Okay, so i am going to try to keep this as short as I can. I know people don't want to read a paper about my problems, However I have some question that I would like to know if anyone else here goes through.

So I am a 23 year old MtF trans girl. I feel I identify as a girl, however, when I'm out at work or at home even I don't know if I relate to the other girls around me. I'm a gamer at heart, kind of overweight and don't really look the part. I currently live with my mother who is not the worst in the world about the situation, but makes it very clear that she does not agree with me on the issue. Like I said I do have a job and while I'm here with her I am financially stable. I live in Alabama and don't have many support groups that I can talk to. It discourages me to see other girls acting preppy and super girly, and me who just wants to be recognized by the gender, I feel I am, having to "fake it" to fit in. My whole life I just want to be me. I would like other people to see me for what I see in myself.

Are there any people who are either going through this or have gone through the same things, that can give me some advice as to what to do?

Hi Natalie,

I think this is fairly common, though the exact ways in which one doesn't fit in may be different.

For a long time, I also felt that because I follow sports (though I don't play any) or am too tall or have a deep voice etc, I have to be a guy, even though there were other things about me that were somewhat feminine. What I have realized from many examples here is that most of these outer things don't matter. What matters is what you identify as and how strongly and consistently you feel that way. You can change the outside if you want, or accept it as a part of you.
e.g. if you are a gamer, so what? Many other girls (cis and trans) are. If you are overweight and not happy about it, or it's affecting your health, then you can try exercising and eating healthy to lose weight. Many others here are doing the same, me included. Or if you are happy the way you are and health is not an issue, then why can't you be a chubby girl?

About acceptance from your mother or others around you, you can try convincing them but also see if you can move to some other more accepting place and be on your own.

True... All that you have said, the rational part of me has said over and over. I guess I am just reaching out to understand more if having a part of you that doubts yourself makes you any less of a woman. I have problems with myself just like any other girl in the world, however, its a large part of my life and understanding the way other people feel who go through similar things helps a lot. Thanks for you comments! xoxoxo

I understand the idea of not relating to the other girls.  It seems like we should relate to them, but we didn't grow up with the same shared experiences.  I know I never felt like I really fit in with the girls, but I wanted, too.  OTOH, I know plenty of girls that don't fit in with most girls because of their interests. 

You might have a look here for a few thoughts:
https://www.susans.org/forums/index.php/topic,185976.msg1655638.html#msg1655638

You might think about counseling... there are even online counselors...

You might grow your hair out and play a bit with hair and clothing styles... using a ponytail in guy mode...
second hand stores could be a good source in the beginning, also when size is likely to change a bit... you could get one or two pieces more this way...

maybe some underwear to lift motivation...

you could get some nourishing products for your face like for example jojoba oil or coconut oil based ones (unless allergic), and maybe an unobtrusive lipstick... all possibly plant based and organic, not mineral oil based... there are video tutorials on makeup... secret is not to overdo it... you might look up " Plastic Surgery With MakeUp Fuller, Bigger Lips " as an example... its not necessary to use all the products she uses, it just shows what can be done, for example with two lipsticks...

You might eat healthy... a healthy variety of fruits and vegetables, possibly organic... cutting on carbonated and high sugar drinks, drinking water and maybe tea...
having some regular exercises you like, a few minutes a day... like walking, swimming or biking... this might also help lift mood...

and you might use a female name online and simply communicate with other trans people...


hugs

Transgender women aren't "like" women. They ARE women. I know trans women who drive large trucks, who lay drywall for a living, and who would rather wire a house than decorate one. Like cis women, trans woman have a variety of interests that range from the girly to the downright macho. Kristin Beck, the famous transgender Navy Seal was most comfortable on the gun range.

Some would rather drink tea with the ladies (that's me, I'm afraid) but others would hang with the guys.

We're allowed to be whatever type of women we are.

therapy helps

I play video games, as does my (cis female) partner, all four of my closest female friends (also cis), and probably around 40% of the people I play online with are also female.  I know there's an element of the traditional 'male nerd' gaming culture who wish it weren't so, and I know there's a subset of self-identified 'girly girls' who still see gaming as a 'male' pastime.  It can be discouraging when you don't have a wide or diverse circle around you, and it can seem like you have to act a certain way to fit in, but in the world at large there is nothing abnormal about you or your interests.  If you Google it, you will find a whole host of recent studies suggesting that gamers are pretty much split 50-50 between genders these days, and those with outdated views, however vocal they may be, belong to a shrinking minority.

And having said all of the above -- yeah, I had the same doubts as you at first, and wondered whether I was supposed to leave all of my old interests behind.  But I spent most of my life not being myself in order to fit in, and I'll be damned if I'm gonna keep doing that now.  It doesn't make you less of a woman to have doubts.  It doesn't make you less of a woman to have your own interests, either.  It just means you're a real human being who doesn't conform to some narrow set of stereotypes.  I know it's hard at times, but you're doing this so you can be yourself, right?  So be yourself, and be proud of who you are.

Thank you all for your support. I have to agree with all you guys have said. I needed that support!

                              xoxoxoxo Natalie

Quote from: natalie92 on April 10, 2015, 04:03:35 AM
Okay, so i am going to try to keep this as short as I can. I know people don't want to read a paper about my problems, However I have some question that I would like to know if anyone else here goes through.

So I am a 23 year old MtF trans girl. I feel I identify as a girl, however, when I'm out at work or at home even I don't know if I relate to the other girls around me. I'm a gamer at heart, kind of overweight and don't really look the part. I currently live with my mother who is not the worst in the world about the situation, but makes it very clear that she does not agree with me on the issue. Like I said I do have a job and while I'm here with her I am financially stable. I live in Alabama and don't have many support groups that I can talk to. It discourages me to see other girls acting preppy and super girly, and me who just wants to be recognized by the gender, I feel I am, having to "fake it" to fit in. My whole life I just want to be me. I would like other people to see me for what I see in myself.

Are there any people who are either going through this or have gone through the same things, that can give me some advice as to what to do?

Hi! I also live in Alabama and I am a lifelong gamer.

Try not to fall into the trap of comparing yourself and your "girliness" to others. Trust me, there are plenty out there who have more in common with you than they do with those types of girls. They are the ones I've always surrounded myself with. Gamers, engineers... girls who share my interests. I've never had any problems finding them.

You're not alone, sweetie.

I went through the same thing recently. It took a few harsh rejections from friends or love interests to make me realize how fake they are. Obviously they only care if they can tell. In 10 years when you're walking down the street and the jerks can't tell and judge you, then their discriminatory ways have failed.