Quote from: Devlyn Marie on March 08, 2015, 11:55:10 AM
My thoughts are "I wonder why I don't see wanting the changes as being unhappy?"

If the changes are taking you in a direction that makes you more comfortable with yourself then why should you be unhappy about making them? If they make you more comfortable then they are to be desired, not reviled.

From my own perspective, the changes have settled me tremendously. I did not loathe my body although I was increasingly unhappy with my general appearance and I never really slept properly at night because my mind would obsessively spin around thinking about how I was wrongly formed, but I got through life until I had to change. The choices were gone and I had to do it. So I did it. When I got to the shrink he took about 10 minutes to tell me I had GD in spades because only someone with GD would do what I had done. I had been "RLE" for 14 months before I saw the shrink. "Normal Blokes" just do not do that. The fact that I was prepared to make these drastic changes to my life was diagnosis enough. One other point he added was that asking if you had GD was practically a diagnosis in itself. People, in general, simply never question their gender.

I tried being a crossdresser and failed. It took me about 10 minutes mixing with crossdressers to figure that I was very different from them. I had no desire to hide. I was not shy about being me. I had no worries about presenting publicly and I hated, absolutely loathed breast forms and hip/bum pads because they were so false. Not genuine. Not me. I had no shame about being female because that was me, that was who I was deep inside.

I would have preferred to be a crossdresser. To have the ability to chose when to deal with dysphoria by dressing, to not have to tell everyone, to not lose friends and family.... oh yes, CDing would have been a much, much better option for me. But it was not to be. It was never the clothes that were wrong, it was me that had to change and so I have done that.

Quote from: Devlyn Marie on March 08, 2015, 11:55:10 AM
You've given me some food for thought. You make very convincing points.

Why not go see a counsellor? Spend a little bit of money and go for one session and goes as Devlyn, make the appointment as Devlyn and make your first question "Do I have Gender Dysphoria?" and see where it goes.

Just a thought, but "happy" and "unhappy" are not a binary decision. Right now I am happy about some things, unhappy about others. And I'm different degrees of "happy" about each thing.

So, and this is what I think happened to me because I never felt entirely unhappy due to GD, I think I knew that I was not as happy as I could be due to my birth sex and body. On balance, I could quite often honestly describe myself as happy, and I was lukewarm about my body parts. I just knew that it would be a big improvement if I could exchange them for a better fitting set.

Just because we're transgender (or the appropriate term for each of us) doesn't mean that facet of our identity has to be the dominant one. We are complicated beings, every one of us.

Quote from: Devlyn Marie on March 08, 2015, 11:45:14 AM
Yup, it's the umbrella term. I don't doubt anybody's word, I'm just trying to verify how  people presented (medically,  not dress) to their providers.

Hugs, Devlyn

Devlyn, I first showed up to the endo in guy mode, told him I didn't need anything more than a low dose at that time and that I was not intending to transition fully nor socially any time soon.   I simply said that I wanted to see if it was really for me, and if it wasn't, then I was going right off of it.

I went full time two months later. 

This has been an interesting topic, because I thought I understood what crossdressing is, but now I don't know.  Specially, Devlyn what you describe sounds like gender queer, wanting to be in between.  I do say this in positive way, as I really would like to have a better understanding.

As for informed consent.  I think willingness to change ones body shows some degree of GD.  But even ignoring that, I would think a doctor would be willing to prescribe HRT, under the "least harm", or "do no harm" motto.  I think doctors would rather prescribe someone HRT, which is a very regulated and understood, as apposed to doing nothing and a person takes herbs to get the result, which is not regulated and is not well understood.

Quote from: Jill F on March 08, 2015, 05:32:54 PM
Devlyn, I first showed up to the endo in guy mode, told him I didn't need anything more than a low dose at that time and that I was not intending to transition fully nor socially any time soon.   I simply said that I wanted to see if it was really for me, and if it wasn't, then I was going right off of it.

I went full time two months later.

This is why I keep asking the question, though. How did you end up in an endo's office? You don't see one because you have a splinter. At some point before the prescription did your gender come up?

Hugs, Devlyn

Quote from: jessical on March 08, 2015, 06:39:58 PM
This has been an interesting topic, because I thought I understood what crossdressing is, but now I don't know.  Specially, Devlyn what you describe sounds like gender queer, wanting to be in between.  I do say this in positive way, as I really would like to have a better understanding.

As for informed consent.  I think willingness to change ones body shows some degree of GD.  But even ignoring that, I would think a doctor would be willing to prescribe HRT, under the "least harm", or "do no harm" motto.  I think doctors would rather prescribe someone HRT, which is a very regulated and understood, as apposed to doing nothing and a person takes herbs to get the result, which is not regulated and is not well understood.

Bad day to ask me about better understanding, I'm getting quite confused about myself today!  Hang around and we'll see if we can figure me out!

Hugs, Devlyn

Quote from: Devlyn Marie on March 08, 2015, 06:49:58 PM
This is why I keep asking the question, though. How did you end up in an endo's office? You don't see one because you have a splinter. At some point before the prescription did your gender come up?

Hugs, Devlyn

Hi Devlyn,

I thought I was a crossdresser...  until I started to consider why I was interested in crossdressing, my identity is female and she wanted to just dress pretty. 

I ended up at my Endocrinologist's office after I'd had about 6 weeks of therapy and my therapist gave me the verbal approval for HRT.  I booked the appointment, and about two weeks before asked about what I'd need to bring with me to start hormone therapy.  I went to the appointment in a cute polka-dot dress, light makeup, nude hose, and black flats, presenting as a middle aged woman in a dress.  We had a good discussion, I mentioned my history with both crossdressing, I mentioned that there were touch points where I would mention to my mother that I was sure I wasn't male, then there was my 12yo boob growth spurt and how I was disappointed when it stopped, and more.  In the end she agreed, I had GD, and at my next consultation I'll be starting HRT. 

I'd highly recommend you at least work with you Primary Care Physician, to see where your levels are.  Bio-identical's do work, but there's a danger in the fact you don't really know how much you're getting, and its efficacy at regulating your levels.  That's what you should really consider: get the proper tests, and if you stick with BI get some follow up tests to see how it's affecting you levels.  This is really important that you have a good handle on it, because this can be serious if it's not right.  I imagine that's the motive for not mentioning dosing in the TOS, because the levels are different because we are each unique.   It probably doesn't matter that you're not exactly femm, or want to move a little closer to being femm, the end result is that you have the desire to change your hormone balance to the point you're getting feminine secondary sexual characteristics. 

-Alana

Quote from: Devlyn Marie on March 08, 2015, 06:49:58 PM
This is why I keep asking the question, though. How did you end up in an endo's office? You don't see one because you have a splinter. At some point before the prescription did your gender come up?

Hugs, Devlyn

My therapist told me to call him and mention that I am her patient. 

Quote from: Devlyn Marie on March 08, 2015, 11:09:49 AM
The boobage was the driving force, because I thought it would look right on me, and it does. I had a muscleless, hairless frame that looked like a flat chested woman with a penis. Now I look like a woman with modest breasts and a penis, and I like it. I know some people see me as a man with boobs, that's just a matter of which direction you're looking at it from. The fact is, I'm a hybrid, an exotic.  I know that language won't sit well with everyone, but it's how I see myself.

So to reset, does the hybrid get HRT because they want it?

Hugs, Devlyn

An "exotic hybrid"... I think you should be in charge of all labeling in the TG spectrum.  Sounds awesome.

To answer your question, I don't see why not.  I think the gut instinct is to say "no" because most people don't see non-transitioning cross-dressers as "hybrids".  If they met more people like you and not based it on media stereotypes, I think it would change the landscape of it.  And you are right, there is a sort of exotic romanticism in what you are doing.  You are probably a walking prototype for the future of humanity for all we know.

Quote from: Alana_Jane on March 08, 2015, 07:18:04 PM
Hi Devlyn,

I thought I was a crossdresser...  until I started to consider why I was interested in crossdressing, my identity is female and she wanted to just dress pretty. 

I ended up at my Endocrinologist's office after I'd had about 6 weeks of therapy and my therapist gave me the verbal approval for HRT.  I booked the appointment, and about two weeks before asked about what I'd need to bring with me to start hormone therapy.  I went to the appointment in a cute polka-dot dress, light makeup, nude hose, and black flats, presenting as a middle aged woman in a dress.  We had a good discussion, I mentioned my history with both crossdressing, I mentioned that there were touch points where I would mention to my mother that I was sure I wasn't male, then there was my 12yo boob growth spurt and how I was disappointed when it stopped, and more.  In the end she agreed, I had GD, and at my next consultation I'll be starting HRT. 

I'd highly recommend you at least work with you Primary Care Physician, to see where your levels are.  Bio-identical's do work, but there's a danger in the fact you don't really know how much you're getting, and its efficacy at regulating your levels.  That's what you should really consider: get the proper tests, and if you stick with BI get some follow up tests to see how it's affecting you levels.  This is really important that you have a good handle on it, because this can be serious if it's not right.  I imagine that's the motive for not mentioning dosing in the TOS, because the levels are different because we are each unique.   It probably doesn't matter that you're not exactly femm, or want to move a little closer to being femm, the end result is that you have the desire to change your hormone balance to the point you're getting feminine secondary sexual characteristics. 

-Alana

Thanks for the information, my supplement actually is regulated, but you're right, I don't know what my levels are, other than high enough to start feminization.

Hugs, Devlyn

Quote from: Jill F on March 08, 2015, 07:22:19 PM
My therapist told me to call him and mention that I am her patient.

OK, thanks!

Hugs, Devlyn

Quote from: Abysha on March 08, 2015, 07:25:02 PM
An "exotic hybrid"... I think you should be in charge of all labeling in the TG spectrum.  Sounds awesome.

To answer your question, I don't see why not.  I think the gut instinct is to say "no" because most people don't see non-transitioning cross-dressers as "hybrids".  If they met more people like you and not based it on media stereotypes, I think it would change the landscape of it.  And you are right, there is a sort of exotic romanticism in what you are doing.  You are probably a walking prototype for the future of humanity for all we know.

Your post has me grinning from ear to ear! I stole exotic from Shantel, I hope she doesn't mind!

Hugs, Devlyn

I showed  up at Mazzoni and did an intake. I was fragile. The Social worker asked why I was there and I said I am transgender and wanted HRT. She asked how I knew. I went on for an hour and went through a lot of tissues. Then I asked her if she had any other questions. She said no and gave me a therapist card they work with. 5 months later I was on HRT.

I did not know what dysphoria was. After a few sessions, perhaps 6, with my therapist I asked what dysphoria was and did I have it. She said you have it very bad and rattles off a dozen or so examples I had told her.

Quote from: Alana_Jane on March 08, 2015, 07:18:04 PM
I thought I was a crossdresser...  until I started to consider why I was interested in crossdressing, my identity is female and she wanted to just dress pretty. 

Despite all the common threads, it is always interesting how different transgender experiences can be... I was completely the other way around. I've known since I knew anything about the difference between boys and girls that I wanted a female body. But until I started seriously thinking about coming out (30ish years later...) I never even considered wearing women's clothing.

Now I love it and look forward to going public (and hopefully getting some curves so it wears a little more comfortably). But my motivating factor has always been being stuck with the wrong parts.

Quote from: jeni on March 08, 2015, 08:25:32 PM
Despite all the common threads, it is always interesting how different transgender experiences can be... I was completely the other way around. I've known since I knew anything about the difference between boys and girls that I wanted a female body. But until I started seriously thinking about coming out (30ish years later...) I never even considered wearing women's clothing.

Now I love it and look forward to going public (and hopefully getting some curves so it wears a little more comfortably). But my motivating factor has always been being stuck with the wrong parts.

You know Jeni, just as each of use is a unique flower, our path to self realization is just as unique.  As I've been briefly involved with other crossdressers over the past year, it seems that it can be(but not always) indicative of something deeper. 

In my case, My one and only purge came after I realized that to me, if I continued I would want to transition and I wasn't ready to be an open and out transexual.  I felt as an fundi-christian I would be damming my eternal soul to hell, that I would wind up on the street with no way out.  I saw all the negative possibilities of being a TS in the early '90s.  This lead me to the conclusion the only way to deal with this was to purge then bury this as a dark secret.  But in the end, I should know the truth, and the truth set me free.  Not free from being trans, but to embrace my trans nature.   

"Spread your wing and fly away...  Butterfly!"

Alana