Go with when and what feels right to you. Is there another therapist at the place you go to that you could see in the interim while yours is on medical leave? Sometimes the way to deal with the anxiousness you have while still accounting for the hesitancy you have is by taking baby steps and doing little things that allow you to step out as Michelle without it being to obvious at first. Things to most people that they either wouldn't notice at first glance or lean towards Andro territory as a way to bridge that gap. It takes a tremendous amount of courage to step out in the world as your true self especially at first as you gain the courage and strength you will need later. It's great that your trying to plan ahead and set goals, but do just that leave it as a goal because you may find you will do it sooner than 18 months or after 2 years in the end depending on what your ready for. Good Luck and Hugs
Mariah

Quote from: michelle82 on March 17, 2015, 05:39:18 AM
@learningtolive - Thanks, i agree that fear can play into this and prevent me from moving forward. I'm sure part of it is fear driven for me now. However i think realistically there is a lot more I can work on.

@mariah2014 - I think i have yet to find a pace that works for me haha. I'm like super anxious to go out and show the world Michelle, but I'm also super hesitant!! When i planned out my transition initially, i said i wanted atleast 18 months to two years before going full-time.

i think i need to get back into therapy, I've been out of it for a few weeks because my therapist is on medical leave. so I'm sort of lost right now 

I went out pretty much as soon as I got a wig, dresses, and makeup. I felt like I had to or I would never do anything about it.

I think the first time was attending  tranwoman support meeting, however...

Then, I would walking around my neighborhood, which was pretty busy commercial area, or go to movies at night, or shopping at larger department stores like Target, and I would go out to eat or go to the grocery store.

Those were my main channels, and I only did them in small little doses.

I felt like I was doing the right thing, and it felt so good to confront my fear, but my nerves would get worn down.

HRT was a huge help.

As time goes on, I am less insecure about it. It's a process.

I think the first rule of thumb is be kind to yourself. Always be kind to yourself. Do what works for you, and you'll start to feel more comfortable as time goes on.

Hmmmm is it hiding?

A good five years on HRT. A for real B cup and still presenting male. Most importantly, mostly happy about my life and being me

Quote from: stellarj1 on March 20, 2015, 12:54:36 PM
I went out pretty much as soon as I got a wig, dresses, and makeup. I felt like I had to or I would never do anything about it.

I think the first time was attending  tranwoman support meeting, however...

Then, I would walking around my neighborhood, which was pretty busy commercial area, or go to movies at night, or shopping at larger department stores like Target, and I would go out to eat or go to the grocery store.

Those were my main channels, and I only did them in small little doses.

I felt like I was doing the right thing, and it felt so good to confront my fear, but my nerves would get worn down.

HRT was a huge help.

As time goes on, I am less insecure about it. It's a process.

I think the first rule of thumb is be kind to yourself. Always be kind to yourself. Do what works for you, and you'll start to feel more comfortable as time goes on.

Stellerj1

yeah i feel like facing my fears is important, i tend to hide when things are scary or uncomfortable. I have a friend (also a trans woman) who has invited me out for drinks a few times with some of her other friends. But i'm like always avoiding social situations right now. Because I want to present as female in public , but i know I'm not ready for that, and I don't want to doing social things presenting as a guy either. so  i end up just being a hermit. Maybe i should just attend my trans support group outings more often, where i can safely present female without feeling like I'm being judged.