Hey, it's been a while. I want to report that i'm on my 9th month on Hormones. I should be happy but i'm feeling a little bummed out. Today i had family over that opposes to me being female. That does not sit well with me and this upsets me a little bit. I was pretty quiet for most of the day. I didn't speak very much today. I feel like crying, I was talking to a friend and i feel sad because i feel like i'm cursed. I am fat and i am cursed because i am pure. I feel like i'm a joke. And quite honestly doing stand up, writing, school and transitioning are the only things that are making me happy. I don't know why but i feel like i'm cursed because i am undateble. Who wants to date a fat transgender person, i don't think i have a big audience. The only other thing i want to say is when i went to my endo doctor (hormone guy) i took a blood test and he might double my estrogen. Which i hope he does but i am a little scared about what its going to do for me on an emotional level. It took me 9 months to get used to 1 mg. I wonder what 2 mg will do to me. My doctor only told me that he was only going to double my dosage if my testosterone levels are over 200

I really hope he does double my dosage. Anyway, sorry for the depressing rant. I'm really depressed right now because i am dressed as a male because i have to do it for my parents because i had family that doesn't like seeing me as female. I really want to cry right now.

Don't sell yourself short. You would be surprised because I have no doubt there are people who would, but you first need to feel better about yourself. As far as the concerns over the possible dosage change I would let him know about your concerns. I had concerns over my dose being changed to a lower one when he felt my levels were to high and I made sure to bring them up with the Endo. So your not alone in regards to any of this and many of us have dealt with these same concerns and issues. As far emotionally each of us is affect differently and it also varys based on the delivery method. Have you talk to a therapist about your concerns they can help you work through them. It's wonderful that you have some things that make you happy and I sorry that you feel bummed out at thi point. Sorry that some of your family isn't supportive I tend to avoid family that isn't supportive when I can. Good luck and big hugs
Mariah

Quote from: Monika the diva on April 05, 2015, 09:09:25 PM
Hey, it's been a while. I want to report that i'm on my 9th month on Hormones. I should be happy but i'm feeling a little bummed out. Today i had family over that opposes to me being female. That does not sit well with me and this upsets me a little bit. I was pretty quiet for most of the day. I didn't speak very much today. I feel like crying, I was talking to a friend and i feel sad because i feel like i'm cursed. I am fat and i am cursed because i am pure. I feel like i'm a joke. And quite honestly doing stand up, writing, school and transitioning are the only things that are making me happy. I don't know why but i feel like i'm cursed because i am undateble. Who wants to date a fat transgender person, i don't think i have a big audience. The only other thing i want to say is when i went to my endo doctor (hormone guy) i took a blood test and he might double my estrogen. Which i hope he does but i am a little scared about what its going to do for me on an emotional level. It took me 9 months to get used to 1 mg. I wonder what 2 mg will do to me. My doctor only told me that he was only going to double my dosage if my testosterone levels are over 200

I really hope he does double my dosage. Anyway, sorry for the depressing rant. I'm really depressed right now because i am dressed as a male because i have to do it for my parents because i had family that doesn't like seeing me as female. I really want to cry right now.

*hugs*

Don't try to anticipate what people do or don't want..."there's a lid for every pot", the old-timers say.