Sorry me again....am starting my transition so there's going to be lots of posts from me for awhile.  Today's question.  When you decided on your name and started to get people to use it, did you ever worry you would miss the old one ? Or feel like you were killing a part of yourself off ?  My parents don't know yet so it's just some trusted friends atm.

QuoteOr feel like you were killing a part of yourself off ?

This, very much so. But in a good way. I was stabbing my old self in the face with a spoon until it was very dead. I've never felt more liberated.

Of course you worry if you'll miss the old name, and your old self. A little doubt is always healthy, especially with large life changing things like a transition. But once it happened it felt so good, those little doubts vanished.

Are you planning on coming out to your parents soon?

Thank you.  Nah no plans with the parents yet. They are my biggest worry and I want to be as sure as I can be before bringing it up with them.  Mainly just scared of their reaction and the possible rejection I think.

I've kept my birthname as a nickname, since it's fairly andro to begin with and common as a nick for guys in my cultural background.

So that part I've not said goodbye to, but yeah, there's a teeny tiny bit of grieving... and it's smaller than my clit! 

I don't miss my old name or my old self.... out with the garbage

I'm out to friends and most family but not at work so being called by my male name outside of work feels awesome and I react quicker to it than when called by my birth name, in fact my new name feels so much better I cringe when my female name is said at work ... it makes me want to burst out with my "secret" so I don't have to hear my female name anymore but the timing is not right so for now I will deal. It's feelings like this that give me no worries about missing my old name or the gender I was assigned at birth

The way I have always thought of it is that I had a twin sister who died so that I could be free. I know that sounds a little wacky, but it helped me come to terms with the loss. When I think of myself the way I was, it seems like a whole different person. There are times that I feel sorrow for that person and what they went through.

Even though I usually think of the parents being the ones who have to go through a grieving process when they find out their daughter is their son or their son is their daughter, I think we go through some grieving too. Even after transition, inside we are the same person, but the emotions that went with being in the wrong body are gone and more positive emotions come and stay. After a while, at least for me, those two people seem like completely different people, and now the other one is gone. I don't miss that person when I try to think of "her" as me, but that rarely comes to my mind that way and so I just feel bad for the "dead" person.

sam1234

I've been detached to my birth name for a long time now, and I never miss it. It feels like an ugly scar that I'm still waiting for it to completely heal to be honest. I never liked my name even as a kid, but it beats the other ungodly options my parents almost named me. As far as "killed off" that part of me, I don't know if it's like that or not. Most of the time it just feels like I was living under an assumed identity like a secret agent. But there are minor glimmers where it's a "she had to die so he could live" case or seeing it as not the death of my past, but a rebirth.

But to keep it short, I don't miss anything about my past and never felt the need to "mourn" something that I never really connected to. I think having the friends I do made it easier to just continue like nothing happened instead of having this "funeral" of sorts, but I'll admit that I did burn almost all my old pictures as a way to put the past in the past.

I still use my birthname and female pronouns. I feel like I'll be so glad to "kill" off that part of me.

However, the one thing I do wonder about is when I pass completely and am maybe stealth I feel like telling stories about my childhood/upbringing might get a whole lot more complicated. So in a way I guess I worry about killing of that part of me, but it's more like just hiding it if I'm trying to be stealth. If that makes sense.

Yes. Definitely. I clung to my old name for a long time. I'm still transitioning to my chosen name. My friends, the people at school, and a few family members call me Aiden, but most everyone else still calls me by my birth name. So I'm at that awkward stage where neither name feels like it's mine. They both seem so foreign yet so familiar. I dunno. Does that make sense?

Anyway. My point is that it's gonna be really weird for a while. It's gonna be awkward and confusing getting used to people calling you the right name. And it's gonna get kinda uncomfortable when people who know you as your old name are in the same place as people who know you as your right name. But it's worth it. After the awkwardness and anxiety die down, you'll see just how great it is when someone uses the right name. Even if it's just strangers on the internet.

If you're into reading, you should check out Nina Here Nor There by Nick Krieger. It's a really easy read and I found it pretty helpful.

I'm just like my old self in most respects, but just better.
I don't feel that different, but I'm a better listener (funny you wouldn't think this would go with T but it's true).

--Jay

I'm with Jay.

I've always been the person I am; the only difference is that now I'm able to relax and be that person, without feeling that I'm "supposed" to be someone else, or that others are judging me or putting me down for not conforming. There's nothing I've said goodbye to except lifelong internalized anger and self-hatred.

The only downside to this is a bit ironic: it makes it harder for loved ones to adjust to my being male, because outwardly I'm just not that different. (Although they do say that I'm a lot more fun to be around, these days...)

At first I found that I had a hard time letting go of my old name even though I'd always hated it. Once it started going away, I suddenly wanted to hold onto it tight as if it were a part of me but then I thought, wait, I am still me. I am not my name and my new name is something I truly like. I started thinking of my new name as the thing that would allow me to totally be the person I'd had to partially hide my entire life.

I'm the same person overall, just a bit more relaxed and fuzzy. I haven't gotten rid of my birth name at all, and I doubt I ever will. I use it as my middle name now. I don't have anything against my birth name, and its certainly not the fault of a random configuration of letters that I have some uncommon medical issues. I thought at one point that I would be happy to get rid of it, but now I'm pretty neutral on the thing on bad days and on good, I like it. My name was the first thing ever given to me, so to me I feel like it makes it at least a little special. I may not respond to it now, but I like to keep it around.

I was afraid that it would happen, but it never did.

The only difference between who I am now and who I was before is that I look differently and have a different name.  I'm the same person I was before, nothing changed about me other than things that were going to change anyways, as we all change in small ways over time, due to any number of factors.

After using my new name for over a year (5 months legally), there are still moments of awareness when I feel lost between the two. The old one is too long gone to use, and the new one is still a bit detached. But that's only 10% of the time, the other 90% I'm at home with it.

And I'm glad to do away with my old self. She was getting kind of miserable and lost. The new me is fresh and strong. It's gratifying to know people are talking to that new me, not the old one.

One thing to anticipate when telling your parents: they are the ones who chose the birth name, so they might be a bit bummed that you don't want it anymore. It may also take them longer to remember to use the new name. But if they're anything like mine, they'll know what it means to you and grow into it over time.

Arrrrrgh NAMES. I'm in this weird place where I can't stand to be called anything--every name seems like an "impostor name," if you know what I mean. I feel like I haven't "earned" the right to choose a "male" name, and the sound of my birthname is like nails on a chalkboard.

But on the other hand, I struggle with the idea that I'm being disrespectful to my parents by even considering changing my birthname. It's enough to make you want to tear your hair out!

Honestly, I stopped using my female-assigned birth name 3 years ago but it still feels slightly more me than my new name does. It sucks, but it might take a long time or several name changes for you to find one that fits.