An MA girl...

I lived in Quincy ( or the non-NewEnglander pronounced Quin-zee ) and Franklin, and Bellingham for 7 years....  now back to my Home state of Texas.

As for your relationship -- not sure what to say....  what I am think would only bring on Confrontation.  But perhaps that is what is required. 

Good luck

Daisy

Confrontation is a GOOD thing. If you want your relationship to last, both sides need to be talking about everything, all the time. No secrets. None. Not little ones, not embarassing ones, not crazy ones.

That's the only way a life long relationship can happen. The first secret, the first small thing that's hidden is the first crack in the relationship, a place for weeds to grow and break open the foundation.

I agree ladies.  I have been confrentational.  He simply is NOT giving anything back.  Not telling me what i'm saying is wrong or getting upset or even telling me to F*@# off.  NOTHING!  :-) 

Even while he's so secretive he still wants to know where i am and whatnot....like I'm keeping something from him.  It's crazy!!!!!   I think he is scared I'm begining to realy branch out and get my own life and that he wil be left back and not have his secrurity. 

I completely agree about secrets and having to be honest.  I KEEP saying that to him over and over.  That he needs to just talk to me and not hide b/c the hiding is what the problem is.  I could handle him cheating or not wanting me with him a heck of a lot better than him acting as he is.

Oh and we're actually in CT....but my heart is for MA.  :-)  And originally i'm from NC...go figure i'm just all over the place!!!!

Thanks so much!
Jen

If confrontation is not working then perhaps you need to employ other means....

1.  The pout and silent treatment from my wife is #1 best way to break me.
2.  Ignore him... completely.
3.  Do not involve him in out of home activities.  ( make sure he knows you are out though )  Like get tickets to his favorite band but take your friend..

If he does not respond to this level of therapy --- then maybe he is not for you.

Daisy

P.S. 

QuoteWe need help (my gf and I)

--- isn't she your BF now...

If the other person will not take the time to sit and talk with you, while you're being calm and rational, they've already dumped you. You just don't know it yet.

If they won't talk in a calm and relaxed atmosphere, it's probably time to move on.

That's what i'm scared of Cire!  I've done some of the other tech. you mentioned Daisy.  He has kinda responded to that an in the last couple of days started to try and be his old self.  I just can't tell if it's for real! 

Oh and I didn't start the post originally...the original was two women...I kinda just hijacked it.  LOL  :-)

My best friend is telling me I should go with my instincts and talk to a lawyer since we have gotten a civil union. 
I keep wanting to hold on but it's getting to be really hard to do so.  I can't keep being the only one trying.  I forsee this week as my decision week....

God (or whomever) please give me the strength!!  This is so NOT easy. 

I feel for you.  You have a virtual shoulder to cry on if things go south.   

Hugs

Daisy

Hi j_king0

QuoteThis is a great person who will be a wonderful man....IF he ever gets his head outta his ass and acts like a man!

I am not certain I am understanding whom the person in question is here. It doesn't appear that I am in the Significant Others thread. You represent yourself as the partner of a man, a male.

My dear, it does sound that making legal plans for you departure from the scene might be well within order. For one thing, assuming I am understanding correctly what I read, if your man is suffering from GID that could account for a lot of odd behaviour and if he truly is GID, I am sorry to inform you that he will never be a man again. This is many times the sad conclusion of this relationship with another who is dysphoric.

Where at best the survival rate of a relation ship between a woman and a GID person would rate at about 1% survival rate. Just a guess on the number.

Cindy

QuoteI am not certain I am understanding whom the person in question is here. It doesn't appear that I am in the Significant Others thread. You represent yourself as the partner of a man, a male.

She is a genetic girl married recently to her lesbian lover who even more recently transitioned to a male.  I believe that makes her the Significant Other of a Transgender person which is appropriate for this forum.

QuoteHe has kinda responded to that an in the last couple of days started to try and be his old self.  I just can't tell if it's for real!

Hey j_king02 , you are a gem of a life partner and if he can not realize that, I feel for you.  Can you give us some details as to how far he has transitioned?  Is he on Hormones?  I know when you married you thought you were marrying a woman, are you upset with the transition ( not his attitudes , but the change in appearance and other things that go along with these changes)?

Daisy

Hi Daisybelle
I get the picture and thank you for clearing that up for us, well myself anyway. Maybe I was the only one that was confused on this topic.

Cindy

Hi again,

So I'm glad the confusion of my partners past, current, & future gender was kinda cleared up.  :-)  So the background is that we've been together for 3.5 years.  We meet at lesbians of course.  He was such a cutie!  But a mess emotionally.  Drank like a fish & didn't have very much self confidence.  He came out to me as trans during last March (just as the L word ended).  I was taken back but have always been trans friendly.  I just had to sort out if I was okay with it as a Lesbian woman.  Really though it turns out...i'm not freaked by it.  I can face the world as a "typical" married woman.  And I have no issues with it sexually.  We had already made the date to get married when he came out as Trans.  Our relationship got closer after he did.  He seemed more stable emotionally as well.  We postponed the wedding then put it back on. 

Thus far he has not started T.  He was supposed to a week ago but the friggin doctor sent the nurse in to tell us there was a mix up and he wasn't taking new trans patients.  It friggin sucked.  After 3 months of waiting...as bad as I felt and as mad as I was I can only imagine his emoions!   We've also talked about top surgery.  The plan was to try for Feb. of next year...not sure if he's contacted any doctors yet though...I kinda stand back on that b/c I feel it's his transition so he should pick his doctors and make the appointments.  I go of course to the appointments to support him.  At this point I'm excited for the transition to really start.  To see how the T really changes his already sexy voice or what he does look like with a little hair on the face.  I also kept wondering about the sex drive...that could be fun!!!  J  I'm not turned off by his not having breasts.  He never wanted me to touch them really anyways so if after top surgery he was comfy with my touching I'd feel like I'd gained something...not lost!    He has changed his name and I use only male pronouns even around his family whom he's out to.  He of course packs and binds.  I haven't touched breasts or other body parts in so long...i really thought it would bother me especially the down stairs loose...but really I've enjoyed our sex life just as much as ever!  In fact I'd always wanted more of what I get so that's ALL good.  LOL  :-)

The most recent updates in our relationship drama is: 
He's being slightly less secretive.  The phone usage as dropped.  And most important he keeps telling me that he has no clue where his head is...what's going on in his head...that he's confused.  That he's sorry he's hurt me and wishes he could change how he's acted.  Yet he is still needing a lot of space and even said he wanted to go away for a few days by himself.  I'm tired of being left behind so I told him if he just needed time by himself then I'd leave.  I can't stand much more time in our home with our dogs with him off I don't know where.  And, he says he will explain everything to me but he doesn't know when and how.  So, in a way positive...but still not great.   I'm still really really scared.  I love this man.  He's NOT perfect.  Neither am I!  I just need him to talk to me.  He's gotta let me know what's been going on.  I've told him that I respect he needs time/space but that I'm worried I'm just not strong enough to keep at this much longer. 

I'm still so confused about everything and until he starts to explain I'm lost.  I'm still so scared he's going to tell me that he can't be with me.  That our relationship of 3.5 years is over.  My friend who's a therapist says it really is not that unusual for someone to kinda freak out after being married b/c of the serious change it is perceived to have on you...especially when added to the changes he is going through with the transition.  She also said that it could be especially amplified if there is some flirting/attraction to someone and now all of a sudden he's married...that it could just scare him that much more.  If that's what's going on...I hope he gets over it.

My feeling is that the actual marriage is the easy part to end...that the rings can come off...the papers torn up so to speak.  It's the emotions...our relationship of 3.5 years and our home we've built together that is the hard part.  Even if we'd not said "I do" I'd still be feeling this way...I'd still be really sad, hurt, and confused. 

Thanks ladies for the support.  I truly appreciate it!

Okay...I know the topic is old by forum standards but this is my first time here and I read through the entire saga of the woman with the gf that is now transitioning. It has been about 6 weeks since the last post and I NEED an update!!!
Has he gotten more open with what's going on with him?
Are things ok?
I really hope so...3 1/2 yrs is too long to give up on easily...especially in lesbian years...lol.
I hope all works out and I also hope you see my post and give us an update!
Happy New Year!!!

I am in a relationship with a wonderful trans woman. One of the nicest things about it is that we dont have to explain everything to each other. But that doesn't mean it isnt work.
One very important thing couples need to do, to keep it fresh, is keep it fun! It takes imagination, time, energy, and sometimes a little cash, but is it ever worth it.

Hi LeeProctor I was on that thread post #31 the last posting I read on that topic. I think it was kind tragic the way it ended. I feel sad especially for j_king02. Their relationship stood as long as Wing Walker and I, and I don't believe that our relationship is going to end anytime soon. We got married on June 26, 2004 in the province of Ontario. From what I understand they sold their house and both went their own way.

Cindy