I definitely wouldn't want to be that kind of person!  😮

Honestly, the only reason I feel this way is because I'm stuck in a place where I can't do anything to start feminizing myself. I can't see a counselor or anything because I would not feel okay looking into that while I live with my family, and wearing female clothing would be out of the question. So, since I can't do anything to make my body feel more like the woman my mind sees, I channel that in the only way that I can: online. So when I see women (heck even hyper feminine men that can totally pass as women) I get upset. Not the nasty, hateful towards others kind of upset. Just more of a....I wish I could have this in my life upset.

YES! Every time I would see a male on television or just walking past me, I'd get so jealous, wanting a flat chest, facial hair, etc. Some days I can't even concentrate in school because I'm looking at the guys in the class and wanting to be like them. It's so frustrating!

Dean
So amazing the contrast between mtf and ftm
Now that I am cured I see men and think how cool it would be to be a dude but I am not.
I love having a chest and like my body but makeup and hair takes so much time
Good luck with ur transition kiddo

Quote from: DeanJulian on March 06, 2015, 01:53:48 PM
Some days I can't even concentrate in school because I'm looking at the guys in the class and wanting to be like them. It's so frustrating!

I had to go to an all boys school - I know you'd probably think that was awesome, I didn't think so at the time. But I have to say, on reflection I think going to a co-ed school where there were female students as well probably would have sent me into the pits of despair too... being so near to girls and feeling that I couldn't be one of them would have not been fun at all.

I don't think jealousy quite describes it...I tend to lash out at the ciswomen in my life sometimes. When they're trying to console me during a bad bout of dysphoria-induced depression, I wind up saying things like "You wouldn't know! You're happy with your body!" or "Easy for you to say! You don't have to live with this like I do!"...

...thankfully, I have some really freakin' awesome friends. It just bounces right off them and they go right to reminding me that my body has nothing to do with me being a woman. I even have a fully-lesbian (and I mean RAGING lesbian) friend who flirts with me from time to time to help pick me back up. I brought it up one day ("Why do you flirt with me? I'm not built right, after all...") and her response was, "I don't give a crap how you're built, you ditz, you're a woman and that makes you fair game".  I really do love that gal.

My girlfriend tells me the same thing, and I love her so much for it. I don't know...I'm just at a point where I NEED to feel more like a girl physically, because the longer I go without it the more I fear that I will be masculine/male with no other choice, what my body will become unchangable and there's no way I'll ever be able to feel -physically- like a woman. That's where my jealousy comes out in me.