Only 3 people in my family (Mother, Step-father, and sister) know I am trans, but it has been quite a while and when my birthday happened
I got all the female kind of cards and usually I don't really care but as each day passes it hurts more to not let people (like biological father) know.

My family avoids my trans topic like the plague and see me as not having enough coping skills or selfish when I feel like I really want to tell them,
the thing is Summer is coming up and usually my sister and I would go down to our relatives
but I know how I would be... I hate talking to my relatives because of this. It hurts when my mother says she is full on supportive with my sister
but it seems like they don't care, but when I bring it up they say I'm forcing it on them and I'm only thinking about myself.

I feel like I'm stuck in a corner and I don't know what to do any more, I want to tell my relatives and I want to be recognized as the boy I am,
but it just feels like I end up getting hurt from my own team. Just being told I'm selfish and I'm forcing them to face it or my family will randomly
get aggressive during conversation but still while saying that 'They get it' while still acting as if me telling them is just something that will
figure out itself...

Help?

I hope that should you ever fall ill or be injured (not that I hope you ever are!) that they don't tell you you are selfish or forcing it on them. Just because this is uncomfortable for them doesn't give them the right to ignore you. Sounds like they are being the selfish ones.

when people get that way they're more worried how you being transgender looks on them than it actually being about you. they're afraid of judgement and how people will treat them. in my opinion and experience at least.

That is a very valid point, factors in to the way a lot of people treat their family and partners.

I completely understand your situation man. I have the exact same thing going on in my house. I try to bring it up as much as possible, when I get the courage, and I end up being somewhat "discouraged" from my supportive family.  It's really just my mom, and I love her, but I wish she could try to set her fears aside for me this one time.

I think invisiblemonsters is hitting the nail on the head with it. They are probably just afraid of what others will think of them. Maybe try telling them how important this really is to you, make it really clear. Let them know that this is who you are, you know. They're the ones truly being selfish, holding you back from being you.
I wish you great luck, I wish I could be of more help.
  -Grayson

Quote from: invisiblemonsters on April 03, 2015, 11:03:32 PM
when people get that way they're more worried how you being transgender looks on them than it actually being about you. they're afraid of judgement and how people will treat them. in my opinion and experience at least.

I think so too. My mum was much more against my transition before I came out to the rest of my relatives. I think she was scared about what they would say. When everything turned out fine, she really calmed down a lot. Good luck!

 *hugs*

you could have a look here for a few thoughts:
https://www.susans.org/forums/index.php/topic,184920.msg1644403.html#msg1644403

Well its up to you what you say since you know them best...
some people drop some hints... others come out in a letter, and show some materials like vids later...

I'd say take the time you need...
its a process, but many have gone it before and succeeded, and people here will try to support you.

You might think about support groups... and a counselor...


hugs

You are not being selfish. Its selfish of them to make you be something you're not to suit them. They're making it about them when it IS about you. People who worry about how others see them because of it are selfish, they are putting themselves first and how they feel or look. Its not about them.  They do not 'get it' if 1, they think you're being selfish, and 2, if they think it will magically resolve itself. They should care more about you than how it looks on them, that is whats selfish not you. You are only trying to get them to see who you really are, how is being yourself selfish in any way? It isnt. Its wrong to feel forced into something that isnt you because of someone else. That is not supportive either. They cant claim to support you then run away from it any time you try to talk to them about it and have the nerve to call you selfish for it. They need to face it whether they want to or not. Its who you are and you shouldnt have to suppress that for anyone. If they care at all about you then they should put your happiness first and if this is what you need to do in order for that to happen then they should actually be supportive instead of just saying they are. Saying something means nothing unless you actually show it

So, it's selfish for you to affirm your identity and take ownership of your life?  It's selfish of you to want your identity and reality validated?

Or is is selfish for those around you to submit to their demands that you fit in their moulds, their ideas of who you are and should be?

You're not the selfish one.  You're just trying to be yourself.  They're the selfish ones for pushing their rubbish on you.

How old are you, by the way?  I'm guessing probably sixteen, seventeen?  If you were at least eighteen I'd have more suggestions.  I don't know how tetchy your family can get when confronted about their behaviours, so I don't know how hard you can push back without some sort of problems.

*Sigh*

My mother has BPD, and she tells me im being selfish all the time. But that is a bit different, she can not see past anything that doesnt revolve around her. Ive learned not to bring it up to her until she gets her own cr@p together, and figures out how to accept me on her own.

So unfortunately, i have no good advice for you, except that your needs need to come first, take care of yourself before you try to please others.