her report, the same one she sent to my therapist, a few weeks later. I still have it. By the way, keep anything legal you do. All of it. Later in life you may find that you once again have to prove your gender and you don't want to have to chase down retired attorney's or Therapists to get it.

Fascinating.  I found her obituary on the web in the Baltimore Sun, April 2010.  It stated, "she became an instructor and assistant professor in medical psychology at the Johns Hopkins School of Medicine. In the middle 1970s, she was also an adjunct professor of psychology at Hopkins' Homewood campus. At Hopkins, she worked with John Money in his gender-identity and sex-reassignment clinic."

I figured there had to be a connection back to John Hopkins (and Dr. Money), due to the time period you were down there.  Back then you didn't really see any private practice gender therapists around.  They were always connected to a gender clinic/hospital system.  She must have left Hopkins and gone into private practice.  You would have seen her some time in the 1980's? 

Sorry, for diving into your life, I just find trans history so interesting...and you lived it, my friend. 

I will send you the link to the article.

I was on the Hopkins faculty briefly in the late 80s -- in the school of public health, not the medical school, but there was a lot of overlap in what we were doing. The place was an absolute effin' hellhole snake pit for women. Any woman who survived it, got out, and had a successful career after that has my undying respect.

1989 wasn't that long ago for those of us up there in life already but seems a long time. I don't know if I could do chest surgery without being put under but then I think of how desperate I was to have it done. What an amazing journey. Thanks for sharing.

Camron

Brett,
no problem. You didn't tread anyplace you shouldn't have.
It would have been sometime in '89. I can remember particular times for some things, but not others. I know that the process started in '89, and I don't think I had seen my therapist more than a couple times before he sent me there. There were guidelines as far as how long you had to wait between steps, but they rushed me through. Partly because I was a first for at least two of the people I worked with and partly because I'd been passing for a long time.                                             

Quote from: Tysilio on February 25, 2015, 08:32:00 PM
I was on the Hopkins faculty briefly in the late 80s -- in the school of public health, not the medical school, but there was a lot of overlap in what we were doing. The place was an absolute effin' hellhole snake pit for women. Any woman who survived it, got out, and had a successful career after that has my undying respect.

She was on the ball and thorough.

sam1234

do you know which surgeon in west virginia your doctor consulted? i live in wv and am looking into top surgery this autumn. it's probably a stretch, but worth a shot!

sam1234, have you had any health conditions that have been linked to the long term use of synthetic testosterone? 

Quote from: camron on February 25, 2015, 08:48:09 PM
1989 wasn't that long ago for those of us up there in life already but seems a long time. I don't know if I could do chest surgery without being put under but then I think of how desperate I was to have it done. What an amazing journey. Thanks for sharing.

Camron

You're right, 1989 wasn't that long ago, but it certainly is for transsexual history/study.  There are no longitudinal studies of FTMs on testosterone.  Also, the thinking by the medical establishment about transsexuality was very different.  John Money, the psychologist, is very significant in gender/sexual identity theories.  He pretty much got it all going.   I could start rambling about it/him, but instead I will just link you to wikipedia.  Forgive me if you already know this information, but others, who don't know the history of gender identity/transsexualism, may find it interesting:

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/John_Money

For me, it is pretty neat to connect with someone (sam1234), who had a connection with Money, even if it was by extension.

(I'm 45 years old, by the way, so I get what you mean when you say you don't experience 1989 as that long ago  ).

Quote(I'm 45 years old, by the way, so I get what you mean when you say you don't experience 1989 as that long ago  ).

Long ago?? About 10 years, maybe, when you're 62.

Quote from: Tysilio on February 28, 2015, 10:09:25 AM
Long ago?? About 10 years, maybe, when you're 62.

Lol  I am thinking camron thinks I am the same age as most of the other guys on this board...in my 20's.  I could be wrong, though!

At what age did you begin to take testosterone, Tysilio?  I am thinking just a couple years ago, but I don't remember.  What was it like for you to come out at work?  Did you work at the type of job where you were well known in your profession inside and outside your company?

I am still in the process of coming out, there are so many management levels and layers to it (in my company).  Being in the same profession for many years, which includes many professional contacts, it is daunting.  I also grew up here. 

I am kind of in the middle at 31 But I am established in my career. I had been with the company I am with for 11 years and was a lead in my department for many years. I am in Catholic Healthcare so I was especially nervous about how it would go. When I made the decision to try to pursue hormones, I spoke with my immediate supervisor and the supervisor above her. Both were supportive and the "big boss" spoke with our HR just to make sure there would be no issues at a higher level. Then the opportunity came up to be promoted to formal leadership. I ended up getting that promotion so I was a little nervous to talk to all the staff about my plans to transition in the midst of a professional transition as well. I had originally planned to wait until changes on T were more evident to tell everyone (I was hoping that would give me a few months to transition into my new job role first). However a week or two before starting T, it just became too much. I was using my new chosen name and pronouns at home with my wife and kids, but being the "old me" at work. It was too difficult to go back to being that person for 8 hours a day. So I came out in person with my direct reports at a meeting, as well as the management team peers that I work with. Then I sent an email to roughly half the rest of the department and relied on word of mouth to do the rest. By the time I had my name legally changed 2 months later, I think there was maybe one person at an offsite location that asked me about it but other than that it had gotten to everyone. Despite working for a religious affiliated organization, the response was overwhelming. I expected ambivalence at best. What I got was unanimous and overwhelming support. Honestly, everyone has been fantastic and I haven't run into a single person that has treated me differently or respected me less. So, for me, it was a pretty fantastic experience. My wife and I work together (different roles, but same building) and she has been great at softly correcting incorrect pronouns when they did happen (though it is more and more rare a little over a year out from coming out). And I had a lot of people say they actually respect me more for being vulnerable and honest about who I am. So for me, it was actually a great, validating experience.