Has anyone had a nagging and persistent inspiration that no matter what says "You need to do this."

I know this might seem a simple question here in that most likely yes but I mean does not matter what you come to logically a persistent voice saying do it, I don't mean a real voice either if that makes sense more an inspiration kinda thing. Perhaps this does mean I am truly ready to go forth. Time will tell on that as I am still waiting to try HRT and have accepted yup not cis either. Being older I not sure I have major dysphoria either just that nagging feeling of its time for a change. I keep wracking my brains barring sexuality, the idea of new clothes, even the fears of makeup, passing, voice and yet still keep coming to same nagging force to change.

Perhaps its over thought and time to dive in but for personal family reasons I wont be trying to dress up and try that avenue till much later.

Anyhoo just asking if that fits the bill if you will of what has or did drive you to commit to change more then anything else? Or am I just a little hehe loony. Which I don't think I am that either but at this rate might drive me that way or is that indeed dysphoria the being pulled 2 different directions and unsure which way to go. Before anyone asks yes I do feel I do fit on one side or the other not so fluid aka binary.

It certainly wasn't logic! Logic tells me to forget the whole thing, but my heart tells me that that road leads to death and despair. I sometimes feel like a lemming and lemmings don't even really do that.

New meaning to follow your heart.  Nope, you are not a lemming. Even google images says so.

I have been following a little voice (not a hallucination but perhaps more my intuition) that has been telling me to move forward toward change for the last 3 1/2 years or so since I quit drinking. I knew it was something important but at many stages I wouldn't or couldn't tell myself what it was, just that it had to be done and to be patient and trust myself. Even just before I acepted myself I didn't know why just that I must. Now that voice is still there, cheering me onward. It says "Yay! You're doing it! You can be happy and you do deserve it!" This is all still a bit scary but feels so right. I ignored my feelings and intuition for so long, fought so hard against them, and it almost killed me. I won't let that happen again! Trust yourself and above all listen to yourself, you will know what to do!

Quote from: LordKAT on March 15, 2015, 03:02:32 PM
New meaning to follow your heart.  Nope, you are not a lemming. Even google images says so.

Aren't you sweet!

The period of time before transition was surreal. I was keenly aware that there was a part of my brain that needed me to be a woman, and that it was "not like" the part of my brain that had ideas, made choices, evaluated, and analyzed. I couldn't reason with it, couldn't understand it, could only listen to it. It wouldn't leave me alone. Another friend from this site and I came up with the phrase "Gender Identity Preoccupation" to describe that phase.

I've never had that experience before or since - that there is a part of my brain that is sending messages that are at odds with what I might have chosen or decided.

The title of this thread made me think of Obi Wan Kenobi's Mother.

"Obi Wan Kenobi! Did you fold your laundry using the force? You need to do it by HAND! Obi Wan Kenobi! Don't use the force to carry the dishes, you know how it scares me! Obi Wan Kenobi! Wear your robe properly, you look ridiculous like that!"

But seriously, Those nagging feelings are important. Trust them and follow them, but do it intelligently. We are not lemmings, as you say!

Thank you for the responses.
Lol I didn't think of it like the Schwartz/force:)

Like you said kellam a voice of reason if you will not hallucination type. Typically a logical person some of this actually oddly seems logical yet then some things don't. I do feel like its a argument in my head if you will of should I really do this or not and for some reason I have been always coming down to one thing. Try the hrt and see what happens. I do have a fairly open mind yet I am also a realist and skeptic which in ways I feel if I don't tame this beast if you will it just might turn me actually loony.  I know I am not crazy but a fight like that going on for top long cant end well so time to wrestle my fears and go forth. I think I am actually finally at least starting to accept myself more I guess this just maybe a clue as to that. Basically even though a realist I do believe in signs or whatever you call them. Oddly for some strange reason I keep seeing a moth and seeing as a sign to transform. Yes moth inside a house still seems weird. Just felt I had many things that added to my realizations in that like the old saying if it walks like a duck ...

I guess truthfully the voice is my irrational side and logic doesn't mix with that but now I think its time to follow my heart and put some of that logic on the side. Granted with some patience and wisdom.

One day things will become clear maybe the day I taste hrt maybe the week after or month whatever happens happens most likely for a reason.

Sorry about longwinded response just felt had to explain a bit:)

I've never thought of it as an irrational side, more of a biological imperative that can't be reasoned with merely held in check for a time or given in to. Kinda like having to pee but more significant.

Mind you, I held mine in check for better than 40 years so well I rarely acknowledged it consciously. It wasn't a good solution.