I just feel like I'll never be able to actually make this work out about actually becoming a girl and that my mom will never understand truly how I feel and that I won't ever have the time and money to get what I need to be the way I want to be, and that's just been bringing me down a lot lately, it's been keeping me from enjoying whatever it is I want to enjoy, let alone Spring Break. It's just that nagging feeling that I'll never have the funds needed to put me through such a daunting task that my body may or may not be able to even handle in the first place. Not to mention, what if I get a job, change, and then get denied my position in said job because of what I've done to my body? It's just the feeling that what I have will never amount to who I am, and I hear people all around me telling me that I just have to work with what I have and compromise and it's just really hard to do that when I don't have what I need to compromise, and I haven't been enjoying everything that I should be enjoying, and it's just been bothering me to the point where I just feel like sleeping and never waking up. People all around me are telling me that these feelings will go away in a year, and have been telling me this for two years. I just can't stand this dissonance, this clash between worlds of mine that have been keeping me from doing what I want to do. It's hard, it really is, and has been getting too hard for someone like me to handle. I stay awake every night, depriving myself of sleep, wondering if tomorrow will be okay, and that I'll laugh again someday. It hurts me that I can't even dress the way I want to because if even if it's as little as a bow in my hair, my own mother throws hate at me for being too "girly" and it's getting real hard to keep myself up under this amount of pressure bearing down on me.

Hugs, PP. It's really, really hard when a parent refuses to accept who you are. Please give yourself credit for bearing up under very difficult conditions.

I've got a few suggestions. I don't know what would be right for you, so just ignore any you think won't work.

1. I don't know whether your mother can be educated about transgender, but it's worth a try. Make sure she knows:
* We don't choose to be transgender. It happens before we were born.
* Transgender is serious. People who ignore it often suffer anxiety and depression.
* It typically doesn't go away on its own and no one has ever found a way that makes it disappear.
* Transitioning is a recognized treatment with a very high success rate.
It might be worth repeating these a few times so she thinks about it.

2. Is there a PFLAG or other LGBT support organization in your area? Might be worth contacting them. If you're in school and there's a teacher or a counselor you can can trust, that might help also.

3. Communicate with other trans young people. It is possible to transition without a lot of money, but it helps if you know people who have done it before. At the very least, keep posting here. I got a lot of good ideas from reading the forums here.

4. Transgender people can hold the same variety of jobs that everyone else can. I know transgender doctors and scientists, store clerks and truck drivers. Yes, you'll encounter bigots, but there are a lot of companies that have strict anti-discrimination policies. Opportunities are out there. Being trans will NOT keep you from living a comfortable life.

Try to stay away from the word "never". Yes, being trans is difficult, but you will find ways of doing what you need to do.

I really hope this helps.

*hugs*

Please realize that life has a way to find what you need if that is your intention.

There are many ways to transition. Just take the time you need, and take it step by step. Its a step by step process.

You should see a counselor... preferably a gender therapist, someone who knows the process and can guide you along the way... and they might help explain to parents...
no matter if you ask at plannedparenthood for example, at a lgbt center, or talk to your school counselor for a referral,
or say at home you want some counseling for emotional issues, and pick someone who has, amongst others, gender on their list...
if its connected with depression or emotional issues it might be covered...
they all should keep it confidential if you say so, and are there to help... if you feel someone is not helpful, just look for another...
and there might be support groups at a lgbt center, or some trans people at a school gsa...

Well its up to you what you say at home, since you know them best...
talking in a relaxed manner might help... remaining calm and stating facts and a few needs...

you might have a look here for some resources and thoughts that might help:
https://www.susans.org/forums/index.php/topic,184920.msg1644403.html#msg1644403

It might be a lot to look at it now, but in reality it isn't... I'd say just concentrate on the next steps... a journey begins with the first step...
its a process, and it might take some time, just do the next step...

you might play around a bit with hair and clothing styles... it can be fun... second hand shops could be a source... womens trousers, sweaters one or two sizes bigger...
I'd say do a few things that keep you motivated... enjoy the upcoming spring... do a few walks, and eat healthy, to keep your mood up...


and well if feel you need help, please reach out... call a helpline given in the link for example...


*hugs*