We've all had secrets that we've kept in, some bigger than others and some that can change your whole world if you let someone in.  My big secret was the fact that I knew deep down inside I was a girl trapped inside a boys body.  It took 20 long years to finally accept my true authentic self and I remember how much of a relief it was to tell my therapist, it was a huge step for me.  

However, telling my therapist was the first step to getting ready to tell the most important person in the world to me, my wife.  I had always told her everything and I couldn't hold it in any longer.  Don't get me wrong I was terrified and the thought of her leaving me was running through my mind. We had been together for almost nine years and married for 4, so I could only think that she would see it as me living a lie for all these years. There was a ton of other scenarios running through my mind but I knew it was time to finally let her in.

She knew I had been going to therapy for something pretty deep inside and knew it was something I had been dealing with since I was six years old.  So one day we decided to take lunch together and I told her I was ready to let her in on my big secret.

I think the best part of telling her was that she said before I told her she was almost a hundred percent sure she new what my secret was.  The best part though is what she said to me before I finally told her, "I think I know what your secret is and I'm completely fine with it.  I asked myself if I could imagine my life without you and I couldn't.  I'm in it for the long haul."  After she said that to me with a smile on her face I told her what she already knew, "Hun, I've know since I was six that I was suppose to be a girl."

When I let her into my world, it felt so right.  I told my wife, this special person that walked into my life who I really was.  The fact that she accepted me for who I am and continues to love me as strongly as she did before speaks volumes to her character and how lucky I am to have her in my life.

I know the road ahead and the people involved may not be as accepting of my true self but knowing I have my wife, my best friend at my side gives me hope.  Hope that others will see me as she does and love me for being me.

For everyone out there who is holding onto this same secret be hopeful and know there are people out there who will love you and accept you for who you really are.

Thanks for reading,
Kylie [emoji4]

Kylie, Thank you for sharing that.  I cannot tell you how incredibly similar our stories are.  Just I was married a little longer, but my wife has absolutely been my biggest supporter.  She is the one that will come to my defense when my family is reacting poorly, or she she feels someone at a main stream straight restaurant might be making fun of me. 

However, while she is my rock, and we have committed to begin together forever, there is a pace of transition that I must respect.  I want to go 75mph, she wants to go 30 mph.  And there is sometimes a little friction because when she pushes back I get emotional and defensive.  I don't have pm privileges yet because I am a newbie, but I hope you keep in touch and share your high points and struggles.  I us spect you will hit some potholes along the way as we have, but treasure what you have because your situation is not the typical. 

I will be watching for your posts.  Good luck and God bless. 

I definitely expect some bumps in the road but it's to be expected. We are both on this journey together and there will be Rocky points for the both of us.

My biggest fear with our relationship is having children. We have tried naturally but it's really hard for me because that part of my body I have no connection too. Don't get me wrong our intimacy is still there, in my opinion better than ever before because I'm able to embrace my true self. I plan on starting HRT in June and if we can't have a child naturally by then we are going to freeze my sperm and try later down the road. Worse case scenario that doesn't work we will adopt which we've both had long talks about and agreed on.

I want to be a parent and I know she does too and when it all comes down to it we will make it happen, whatever scenario that may be. All I know is we love each other and are here on this journey together and will let nothing stop us.

I hope to share more stories with you too as I continue this new exciting time in my life.

-Kylie

Kylie,
that was a very personal and wonderful thing for you to share with us. It gives hope for those of us who don't have love, that its possible. It really hit home for me as I lost my wife of 7 years because of who I am. (She knew two weeks into dating and said she accepted it). Anyway, your story was a shot in the arm of hope.

I think its great that you two are staying together, and its not so unheard of these days for a child to have two parents of the same sex. Besides adoption, there is always AI with a donor. That was how we had our son. The gynecologist tries to match the donor by physical characteristics, education and interests and gives you several choices on paper. (The names of the donors are kept secret).

Having someone who loves you that much and that will be by your side will make your transition much easier. I'm glad you were finally able to tell your wife what was going on inside.

sam1234

Thanks Kylie for sharing this, I am at that position again and worried that after 40 yrs of Marriage it will all come unhinged with an earthquake, the emotions that are running through me this time are the strongest ever! I should have or could have told her before Marriage and since many times.

Always been able to control Dysphoria until this time... Only blocker is no income stream and the fear of losing everything.

Your words have certainly helped me... Thanks

L Katy

Thats a really sweet and heart warming and a story similar to mine save that I have children. This support is so important for us and until you are ready to openly come out you may need more support from other close friend and family. I have yet to be rejected and have chosen to come out to the loved ones and I am ever so lucky for their support. Just a person note I have yet to come out to a male friend........but at my stage I no longer need everyone to accept me. I hope your journey is filled with support from those you love also.

This is a sweet story, it's hard to imagine it going better then that. ^_^

Sam1234,
It is definitely nice to have all those other options out there for having children in the future . We still want to be parents someday and however that works out we will be happy and love that child to the moon and back [emoji2]

Katrinaw,

I hope dearly for you that your love one will love you no matter what especially after 40 years but there is always that uncertainty. I understand the feelings of dysphoria too. The more people I come out to the harder it is for me which is weird after being able to suppress these feelings for all these years. I think it's just finally letting myself loose and feeling like my true authentic self and how happy it makes me makes it harder to not be me full time yet. If I knew work would be okay with it I would start living full time tomorrow but I want to speak with HR first and have a back up plan just in case it doesn't work out at my current job.

But stay strong and just know that you have to be happy in your own body and sometimes there will be that heartbreak. Just know there will be people out there who will love you and surround yourself with people like that so you have that support in case things don't work out with your spouse.


Best of luck in everything and if you need anything please message me.

-Kylie [emoji177]

Warlockmaker,

I have luckily had the chance to come out to some of my male friends and family members and they have all been supportive thus far. I know things may change but for now I'm going to roll with it and hope for the best moving forward as I let more people into my world and let them meet the real me [emoji4]

Keep us updated as you progress. I hope yours will be as fun as mi e with all your support. I will also add that like many of us after years on hrt we accept that many will shun us or worse but you end up not caring about them.

Kylie
I spoke to my wife about my transition feelings this month on the 15th and she is supportive. I know there will be ups and downs over the next few years but I feel so much better. I am so happy for you! 

Thanks Kylie  so sweet of you

For me it's the treachery of keeping it locked in for so long, although I am sure she may well have an idea... But?

When the times right (sooner than later) Susan's will know.

L Katy 

Katy,

She very well could know.  Right before I told my wife she said she was almost a hundred percent sure she knew what it was and then I told her. She just smiled and said, "I had a feeling."

I hope if you do decide to let your spouse into your secret she will still love you and embrace who you really are. Just know you're in my thoughts and I wish you the best.

Kylie[emoji177]

Melanie,

So happy that you were able to open up to your wife and that she is supportive. I hope your journey continues on a positive path and I look forward to hearing more about it.

Good luck with it all.

Kylie[emoji177]

Quote from: TheRealMeMsKylie on March 22, 2015, 10:05:14 PM

....................................

I think the best part of telling her was that she said before I told her she was almost a hundred percent sure she new what my secret was.  The best part though is what she said to me before I finally told her, "I think I know what your secret is and I'm completely fine with it.  I asked myself if I could imagine my life without you and I couldn't.  I'm in it for the long haul."  After she said that to me with a smile on her face I told her what she already knew, "Hun, I've know since I was six that I was suppose to be a girl."

When I let her into my world, it felt so right.  I told my wife, this special person that walked into my life who I really was.  The fact that she accepted me for who I am and continues to love me as strongly as she did before speaks volumes to her character and how lucky I am to have her in my life.

................................
Kylie [emoji4]

You are very fortunate.  I am rather certain that my wife would not be that open and accepting. I truely feel that she would be accepting of any changes that were medically necessary or appeared to be natural. That would include breast development, elimination of facial and body hair, and genital nullification if it was medically necessary. If those changes were possible, she might then be open to some feminine like behavior including dressing in more feminine unisex clothing (possibly even more feminine) and using the women's restrooms and changing rooms. However, I have great doubt that she would be accepting of voluntary female genital surgery or other voluntary female body changes, etc.

Kylie,

That is a wonderful story. Your wife is a wonderful person.