I just got a call from company HR. I've been requested at the main office on Thursday. I couldn't get the woman to reveal much, but she did say "appearance policy". I knew it. I freaking knew it. They're going to climb down my throat about my hair again.

Should I just come out? I don't have any paperwork, I've not managed to get to any doctors, therapists, etc....and I can NOT afford to lose this job. Should I just whack all my hair off before I go back to work Wednesday, or wait it out and talk to HR about my situation...?

If you are ready to come out, do it! Depending where you live you may even have job protections if you talk to HR about this. I came out to my work almost 1 year and have since gotten them to adopt a trans-inclusive healthcare policy. I mean, the choice of your path is ultimately yours, but this can be successful.

Don't do anything drastic until you hear them out.

Quote from: jessical on March 16, 2015, 03:22:52 PM
Don't do anything drastic until you hear them out.

I'll talk to my immediate supervisor on Wednesday. The last time this happened, he gave me a heads-up about what to expect...maybe he'll have something for me this time.

Remember, you have the right to present in the same way women there do. If women are allowed to wear their hair long, you have a right to do so as well. Anything else has been interpreted as sex discrimination by the EEOC. Make sure they know that. You do not need to be trans for these rights to apply to you.

Quote from: suzifrommd on March 16, 2015, 05:15:35 PM
Remember, you have the right to present in the same way women there do. If women are allowed to wear their hair long, you have a right to do so as well. Anything else has been interpreted as sex discrimination by the EEOC. Make sure they know that. You do not need to be trans for these rights to apply to you.

Yes that was my question. Putting any transgender issues aside for now surely you would be entitled to the same standards for hair as women. Anything else would be sex discrimination plain and simple. And although transgender identity may not be protected where you are I have a hard time imagining that sex discrimination is still legal.

Either way don't do anything drastic. Find out what the issue is first. for all you know they might actually be supportive? 

I definitely wouldn't resort to cutting the hair, even if you're not ready to come out. It takes a long time to grow and for me personally, it provides a little comfort to have it longer. I'd wait until you can talk to HR. Having to cut your hair seems strange to me. I work for the military and have never had a problem. I did ask about growing it out at first, but the response I always got was, "Does having long hair change your ability to do your job?"

Quote from: suzifrommd on March 16, 2015, 05:15:35 PM
Remember, you have the right to present in the same way women there do. If women are allowed to wear their hair long, you have a right to do so as well. Anything else has been interpreted as sex discrimination by the EEOC. Make sure they know that. You do not need to be trans for these rights to apply to you.

Honestly I wouldn't bank on that. I believe that the only exemptions would be for religious hairstyles or coverings (eg dreadlocks, yarmulke etc.) I'm no lawyer though.

I think the best course of action is to get a feel from HR what their policy is first then decide whether trans status can be disclosed to invoke legal protections under local law. Remember too that the federal EEOC for trans discrimination is so far untested and theoretically title VII protections for transgender employees only apply to the federal government as an employer AND only in the circuits where cases have been brought (ie SCOTUS hasn't ruled yet).  But as stated if she works on Lexington there may be local laws, similar how I'm protected by the NYC human rights anti discrimination law.

Stryker,

Please keep us informed about what your supervisor says Wednesday.

Company policies are usually not in stone and are usually able to be interpreted.

Please do not take the below wrong. It is nothing more than me trying to help and stating the obvious.

Smile, make eye contact and be respectful.

I recommend listening first. Then thinking before responding, no matter how difficult it is. Breath several breaths and say what you need to say, then stop. Have them respond. Depending on their response think about your future response, then breath a few breaths and say what you need to say.

Perhaps writing down a few responses will help calm your nerves. Perhaps imagining the conversation will help.

I am sending good thoughts your way.

If it is a large company they may be less willing to risk the lawsuit and PR damage by any possible discrimination claims. Especially since groups such as transgender law and lambda legal are itching for cases to split the circuits and bring a case to SCOTUS to settle this once and for all.

Also check this out:
http://transgenderlawcenter.org/wp-content/uploads/2014/01/TitleVII-Report-Final012414.pdf

The best advice I can give you is wait to hear what they say first, but start to plan ahead.  For all you know it may not be something bad as I know I've gone to meetings that had nothing to do with me before.  Just regular corporate stuff.  But if it is, ask yourself if you would!d sacrifice this job for your transition?  And would you sacrifice your transition for your job?  It sukcs to be put in that position, but consider where you are right now and how you feel.  Personally, I would probably come out to hr if they told me to start adopting a stereotypical male appearance as j think that may change their position,  but its really your call based on how you feel and your knowledge of the situation.

I'm sorry you are going through this, though I hope it goes well and or turns out to be nothing bad.

It isn't necessary bad thing they have done this. It could be a could be a good thing as in possibly telling you the female dress code and expectations or something along those lines. Hopefully your immediate supervisor has an idea as to what is up. The fact they are waiting to Thursday and didn't have you come in today is a positive possibly. I hope all goes well for you and please do hear them out. I'm sorry that your having to go through this with the company your working for only wish the best of luck as this plays out. Hugs and Good luck.
Mariah

Quote from: StrykerXIII on March 16, 2015, 03:13:39 PM
I just got a call from company HR. I've been requested at the main office on Thursday. I couldn't get the woman to reveal much, but she did say "appearance policy". I knew it. I freaking knew it. They're going to climb down my throat about my hair again.

Should I just come out? I don't have any paperwork, I've not managed to get to any doctors, therapists, etc....and I can NOT afford to lose this job. Should I just whack all my hair off before I go back to work Wednesday, or wait it out and talk to HR about my situation...?

I hope all goes well, finger crossed!