A few months ago My brain decided that I didn't hate my birth name enough, mostly because until pretty recently I was too attached to it to call it my birth name. Now it's wondering if I hate my birth name too much...It shouldn't feel THAT difficult to get out of my mouth....I shouldn't be worried about whether I'll be able to stay friends with a friend with that name.....my brain really can't be happy
I should have forgotten my trans guy friend's birth name by now. My brain keeps giving me a hard time about it being in the corner of my mind yet it won't let me forget....I feel a bit of an icky feeling when I hear that name (I never hear it used towards him but it's a really common name....),like it's ruined for me-but then I realize the mere fact that I associate it with him is bad.....
My brain is convinced that when I go into the women's bathroom ,since most of my college knows I'm trans I'm making all the women uncomfortable .
Yet it won't let me even go in the gender neutral bathrooms (there are a few on campus. Being scared to use the men's room would be reasonable because I look like a girl)
I just wish my brain would shut up....help....

Hi kittylover,

Perhaps you are focusing a lot of "things" through that name.

hugs,

Cynthia.

I'm no therapist, but I get the feeling there is more bothering you than just the name thing. Sometimes putting the feelings that make us feel uncomfortable into a neat little box, in this case names, is a way of avoiding a bigger problem. if you have a therapist, that is something to bring up. If you don't have one, get one.

Just a hint, the one thing I never, ever tell anyone is the name I had before I transitioned. That saves me from thinking about it and others from asking about it. If I were to meet a trans woman, I wouldn't want to know her birth name either. Some things are better off left behind.

Even if you feel uncomfortable going into the men's room, go in with the attitude that you belong there as much as the cis guys. If they don't like it, tough. Sometimes acting confident turns into being confident. I've seen some cis guys that i really wasn't sure they were guys or girls. Do what you can to keep your appearance as masculine as you can.

sam1234

When anyone asks me what my real name is
I tell them " you mean as opposed the fake name  on my birth cert ?"
I honestky would not use neutral or men's bathrooms in your
Situation either. If you do than you reinforce that we aren't woman .and
Now you  become other alien it them....cant have class distinctions

Oops also reverse bathrooms if your masculine spectrum

Quote from: kittylover on March 18, 2015, 06:16:44 PM
I just wish my brain would shut up....help....

I know it sounds like a trite solution but have you considered looking into meditation or other relaxation techniques (yoga for example)? Sometimes getting the mind to shut up is just a matter of training it to let go of stuff that is mind looped or obsessed with. I agree with those above that the issue probably runs deeper than you realise and some therapy would help just so you could talk about your feelings and get some support and direction but training the mind to calm down is very doable and not as hard as you might think.

well I can think of a few ways to make your brain shut-up but the side effects from that might be worse than the current state of it.

Quote from: Ms Grace on March 20, 2015, 05:33:16 PM
I know it sounds like a trite solution but have you considered looking into meditation or other relaxation techniques (yoga for example)? Sometimes getting the mind to shut up is just a matter of training it to let go of stuff that is mind looped or obsessed with. I agree with those above that the issue probably runs deeper than you realise and some therapy would help just so you could talk about your feelings and get some support and direction but training the mind to calm down is very doable and not as hard as you might think.

+1

Ms Grace scores again. I found "Mindfullness Meditation" pioneered my Jon Kabat-Zin a very good tool to get the brain to STFU! And believe me... my brain is pretty obstinate. As for the alternative of vast quantities of adult beverage.... Good for just a hours and then the brain SCREAMS.

"Your Friend" is someone you like, perhaps admire. Wish to be like him... A mentor perhaps? I had that in someone I loved and admired dearly. Often times I wish I could take away her pain, which she has many demons. Names are powerful. They "define" us (just think back to those 'wonderful' days of your youth  ) and worse, lead to easy nick-names; good and bad.

The name(s) only have power over you, if you allow it.