^^What the title say^^

To be honest only 3 of my friends know that I'm transgender. All of them either asked my gender or found out by stalking me and seeing what I put down as gender on a lgbt forum. So I never really came out by myself to anyone.

How did you come out? Do you have any tips or ideas of how I can come out, hopefully without having my anxiety go all over the place.

Hello Raizel

There is no right or wrong way to come out, but, if you have some level of anxiety about all of this, it would be good to understand the cause of your anxiety very well before you start, and to develop a course of action that would take this into account.

It also depends on what your goals are, and how these would be furthered by coming out.  If you want to come out just to relieve an internal stress, this is perfectly valid, although it may not be particularly useful.  Many of us come out as part of a transition process, although you've not explained whether that is part or your intention, so it's not so easy for us to make the best possible observations.

Coming out brings risks, and you already know this.  In terms of reducing risk (and stress!) as much as possible I would say that coming out should proceed in the order of friends, family and then employer, and it's a process where you may need to stop and reassess based on reactions you receive.  Bear in mind that when you come out the logical question from people will probably be "OK, so what are you going to do about it?", and it may be good to have a plan for yourself so that you can explain what you do intend to do.   I was quite clear that my coming out and subsequent transition would be firmly in my control, and a detailed plan helped a lot.

As for the exact process of coming out, it really does depend.  Some people have the courage to do it face-to-face; others prefer something less direct like a letter.  The key thing however is one of attitude, and it's a bit self-fulfilling:  if you expect negative reactions you will probably get them; and similarly if you expect positive reactions. 

If you give us more information here we may be able to be a little more enlightening....

Julia

As Julia said, there really isn't any one way to do it. But I think most people will agree that some level of planning vs. doing it on the fly tends to work a bit better.

For starters, get all your answers together. People are curious by nature, and often a little invasive in their questioning. It helps to get comfortable answering common questions, because family and friends often won't draw a line between need to know and TMI. Having a transition plan does help from what I've experienced.

I'd also sit down and maybe rank people in terms of who you think would be easiest to come out to. Maybe start with those friends that already know and officially come out to them, then gauge from there who to tell next.

Best of luck!

I've had social anxiety for most of my life, which never helps. I just get nervous for no reason. I do have a transition plan which is good. My friends tend to be super chill and there are already 3 trans people in my group of friends [idk how that happened]. Anxiety is just.....ugh... My friends came out on facebook, but I don't have one so..... meh...

Anyways... thank you very much.

Why don't you practice here? Come out to us! 

Hugs, Devlyn

Quote from: Devlyn Marie on March 06, 2015, 08:31:18 PM
Why don't you practice here? Come out to us! 

Right on Devlyn!!

Raizel, the key thing is to believe in yourself 200% and to surround yourself with supportive people.  Try to put your anxiety into a box marked "The old me" and visualise putting that box somewhere far out of reach.

Good luck - we're friends here and always avaiable to help.

Hugs
Julia

I came out to all my friends and family one at a time by dragging them off alone and tailoring what to say to each individual's needs. My mother.. needed to know I was still her child. I told her many things.. including that I wanted to take the name she'd have given me if II'd popped out a CIS girl. My father.. didn't need much information. Just that I wanted to be perfectly honest and I felt like I'd been lying to him all my life. My sisters.. just needed to know so it was short and sweet. In the end. They all love me no matter what and support me. In different ways.. And the surprising thing is.. the person I thought would be the MOST ok with my wanting to transition.. turned out to be the LEAST ok. My mother just doesn't know what to think. We still talk. We still love each other. But there's a slight biti of tension now. I thought my dad would NEVER have understood. He's oldschool. I really expected him to tell me never to show my face again. But after I told him he said "son, were you afraid to tell me?" i replied yes. "Well.. just so you know, I don't care WHAT you are. I'll always love WHO you are." He hugged me. And said when I start becoming his daughter he'll support me fully. And if I needed any help along the way. Just say the word.

Making the decision to come out was hard. It took time. It took me getting desperate to be myself. I was literaly backed into a corner (in boymode) by the snow this winter so I couldn't goto my cousin's house and be myself for a couple days a month. I NEEDED TO BE MYSELF MORE OFTEN. So I said.. "Yunno if fear is all that's holding me back from reaching my dreams.. I should start growing a pair" lol.. I know that sounds so horrible. But that's what was on my mind. And I did. Within a week. I came out to everyone. The people that I knew would never accept "me" I just stopped talking to. They aren't good friends to have. I'll make new ones. That may also sounds horrible. But You have to do what is going ot make you happy.

I wasn't happy.
Now I am. I'm happier than I've ever been all my life and I haven't even started HRT/Therapy yet.

I wish you the best of luck and the most courage a person can humanly muster. Don't let anything hold you back. Just go be yourself. *HUGS*

I will try to do that Julia. Luckily there is a LGBT center 20min from my house, I love everyone there dearly and they have helped me a lot.

Coming out here is a good idea, but I don't know where to start....

Then I'll start!  We'll do it Alcoholics Anonymous style!

Hi, my name is Devlyn Marie and I'm a crossdresser. I started wearing dresses seven years ago.

See, it's easy! Hugs, Devlyn

Hi, my name is Jennifer. I was Paul. I'm a MtF trans.