I was taught to respect my elders when I was growing up...it wasn't until I learned realized that I mattered that I understood neither age nor lineage confers respect.

One has to earn it; it is not bestowed for merely living for a given number of years or because some man ejaculated into a woman.

As much as everyone has had one wonderful idea, I think this one goes along with how I might handle it. He was already late with it and then still refuses to refer to you by your name which is why I think this response is one that hits the spot. Sorry that your Dad still doesn't get it Grace. Hugs
Mariah

Quote from: Garry on April 01, 2015, 06:26:08 PM
Did you send this email to the wrong person? Who is [male name]? My name is Grace

Idk its good I guess if you are able to not let that stuff get to you. Im just not the type to pretend it didnt bother me or respond particuarly nicely to invalidation, its just basic respect. But I suppose its then on him and nothing with you saying anything. I would certainly end it with your name though, or as others said add 'your daughter' too to drive the point home. He at least hasnt cut off contact with you even if he wont see you as you really are (which is only his loss really)

Grace, I am sorry your Dad is resistant to accepting you, hugs.

I think,

Thank you Dad, Love Grace.

Is simple and respectful.

I'd say I love you dearly, your my father. Your loving daughter

   Congratulations on your birthday, I turned 65 a week after your date.
Answer the email with grace and dignity and be happy you still have family even if some may not be accepting.Time changes many things including peoples minds.Then sign it with ,your beautiful loving daughter Grace and include one of your fantastic pictures. Hopefully it will sow the seeds of change in his mind,all growth starts with just a seed,I wish yours to be fruitful .     Patty

Thanks everyone - you have given me some great advice here and I will let you know how I go... will be replying to him late tonight or tomorrow.

Hi Grace,

Difficult to know what to say. It's amazing how a birthday wish to you (and not in your name) becomes all about his distress.

I think as people have said it is best to respond as the person you are, as Grace. I think it would be easy to let fly at him, and he would deserve it for that email alone. But on the whole I think it's best to be the better person in all of this. He appears to be unable to conduct himself in what most would feel was a reasonable manner, but you can control your response in a way that doesn't let him "get away" with it but also maintains a level of courtesy.

It's easy for me to say as my parents are no longer around. But he should be behaving more reasonably than this.

All the very best, and big hugs!!


Ros

I think every older (25+) member of my group has "issues" with family, especially parents. Some have taken nearly a decade to come around. Sadly, others have basically written them off.

Be thankful for small victories. Try not to dwell in the darkness. The fact your dad reached out at all says a lot. Especially if he is stubborn old coot like mine! We were estranged for many years over far less. I cried like a baby at his funeral. During the intervening years we eventually saw eachother as people, not as roles

OK - here is my reply - thanks everyone for your input and advice...

QuoteDear Dad
Thanks for the birthday wish - I had a great day, dinner with friends and lots of well wishes. I am much happier these days and things are going well.
Hope we can catch up again soon.

Lots of love
Grace

PS Happy Easter!

I attached a pic of my current avatar for good measure.

At the suggestion of a friend I included the text of his original message in my reply (you know, like what usually happens in an email reply)... except I changed [male name] to Grace. We figured that might make him freak out and wonder if he'd used my name by accident!

@Cindy - I decided against signing it off "your daughter" since I never signed anything previously as "your son" so it just felt a bit uncomfortable to me. We'll see how things develop!

Wonderful idea Grace. I'm glad you went with what is comfortable for you because that is always the best way to handle things. Good luck
Mariah

Quote from: Ms Grace on April 03, 2015, 06:56:41 AM
OK - here is my reply - thanks everyone for your input and advice...

I attached a pic of my current avatar for good measure.

At the suggestion of a friend I included the text of his original message in my reply (you know, like what usually happens in an email reply)... except I changed [male name] to Grace. We figured that might make him freak out and wonder if he'd used my name by accident!

@Cindy - I decided against signing it off "your daughter" since I never signed anything previously as "your son" so it just felt a bit uncomfortable to me. We'll see how things develop!

Perfect. Sometimes it's good to sit on something for a few days.

Nicely done, Grace.

I think that is a wonderful reply. The snarky suggestions were great, but I think they're better kept to being a therapeutic exercise.

I might have added a p.s. making an explicit mention that misgendering/misnaming is hurtful, but whether that's a good idea would depend a lot on the history and the specifics of the relationship.