When I first joined this forum, I wasn't entirely sure of who I was. Fast-forward a few weeks, and I feel the need to re-introduce the new, confident, happy me!
I was born with the name Kyle, but it never fit. Even looking at it in text feels bizarre. I knew from a young age that I was "different", but I didn't know
how. I spent many years in denial, pushing my feminine tendencies aside to do "guy stuff", but never really went for it whole-heartedly. When nobody else was around, I played with my sister's toys instead of my own. The only "typically male" interests I've ever had are my love of cars and motorcycles.
In high school, I experimented with growing my hair out. I loved the way it felt, but I kept hearing that I "looked like a girl". Well, acting again upon that need to suppress my feminine side, I grew out a ridiculous beard to go with it - going from "looking like a girl" to "looking like a viking". I held onto that look for a long time, overcompensating for what I felt inside.
About five or so years ago, I lost a bet with a now-ex-girlfriend, and ended up clean-shaven, wearing a dress, pantyhose, and heels. I was scared, at first - she made me do this in front of my uncle, with whom I'd been living for a few months. I couldn't step out of my bedroom for fear of judgement. However, she pushed me into the den, and his response was...not what I expected. Rather than "What the
!?", his response to the sight he beheld was, "About time you opened up a little."
...had he seen it in me all along, and kept silent because he knew my parents would flip?
Fast-forward to about two years ago. I met my first real-life transwoman, a coworker who'd been evicted from her apartment because her landlord was a real conservative doucherocket and considered her an abomination. We took her in, and she and I began talking about what "trans" was. It was a term I'd never heard before, but...it fit. It seemed, at the time, like me to a tee. I started discussing the idea of crossdressing with my fiancee, and she totally went for it. Bought me clothes, shoes, makeup, the whole shebang. We went out in public with me all dolled up. It was a blast.
Skip to present day, give or take about a month or so. I'd already picked a name (well, been christened by a friend who went a tad overboard when I came out), had already settled on a look, and then was directed to this place by an MtF friend from Facebook. I've done a lot of reading in the time that I've been here. I've lurked here, posted there, debated various aspects of the transgender/gender-fluid/non-binary lifestyle with both my fiancee and myself. And I now know who I am in full.
I'm perfectly fine with my body. I have no real desire to transition - though doing something about my flat chest does sound like it would make me happier. I'm content to live in a male body and identify as female, so long as the people I care about, my friends and family, can treat me like a woman.
My name is Julia, and while I haven't got a freakin' clue if I'm trans, fluid, or just a general form of non-binary, I love being me!
And I wouldn't have got to this point without all of y'all.
