I think I may have introduced myself back in the spring, but I can't remember, so I'll do it again. Although I haven't been posting, I've been lurking religiously here, and always feel better after reading through the Susan's posts.
I'm MTF, 47, married with a super-supportive wife, and tentatively planning on widening the circle of friends that know in the spring. Like most older TS's, I don't think stealth is an option at all, as I've got a job, family, community ties, etc, etc. So after I finally came to grips with my GID around December or January, I've been wrestling with a) what to do about this realization and b) how will I (and the world) come to terms with those actions.
A) is resolving itself very, very quickly with my wife's support and my doctors and psychologist's help. The more I take action about my GID, the better I feel about myself, and that means the hormones and laser treatments and the looser gender presentation I've been doing for the past 6 months are things that point the way towards the future. I don't have any real doubts at this point that I'm headed for full time, surgery, FFS, etc.
But B) is still quite a mystery and it's what I'm working on right now in therapy. I am afraid of the responses to my coming out and transitioning before everyone's eyes, but I also suspect everything will be all right. I think it's the uncertainty that's causing me difficulty. The best of all worlds will be that I transition and end up with everything I've got now, just without all that misery and desperation. And, of course, that's what I'm hoping for. The worst would be the loss of everything: job, family, friends, etc. I don't think that's going to happen. The realist in me is trying to figure out just where on that spectrum reality will lie and brainstorming how I can make it fall more to the good side than to the bad.
I'm a published professor who has no interest in throwing away all that earlier scholarship or faculty/student relationships, and I think that's also causing me some difficulty. Everyone knows me, in my field, at least, so despite being a reserved person who just likes to be behind the scenes, I know that this announcement I have to make around May or June is going to ripple to every university. Maybe it'll spawn an enormous wave of good karma, contrary to all my fears. I feel a little stressed anticipating that this transition will necessarily have to contain some element of PR (maybe a personal website or press release or something), and that I can't just grapple with it privately, or with just one firm, or one hometown.
I'll survive, I'm sure.
My town is Lubbock, TX, not necessarily the most progressive city in the high plains of the United States, but it *is* a college town with quite a bit of diversity around the university. No support group, however, and that really bugs me. I have met with another patient of my psychologist's (with both of our consent, of course), and that was wonderful.
In any case, howdy again, and I promise to begin posting. This October has been a great thaw in my life and it's as if the fog has lifted and my writing ability has returned.
Joyce
