Quote from: carmenkate on February 03, 2015, 07:17:34 PM
I know I might get some flack for saying this but I'd rather channel my energy on how I can improve myself and be a better version of myself every single day.
I still think having a good and kind heart makes a woman beautiful. It makes her glow and stand out.

No amount of make up can mask an ugly heart -Kevyn Aucoin.

I second that, much better way of burning up your energy 

L Katy

I'm usually jealous of women being able to wear some nice boots or things about their body , such as having wide hips or a nice curvy shape.  Although this is true, I usually feel pretty good about my own body.  I think that dysphoria and jealousy are normal and it does help one validate with oneself that you are transgender, it is bad to get carried away with it, especially with things that cannot be easily changed.

I know that I shouldn't be so jealous, and I try not to. Honestly, my biggest source of jealousy probably stems from me being stuck in a state where I can't even explore the possibility of transitioning yet, and so my mind just goes over how much I want to and how great it would be over and over. And in that state of mind, seeing other women just gets to me...

I live in the country where transitioning isn't easy and usually is very, very slow. I used to be angry at system and jealous at men around, but now I just observe, I study what makes man a man, and try to apply it on myself. A small change can be very significant, I saw some guys who transitioned without T and look pretty good.

CIS girls do the same thing with other cis girls that have features they admire and feel they will never attain.  My wife of 24 years has long been that way.  She is taller than most women, including me.  She absolutely hates it when I just go up to the rack and find cute clothes that fit.  I think she has the same sort of jealousy mentioned in the original post.  She will never have a petite, stereotypical cute feminine size (in her mind).  We both will see a girl that has features we both admire and look at each other and say the same thing: "B!@ch!"  Of course we do not dislike that girl at all, but we get that jealous feeling and I think it is normal for all girls.  Just that some are jealous of other girls for different reasons and attributes.  There are plenty of cis girls I know that I am not at all jealous of....

I get jealous of cis-women,  I also get a little jealous of other trans-women who are beautiful and have had successful transitions. I try not spend too much time thinking about because I usually end up more depressed.

I'm so over it.  I admit I had it pretty bad toward the end of dude days, but I realize now that jealousy is as pointless as the "what if" game.   

"Oooh, she's got great hair/legs/body/blah blah blah.  I'll never have that and I wish I could trade places with her right now." *wallows in it*

But the thing is that I'm probably a lot smarter, wiser, more talented and funnier.  I have a great wife, family and friends that I would not trade for anything.  I live in a nice house and am finally financially secure.  My life has no more unpleasant drama in it.  Apart from that whole unfortunate plumbing issue, my life is pretty awesome now.  And hell, I'm about ready to have that outdoor plumbing put back indoors where it belongs.

Those women are probably more jealous of me now than I ever was of them. 

I'm good.

I sometimes get jealous of trans-women. Like i'll see a trans-woman who has had a successful transition and think, "Why can't I be pretty like her?"

I'm not sure if this but I'll try the discussion.

Why are people jealous? It is a very common human trait, I think it is even commented on in various holy books as being 'sinful' whatever that means. But when you think about it. Jealousy in internalized hatred. There is something we hate about ourselves that someone else has and we want it. That something can be ethereal, looks, money, friends; and other things such as freedom. self expression, friendship.

Now let us look at our trans*community. Lets look at some positive things. You are all members of a family, a community here of some 15,000 people. You are accepted and as long as basic civility is followed, you can discuss anything, ask for help about anything, cry, laugh: talk freely about what concerns you. Most of the time you will get a reply, sometimes heaps, sometimes a few. But you are family; we all feel alone at times but to be honest when you are alone and post here someone will reach out.

Now look at our haters. People stuck in a rigid society where differences are not accepted, differences are insulted and vilified. Freedom is not encouraged, indeed it is actively inhibited.

Take this for example: if a member posts a pic or whatever saying I like my green hair, short skirt, beard and boots what do you think? We accept and ask questions and learn. Try doing that in mainstream society!!

We get jealous that cisgender people are accepted etc. But are they? They are forced into uniformity, to never express themselves.

So when we feel jealous of cis people what are we jealous off? Being accepted in society? Well do you really want to be a member of that society?

Yes we want acceptance, but on our terms please. Yes we want health care, but too be honest that in at least USA is not really a trans*issue. It is a political issue for all. We want equal work opportunity; don't all minorities? We want freedom of education for our trans*kids; I want equal education for ALL children. We want to stop violence against our community; I want violence against ALL women stopped.

All of these are political issues, so why and where does jealousy come in? If it is political we can change it. No matter how hard that is.

Jealousy of things we cannot have: I would have loved to have carried children, I would have loved to have a man and a family, even if my children had been adopted and not mine by birth. I couldn't; I cannot. Jealousy of this is futile and self destructive.

In this journey we have choices, most of them are tough ones. In my mind jealousy does not help us in anyway.

Sorry, badly written but some thoughts I wanted to try out.

Cindy
(my personal comments only)

That makes sense. My jealousy generally stems from hating my current body, and seeing what I'd like to be, but can't have. I've slowly been sinking lower and lower on the self image scale lately. At first, when I accepted I wanted to be a woman, I pulled my hair straight and felt really good about how feminine it looked. Lately, however, I find it harder to see that part of me in the mirror...so when I see women I get....upset.

I always wondered if that intense jealousy I felt was common. I guess it is It still kinda sucks though, and I feel the same jealousy when seeing the amazing timelines of beautiful transwomen who start off looking manly like me but end up so beautiful and feminine.

I'm never jealous, I'm frequently inspired!

It seems to me that jealousy is only nasty if it accompanied by the dismissal of oneself, or the dismissal of another. The dismissal of oneself in that, you see a trait, accomplishment, or possession that you have decided is impossible for you. Dismissal of another in the sense that you see their trait, accomplishment, or possession as undeserved, or them being unworthy, or having gotten it through a more expedient route than you even could (*pouty face*). One makes you feel bad about yourself, and the other makes you feel bad about someone else.

There's a lot of inspiring people out there.

Revisiting this;

Going out in public and finally being a woman full time almost everywhere makes me jealous of some women. Those who are pretty and "pass" effortlessly especially. Those who are pregnant too. I love my kids a lot. I wish I had carried them. they've been calling me mommy daddy for as long as I remember except for my son. It feels nice when they stop at the "mommy" part. At the same time I don't want to take away what they have with their mom.

Haha that was one of the ways I realized I was in need of transitioning: whenever I saw a beautiful woman, I would rarely think I wanted to sleep with her first, rather I wanted much more intensely to BE her. And of course THEN sleep with her... but I'm a little funny like that.

Women feel envious of each other all the time, it's totally normal but dysphoria sure amplifies it.  It will get better as you become more comfortable with yourself.  It's bad news to compare yourself to other people, because they're not you.

I felt that way all my life until now.
Transition cured me.
Dodie

Honestly? Yes, at first especially I did at times get rather jealous... Not so much due to how they looked , but rather how they where treated better by strangers in general when we went out because of how they looked... (Getting invited to drinks, or success rate when asking a stranger for a cigarette in the street... Etc...)

Then I started to focus on my strong points instead.... I'm the slimmest among my friends and most other girls I've seen, have big pretty eyes that always get a lot of attention, and except for my genitals I have a great body....  I mean, I've never said I was trans in a few 'dating' sites where I posted very revealing (almost-nude) pics which got a LOT of attention... (Ego boost, yay!)

My point? Instead of looking at what others have 'better' than you... Look at what you have 'better' than others...


PS: I'm an adult that knows what she's doing and I'm also a bit crazy, hence the pics on that site...  I'm not suggesting anyone else do it... Seriously, don't want to be told off for being a bad influence

I was always more jealous of all the girl stuff cis women get to do. Even when I would see two of my female co workers going off together chatting, I'd think "why am I not included?" And I'd get so sad. But taking this step is how I may finally be let in on the chat, so... Sure the I wish game is being played out in my head as far as my body is concerned and I look all around me at the women of every stripe and shape, I wish I had elements of all of them but what can I do. I'm pretty happy and hopefull with what I have got. A cis friend and I were talking last night, (yay chat time) I mentioned my brow ridge and she pointed out that her and most of her sisters have significant brow ridges. She also expressed, for the second time in a week, that she is a bit jealous of my body. We are close to the same height but she's a little heavy and couldn't even hope to fit in what fits me. Body jealousy does make me feel more like the woman I am because it puts me right there in the conversation. It is something women share!

You wouldn't want to be the cold hearted bitch who thinks she's perfect and looks down on the other ladies would you? I'd rather get to bitch about her to my girlfriends than feel left out for one more day!

Quote from: Cindy on March 06, 2015, 01:28:01 AM

...Now let us look at our trans*community. Lets look at some positive things. You are all members of a family, a community here of some 15,000 people. You are accepted and as long as basic civility is followed, you can discuss anything, ask for help about anything, cry, laugh: talk freely about what concerns you. Most of the time you will get a reply, sometimes heaps, sometimes a few. But you are family; we all feel alone at times but to be honest when you are alone and post here someone will reach out.

Now look at our haters. People stuck in a rigid society where differences are not accepted, differences are insulted and vilified. Freedom is not encouraged, indeed it is actively inhibited.

Take this for example: if a member posts a pic or whatever saying I like my green hair, short skirt, beard and boots what do you think? We accept and ask questions and learn. Try doing that in mainstream society!!

We get jealous that cisgender people are accepted etc. But are they? They are forced into uniformity, to never express themselves.

So when we feel jealous of cis people what are we jealous off? Being accepted in society? Well do you really want to be a member of that society?

Yes we want acceptance, but on our terms please. Yes we want health care, but too be honest that in at least USA is not really a trans*issue. It is a political issue for all. We want equal work opportunity; don't all minorities? We want freedom of education for our trans*kids; I want equal education for ALL children. We want to stop violence against our community; I want violence against ALL women stopped.


...Jealousy of things we cannot have: I would have loved to have carried children, I would have loved to have a man and a family, even if my children had been adopted and not mine by birth. I couldn't; I cannot. Jealousy of this is futile and self destructive.

I love this, so wise...

Quote from: Cindy on March 06, 2015, 01:28:01 AM
I'm not sure if this but I'll try the discussion.

Why are people jealous? It is a very common human trait, I think it is even commented on in various holy books as being 'sinful' whatever that means. But when you think about it. Jealousy in internalized hatred. There is something we hate about ourselves that someone else has and we want it. That something can be ethereal, looks, money, friends; and other things such as freedom. self expression, friendship.

Now let us look at our trans*community. Lets look at some positive things. You are all members of a family, a community here of some 15,000 people. You are accepted and as long as basic civility is followed, you can discuss anything, ask for help about anything, cry, laugh: talk freely about what concerns you. Most of the time you will get a reply, sometimes heaps, sometimes a few. But you are family; we all feel alone at times but to be honest when you are alone and post here someone will reach out.

Now look at our haters. People stuck in a rigid society where differences are not accepted, differences are insulted and vilified. Freedom is not encouraged, indeed it is actively inhibited.

Take this for example: if a member posts a pic or whatever saying I like my green hair, short skirt, beard and boots what do you think? We accept and ask questions and learn. Try doing that in mainstream society!!

We get jealous that cisgender people are accepted etc. But are they? They are forced into uniformity, to never express themselves.

So when we feel jealous of cis people what are we jealous off? Being accepted in society? Well do you really want to be a member of that society?

Yes we want acceptance, but on our terms please. Yes we want health care, but too be honest that in at least USA is not really a trans*issue. It is a political issue for all. We want equal work opportunity; don't all minorities? We want freedom of education for our trans*kids; I want equal education for ALL children. We want to stop violence against our community; I want violence against ALL women stopped.

All of these are political issues, so why and where does jealousy come in? If it is political we can change it. No matter how hard that is.

Jealousy of things we cannot have: I would have loved to have carried children, I would have loved to have a man and a family, even if my children had been adopted and not mine by birth. I couldn't; I cannot. Jealousy of this is futile and self destructive.

In this journey we have choices, most of them are tough ones. In my mind jealousy does not help us in anyway.

Sorry, badly written but some thoughts I wanted to try out.

Cindy
(my personal comments only)

Aaaaaaaaaactuallllyyyyyyyyyy........

I'm not allowed to share links as far as I recall so I'm not going to bother looking for the articles... But you should be able to find them without a problem on Google...

Yes, we can... Or at least, may be able to have kids in the near future... Been hearing a lot about uterus transplantations, which added to stem-cell aided genital 'regeneration'... Makes it a rather likely future.... Both articles (about both kinds of 'surgeries') actually had an ending quote on how this could potentially help us TS women potentially get pregnant and give birth...

The question is... Once this is available in the mainstream market.... How much will it cost? Will there be a chance it'll be covered by public health care?

(I'm not a scientist and read these articles a while ago, so my way of explaining and terminology may be very off... Sorreh ._.)