Well hi everyone, I'm new here, my name is Matt, but I see you already have a Matt here so call me what you will, a rose by any other name would smell as sweet and all that jazz.

I first asked my parents when I was about three years old about gender, it was along the lines of "why am I a boy?" and again when I was about 6 I asked if there was a way I could just be a girl. My parents just told me that's the way god made you, nobody gets to decide. I put the idea away because there was very little difference from what I could tell at that point, and it didn't really mean a whole bunch. I accepted society's "default" setting to label me according to what my body said. I've accepted it for my whole life because it's what everyone expected me to do I suppose.

Throughout my life I have always asked myself questions like "why is this so different for girls compared to me?" and "why can't I wear that?" always feeling that I was different from everyone else somehow but I never could put my finger on what it was.

I have always thought "everybody has those thoughts, it's not just me." but now I'm not so sure.

I'm second guessing everything about this, because I'm bipolar and have had delusions that were a lot stronger than this before and I believed them. But doubt makes me believe a little more, because if I didn't doubt there would be little questioning.

I feel very confused. I know here isn't necessarily the place to seek informed advice, but just someone listening helps.

Hi 

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Hugs

Hi Matt 

Welcome to Susan's   

Hugs

V M

Hi What You Will, (hey, you said it, not me! ) welcome to Susan's Place! I'm the resident Bostonian and aspiring smartypants. I'll be here all week, try the veal! See you around the site!

Hugs, Devlyn

Matt
Welcome to Susan's family.

So many topics to explore and posts to read or write.

Many article of news, wiki, links and chat

Safe passage on your path.

Je Suis un etres-humains, Hugs

I have my first appointment booked with a gender therapist this Saturday... a bit nervous and curious as to what might be discussed....

Just try and relax. Tell the truth and look forward to talking to someone who does understand and wants to help you.

Hugs

Quote from: funkinthenight on March 31, 2015, 01:50:42 AM
I have my first appointment booked with a gender therapist this Saturday... a bit nervous and curious as to what might be discussed....

Hello  *hugs*

You could have a look here for a few thoughts that might help, and show you are not the only one:
https://www.susans.org/forums/index.php/topic,185096.msg1646042.html#msg1646042


I'd say take the time you need... to get aquainted to a few thoughts, but keep at it...
its a process, but many have gone it before and succeeded, and people here will try to support you.

And you might keep asking questions, alone writing might help getting a better view...

Its great you are seeing someone, and I'd say don't be nervous... just talk to them, be open and ask questions if you want to know something 

and things have changed a lot the last years... there is much more information available, and there is more acceptance and helpful resources

and if you want to talk to someone you can call one of those for example, people are there to help and give advice (there are many others):
glnh dot org/talkline/ (this is the national lgbt youth helpline)
youthline dot ca
translifeline dot org


hugs

I was told this little story in a different context.

A young man gets on a train really depressed and sits next to some old guy. What's up young man he asks? I was born female but I'm a guy and he pours all of his grief out. I don't know what to do or what to say to my therapist. 'Well maybe tell him what you told me.,

The young guy goes to his appointment all scared and nervous, the therapists door opens and this old guy walks out. Same guy who was on the train. So young man, what do you want to talk about?

Corny but you know, a bit like life.

Hugs

Thanks everyone, I'm feeling pretty at home...

right now I'm worried about being told that I'm full of it by a professional. I already feel like I have a semi-opaque existence...

I'd say relax and concentrate on the positive...
you more likely will find someone who is at least a bit understanding... just take your time, and imagine a good outcome and positive things happening


hugs

I just wish I had someone to talk to right now... I feel so certain, and yet so confused at the same time. I'd really find just talking to somebody helpful, hopefully before Saturday... to try and get my thoughts in order a little bit...

Well, there is a chat...
and if you want to talk to someone in person you could call here (there are more...):
glnh dot org/talkline/ (this is the national lgbt youth helpline)
translifeline dot org

Well I'd say just go in there... relax... just say whats on your mind... and you have probably already looked at some materials so you have a broad idea...

hugs

Well now that's been settled. The therapist reiterated what everyone here had been telling me. Now the question is, what do I do with this newly found sense of relief/resolution? I want to explore with it... I don't know how, what, if, or when to tell my family...

*hugs* well done

you could have a look here for a few thoughts:
https://www.susans.org/forums/index.php/topic,184920.msg1644403.html#msg1644403
Its for a ftm person, so a few things are the other way around... like clothing for women...

Well its up to you what you say since you know them best...
talking in a relaxed manner might help... remaining calm and stating facts and a few needs...
I like the biological explanation... it means its not a whim, and its nobodys fault... not the trans persons nor the parents upbringing etc...
And the twin explanation... you will be basically the same person, with the same sense of humour, like a female twin...

some people come out in a letter... some use a short letter and talk to them later... and show some materials like some vids later...
but, well, a talk has the advantage of being more flexible...

some people drop some hints ...

I'd say take the time you need... and talk this through with your therapist...

You might play around a bit with hair and clothing styles... unisex or womens trousers, womens sweaters... etc...
you might grow your hair out... get some nourishing products for your face skin... some people prefer jojoba or coconut oil based ones for example (unless allergic)... think about sone light makeup, like a lipstick in unobtrusive colours... all possibly plant based and organic, not mineral oil based... there are video tutorials on makeup...

I'd say just take your time and do things you like, and see how it makes you feel


hugs

This is exciting and scary for me.. it's like a big secret I don't want to talk about yet....

And by not talk I mean with anyone I know here on my end really, I've kinda let two people in on it at this point...

Just take your time... it might take some time to sink in...

you could do a few things you feel bring you a feeling of joy... like dressing in one or two pieces of female clothing...
using a female name on the internet... etc...


hugs

I don't know... I want to have my own space, I just want that extra barrier of privacy... maybe then I can start to really figure this out...

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