Hey all,

Any thoughts on starting T before you've come out to your parents?

I kinda just want to say screw it and dew it, ya know? I had this idea that I HAD to come out to them before I began T. But I'm wasting too much time worrying about whether they'll accept me or not. And when you're 38, time isn't something you have in great excess anymore.

Go for it. It's your life, and it's the only one you get.

There might even be something to be said for letting your parents see how much happier you are in yourself once you start to transition, and then telling them why.

Yes. OMG, yes! As an independent adult, you get that choice.  I've been on low dose T for 8 months.  I am the most clear-headed and most confident about myself that I have been since--since before puberty.  Yeah, that long ago.  A friend and I were discussing yesterday that estrogen seems to be poison to my brain while T is just what those alpha reductase receptors are craving.  And that I am the happiest I've ever been, despite being in the middle of the biggest life-turmoil I've ever had to wade through.

BTW, being on low dose, the changes have been slow and subtle.   Only a few close friends know why I am changing the way I dress and that I've lost weight and I'm really looking fit since I've been working out.  (Everyone is figuring the weight loss and working out are responsible for all the changes and no one has commented to my face about my change in wardrobe--although that hasn't been THAT drastic as I've been through some 'androgynous phases' all my life.)

Suggest considering low dose to see how you feel.  That way, you can get your head wrapped around the idea of becoming you before you have to try to explain to anyone else. 

BTW, on being 38--I'm a couple of years over 50.  Yes, I wish I could have figured this out sooner, but I didn't.  So starting from here is better than not starting at all.

I'm much younger so take my advice as you will, but I'd say it could be a great idea. You're already an independent adult so you really don't have to worry as much about how their reaction will affect your life, and I know personally, my family really didn't think I was serious until I started T without their help. They refused to use my name until my mom realised around 3 months on T that I was much happier and more confident. T showed them that this was not a phase and that I was really serious.

If you were under 21 and living at home, I'd say you might want to give them the head's up before they think something weird is happening to you, but since you are 38, you have your own life, and there is no need to tell your parent's before you start. In fact, once you start, it may actually give you the courage to go forward and tell them. You won't have the feeling that their reaction might hold you back.

sam1234

At 32, I have outed myself to both my parents. Dad has been cool, we don't really bring up the subject, but he's trying to be supportive in his own quiet way. My mom, on the other hand, is overtly supportive, but has tried to keep the daughter with suggestions such as "maybe you just need more female hormones to feel like a girl?" Then again, Mater tends to still thnk of me as a child, since she said I was misbehaving when I got a tattoo earlier this year.

I didn't need to out myself prior to T (I'm still pre-T), but I chose to because it was my path, your path may be to get T first because of distance or whatever other reason, Best of luck.

Lorenz

I don't see a problem with it. In my experience, the changes I did see early on could be easily explained by other things (appetite increase, voice deepening, etc.).  You might also find that the mental affects of T will make you feel better/give you an easier time of coming out. It might make you feel more comfortable, confident, at ease, happy.

I think it's easier to tell people you've made a big life change if they can see that it's had a positive effect on you.

Thanks so much guys for all your input.

It's been on my mind almost constantly for the last week. It's to the point that I'm not even really speaking much at all because of my voice. I've got to do something soon, even if it's just a low dose, or I'm gonna become a hermit.

That's a good point about how it might improve my emotional status enough to make coming out a bit easier. I hadn't thought of that.

But I worry about losing my folks. I'm an only child, and they are also only children. I'm all they've got and they've pinned a lot of hopes on me. Ah well. We'll see what happens. The need to become my most authentic self is quickly outweighing all my desire to take other folks' dissenting opinions into account.

Thanks again!