I had started my transition slowly more than 6 months ago, since then, I have had 5 full body laser treatments, which is going really well, I have started growing my hair out, and have been going to a Psychologist for a few months. The one thing that has been holding me back was that I was in college and living with my parents who I have not come out to yet. I graduated college in December, passed my medical boards 2 months later, and I just got my dream job in the Emergency Department of a nearby hospital. It has been a grueling and stressful journey through college and boards all the while hiding my secret from the world, but now that I have a job I will be moving out on my own again where I can start dressing more and living my life.

Because my parents are retired they rarely leave the house which has made dressing difficult, I did however buy a bunch of short women's running shorts and T-back tops to run in which really made my lasered/shaved legs look nice. When my parents would go on vacation I would get dressed in a tight top with my forms on and my butt hugging True Religion Jeans and sexy black 4" heals and walk around the neighborhood late at night. I have not gone out to a public place yet, as I has always been impossible with parents around. The other challenge is my voice, I need to work on my voice everyday for a couple months before I think I would feel comfortable going truly out in public.

So I have two questions how is the first time going out in public, was it better than you expected, worse, or you were so confident no one gave you a sideways look? My second question deals with hormones, I have a high pressure job working in the ER and I need to be able to recall information readily, do hormones make you over emotional all the time and has anyone expirenced memory loss or difficulty remembering things because of the hormones. I plan on starting on the transdermal estrogen because it is safer with less risk of thromboembolism and spironolactone as an antiandrogen.
Please share your experiences.

Kristen:)

I experienced a bit of a paradox.  When I was testosterone powered, I felt extreme gender dysphoria.  When on estrogen, the dysphoria decreased so much that I wondered if transition was worth all the work and expense.

I'm pretty certain that if I de-transitioned and added testosterone, the dysphoria would return.

Randi

Hi,

I have a very high stress job. Hormones had greatly reduced the stress. I run a department at a large Hospital and Research campus.

Hormones helped me to make better decisions with a clearer mind.

My memory has not changed.

Emotions are something that may take a bit to control. Usually after an event, in a down time, emotions can hit. When they hit let them come and release them then resume.

Expressing,
Go to a group and express at group. it is safe. Leave with the group and you are safe. When you gain confidence explore in the area around where the group session is. I assume where group is located is queer friendly.  When ready buy something at a store. Look at the person in their eyes, smile and say hi. From there add a little here and there. Be just outside of your comfort zone.

Congratulations on graduation, passing the boards and landing the job.


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Congratulations on your new job.  Working in ER sounds to be a high pressure job, but I successfully worked in adult mental health triage while on HRT so really so long as you're looking after yourself properly you should be fine.  It takes around 3 months to settle into a new workplace so don't think that you have to be flawlessly amazing right from the get-go.  Be kind to yourself, watch and observe, ask questions and learn the routines and everything will work out ok.

Youre living a dream life. Congratulations.

Thank you all for your support and advice. This whole transition is a little overwhelming, but I have done as much planning along with assistance from my therapist to avoid as many pitfalls as possible. However, I will be transitioning on the job and have come to the realization that I will be working in the same hospital as over a dozen of my college classmates who have gotten to know me over many years and they will notice the changes as such I will be in a sense 'forced' to give some explanation(after I inform my manager and HR of my situation) so as to halt the rumor mill before it gets going. On the job transitioning is the biggest unknown fear for me. Will my employer try to fire me for some trumped up accusations even though I live and work in a county with nondiscrimination statues? Working in the ER is very much a team environment, will my coworkers make the work environment intolerable enough that I start to hate the work I love? I am new to this ER job and had to sign a 2 year contract with the hospital, if I break the contract I will be forced to pay liquid damages to the tune of $10,000 so I want to make my on the job transition as smooth as possible.

I would like to hear how you transitioned on the job, especially those in the medical fields and how you coped with management, HR, your coworkers, discrimination, and your own personal battles with hormones and stress. Please also share anything that smoothed the way for positive work environment. Were your coworkers accepting or did they make the job difficult because of their own fear of what a transgender person is?

Hi Kristin

Lets see - emotions - yep, got em, but they are not going to go off without some kind of stimulus like seeing a sad movie. I imagine that you might have some trouble dealing with some of the tragedies that happen where you work, especially with kids.

Memory - I used to think very linearly - i would drill down and down and down on a problem and focus on it to the exclusion of everything around me. Now I can't do that - it's like my mind is constantly working on several things at once, just like other women's minds do. I can still drill down into problems but it takes more effort and concentration to get into "the zone" these days (I work as a computer programmer).

My job - i live in southern California and I transitioned on the job. Our CEO is female and I think that really helped with this - she was very supportive of me and made it clear to everyone else to behave professionally - or else. I suggested that they bring in an outside therapist to give a presentation to the company on what transgender means and she did just that and it really, really helped - I have had no issues and no inappropriate behavior by anyone at the company so far, and no issues with using the women's restroom either. The misgenderings have become very few and far between so people are getting it.

Good luck with your journey!

Kristen, when I started work for the adult mental health service they already knew my status as a transwoman so they knew what they were getting right from the beginning.  On the job I had a high level of acceptance and I suppose for the first week or two I had individual staff members ask me reasonably sensible questions about myself and after that I was treated the same as any other member of professional staff.

At first I was working to assist clients to find work in the community, but internal management politics and funding issues brought that to an end and I along with a number of other professional staff working in the same area found ourselves transferred back to being part of the main clinical team.  Of course some of my colleagues who had particular skills in rehabilitation didn't want to be put into generic support worker type roles so they left which to my way of thinking was a major loss to the service.
I virtually created a role for myself in Triage while everything was still in flux and made myself indispensable.  And I think this was certainly one of the things that helped to make me be accepted as being a part of the team the same as everyone else.

On two occasions if I remember correctly I had clients refuse to have me work with them, but apart from that I had no problems.  Clients would ask at reception for the, 'tall Dutch lady' which amused everybody because I'm not Dutch, but apparently my speaking voice has a European accented quality about it that makes folk think I am.

Stress? - oh yes.  Stress is a big part of any medical job, though I found that more stress was often caused by stupid management decisions and expectations rather than doing the actual work.  Leaving the job behind when you go home is important or else you'll burn yourself out very quickly.  I would use creative writing as a safety valve as a way to get rid of tension if I'd had a bad day.  Prayer helped too.  I also did things like completely rebuild a car from one end to the other in the evenings over the course of a year, as well as join a women's motorcycle touring group and ride all over the country with them in the weekends.
I was doing on-going study as well while I was working so time management was important in order to get assignment work submitted on time and also find time to get enough sleep and look after myself properly.

Health issues did get me in the end though because I have CFS/ME and I suffered a relapse after having been mostly ok for my time working in mental health.  Politics and funding issues also got me because my paper qualifications changed overnight into no longer being a 'fit' for staff funding criteria from the government.  Despite my considerable experience and senior staff status I was looking at redundancy and with having to go back to school again to upgrade myself being the only option HR would accept I flagged it all away and took retirement.

If the job had been purely about working with folk who needed help I think I would have been fine, but it was all the other stupid pressures to do with funding and lack of staff numbers actually doing the work rather than pushing paper around their desks that finished me off.

Sorry if it all sounds a bit grim, but amazingly I did actually love my job despite all the difficulties.

Eva Marie: Changes in my memory or way of critically thinking are a concern, I was top student in college with a GPA that could go no higher and because I learned more than than I needed to in school I now have great assessment skills when it comes to diagnosing a patients ailment from there signs and symptoms. I would hate for HRT to change my thinking so much that it makes it harder to do my job effectively; this is a critical attribute needed in an emergency situation.

Than is wonderful that you had a woman CEO who was supportive of your change and that mgt. and your coworkers treated you well:)

Lady Smith: I have not problem with my coworkers asking questions as long as they are respectful. Again great to hear another story of being treated as a professional.

My aim is similar you your I want to make myself indispensable to both mgt. and my coworkers. In starting this new job I am on a orientation/preceptorship/probationary period for 3 months, within this time I can be let go for any reason without notice so I do not want to 'rock the boat' too much in this period(this is also why I posted the question about wearing woman's scrubs the 1st day of my new job). I want to wow my manager and to have my coworker RN's respect me enough to ask me question about their own patients(while sticking within the HIPPA regulations of course); I want to be that ER RN that they could not even consider letting go when I come out to my manager and HR.

As far a clients not accepting me that is not a huge concern for me right now as the people coming through the door of and ER are generally pretty sick and fast treatment is likely their number one concern, not that they do not want a trans woman taking care of them when their having a heart attack or stroke! Also I live in an area of the country that is heavily religious and I know there may be those that think what I am doing is wrong... and I just have to accept that everyone is open to their own opinion.

In regards to stress, I have been under extreme stress all through college to achieve the marks I did and that stress will continue in my job. The way I deal with stress now is to journal/keep a diary to express how I feel and also to plan a course if I have a dilemma, I also run usually 6 days a week for 5-6miles, this is a time for me to not think that much to just let it all go; when I get back I feel like a million bucks. I also plan to complete my hour for my pilots license that I started years ago. I also would like to continue woodworking/turning which I have done since high school. Learning to play the guitar to have another creative outlet is also on the agenda.

Thank you both for your input and support, I am exceptional grateful