I am currently 100% stealth, only my family and school administrators know. My therapist told me that she's worried about me because I don't have a support group of friends. I want some friends to know, but I feel like they'd get mad or just treat me differently. I can't be fully out and proud right now for safety reasons, but I want to tell a couple of close friends. How do I go about doing this? I'm terrified that they'll hate me or tell everyone but I need someone to be there for me. I feel terrible because I can't even tell the other trans guy at my school because I don't have any classes with him, and I feel like we could help eachother out. Yet, just because he's trans doesn't mean he's trust worthy.

Honestly, I would try breaching the concept gently at first with them. Ask how they feel about it and put some feelers out there to make sure they don't have any super negative opinions on those things.

Then go from there.
Maybe if one of your friends responds reasonably, or even positively, go from there. And be prepared for a lot of questions, because I'm sure there's a good chance they'll have questions. Some of them might even be a bit rude, but try to be patient, answer and let them know if they're being rude. Some people honestly have no idea that some questions are rude to trans individuals, so it's best to take a few deep breaths if you find yourself frustrated, and let them know calmly that those kinds of questions aren't appropriate.

As far as the other transman at your school, maybe look into joining some clubs that he's in? Or maybe approach him and introduce yourself. You don't have to out yourself immediately, but you can always try to pal around with him, and get a feel for how he is before you confide in him.
Maybe he'll be really open about it, and might even start a conversation about trans things with you before he knows you're trans? That's how I met one of my friends, actually. They thought I was just a cis guy, until it came about that the reason why I was able to give them so much information and advice on things when they weren't sure what to do, was because I wasn't. LOL


Either way, best of luck man.
Maybe even look into any LGBT groups in your town, or city? Drop by for a spell, and see if you can meet some people who might turn out to be good friends, and confidants.

I'm in much the same boat, however my 3 best & closest friends know and as far as I know I'm the only transperson in my group.

The main reason why I haven't came out to all my friends is not for fear of being known as a transgender person, but for the fear I will lose people because I haven't told them the truth all these years.

I don't know what advice to help you with, its hard

I don't think you should feel pressured to tell anyone, especially if you're not sure you can trust the people you may tell and it may jeopardize your safety. If you want to remain stealth each person you tell already carries the risk of spreading that information to others even if they don't do so intentionally and in any kind of school setting that information can spread pretty quickly if the wrong person learns about it.

I agree that it's a good idea to look for an LGBT group in your area. It's outside of school so you won't have to worry about any of your peers finding out until it's safe for you to tell them plus it's a great way to meet new people and make friends outside of school too.

QuoteI agree that it's a good idea to look for an LGBT group in your area.

I live in a small town so there's really nothing like that, besides a few gay groups.

I feel for you. When you have a friend that doesn't know that you are transgender and realize that they might walk if you told them regardless of the fact that you are the same person, its easy to get pissed off. Telling someone is always risky. People like to gossip and a passing transgender makes good gossip. There wouldn't be any way for you to control leaks.

The fact that you are a transgender doesn't really effect them, so there is no reason you really need to tell them. For a lot of F to M transgenders, there are things that they have to refrain from doing. If you go hiking or camping, you can't just whip it out an pee at a tree thirty feet off the trail. (There are devices that allow you to pee standing up, but they take practice). If your chest isn't done, then you can't take it off in public.

Still, you can easily avoid such situations with your friends. Even if one of your friends knows and seems ok with it, he might mention it to someone else without thinking or trying to cause trouble. If you find a girl you want to date, you would probably want to tell her after a couple of dates just to avoid her feeling betrayed.

sam1234