I got a call from the front desk at the hotel I work for about an alarm going off in a room...when I got up there, the guests in the next room over were standing out in the hallway asking what on earth it could have been. I immediately recognized the pair as a transwoman and her girlfriend...it was in her facial features, her voice, and her build. I've become so used to having to get a clear description of troublemakers that I do it with everyone...I notice even the little things, like hair style, breast size (that's more helpful than one would think when looking for someone specific), eye colour, etc...

Long story short, after clearing and resetting the "alarm", which turned out to be a phone left off the hook with the speaker button on, I stepped back out to explain what the sound was in case it happened again. I called her "ma'am", which made her face light up - kind of gave herself away right there - and then she went back into her room to tell her girlfriend what it was. As I passed by the room on my way back down to the security office, I heard her excitedly telling her girlfriend, "The guard totally clocked me...but he still called me ma'am"...

I feel terrible about it!!!    I never meant to clock her, it was just that between the profiling skills I'd picked up from working as a guard for over a year now and the fact that we transwomen seem to have an ability to just know each other on sight sometimes, I couldn't help it. I feel like a jerk for making it so horribly obvious...

I still don't get how you "made it obvious" or they knew you had read them...?

Anyway, we can't "not read" people if we know what the various signs are and they happen to tick the box, the only thing we can do is keep it all business as usual and not make an issue out of it.

Honestly, I don't either. Maybe it was in the once-over I gave her at first, but that had nothing to do with her, it's a habit from this job. I tend to give everyone a once-over, got used to it from having to give police descriptions when calling them about vagrants, violent drunks, or general troublemakers.

The old non-verbal communications always speak louder than words ;~)

Quote from: SarahBoo on April 10, 2015, 01:04:42 AM
The old non-verbal communications always speak louder than words ;~)

Right. I've had more than my share of trouble from looking people over like that, but over the last 14 months of working as a security guard, I've picked up my own form of "spidey senses", for lack of a better term. I can spot a vagrant from twenty feet, I can tell just from minor behaviours when people are whacked out on something or planning to cause trouble, and I've even aided store owners and employees in deterring criminals when off the clock...I feel like I've gained some valuable skills from this job, but as today's little incident shows, it's not always a good thing.

Yeah the strongest language is body language and the facial expressions. I am also guilty of over examining someone who I think might also be trans and they clearly notice. Needless to say it makes me feel soooo guilty in retrospect. Trying to train myself off doing that. Well... regardless it has to make the fellow trans ladies at least a little happy to be called ma'am or miss though; I am hoping.

Quote from: ClaireIvene on April 10, 2015, 01:43:16 AMWell... regardless it has to make the fellow trans ladies at least a little happy to be called ma'am or miss though; I am hoping.

It definitely put a smile on her face, and she was giggling when she told her girlfriend about it.

Quote from: StrykerXIII on April 10, 2015, 01:44:58 AM
It definitely put a smile on her face, and she was giggling when she told her girlfriend about it.

And now she is probably reading this story on Susan's...

Quote from: ♡ Emily ♡ on April 10, 2015, 01:47:21 AM
And now she is probably reading this story on Susan's...

Oh crap.

It is very nice that you made her night aww, I know I adore brightening someone's day.


That would be an interesting coincidence or act of 'god' lol... if that girl was actually viewing this very topic, hmmm... probabilities.

I wonder if she reverse clocked you too, =P it happened with a newer friend of mine, we both just kind of accepted that each other were trans without actually saying anything about it for awhile. Aslo it had crossed my mind that an easy way to clock a lot of us here is just to use the right pronouns and see if we beam like a lighthouse =P

Yesterday I was in the supermarket buying a few things, because well we don't plan our grocery list properly (not my fault) and we make like 10 trips during the week. However they had leggings on sale so I bought a couple.

Going to checkout, as usual I choose the longest line with the old lady writing a check and also using some sort of public benefit check where they have to call the manager to sign, use the key or some nonsense. Why on Earth they don't use a debit card and EBT card is beyond me. Yeah lucky me, LOL.

Anyway I am there playing with my phone, because, well I am bored. Head down. Oh btw I am dressed as a guy because, well, I am coming from work and really did not bother to take off my jacket.

She places another customer's bread behind my conveyor belt separator by accident, then when she reaches it, looks to me and says, "sir, is this yours?"

I look up at her, and say, "no it's not. You put it there." I kinda use a higher voice because I'm used to doing that now.

The look of absolute horror on her face was priceless. It was as if she saw a ghost. Lord alone knows what she was thinking. Then she says, "okay, ma'am, I'm sorry."

Haha, I like wins like that, because people correct themselves...

Quote from: iKate on April 10, 2015, 09:39:04 AM
Yesterday I was in the supermarket buying a few things, because well we don't plan our grocery list properly (not my fault) and we make like 10 trips during the week. However they had leggings on sale so I bought a couple.

Going to checkout, as usual I choose the longest line with the old lady writing a check and also using some sort of public benefit check where they have to call the manager to sign, use the key or some nonsense. Why on Earth they don't use a debit card and EBT card is beyond me. Yeah lucky me, LOL.

Anyway I am there playing with my phone, because, well I am bored. Head down. Oh btw I am dressed as a guy because, well, I am coming from work and really did not bother to take off my jacket.

She places another customer's bread behind my conveyor belt separator by accident, then when she reaches it, looks to me and says, "sir, is this yours?"

I look up at her, and say, "no it's not. You put it there." I kinda use a higher voice because I'm used to doing that now.

The look of absolute horror on her face was priceless. It was as if she saw a ghost. Lord alone knows what she was thinking. Then she says, "okay, ma'am, I'm sorry."

Haha, I like wins like that, because people correct themselves...

Proof positive that your voice is getting better

Quote from: StrykerXIII on April 10, 2015, 12:26:19 AM
I got a call from the front desk at the hotel I work for about an alarm going off in a room...when I got up there, the guests in the next room over were standing out in the hallway asking what on earth it could have been. I immediately recognized the pair as a transwoman and her girlfriend...it was in her facial features, her voice, and her build. I've become so used to having to get a clear description of troublemakers that I do it with everyone...I notice even the little things, like hair style, breast size (that's more helpful than one would think when looking for someone specific), eye colour, etc...

Long story short, after clearing and resetting the "alarm", which turned out to be a phone left off the hook with the speaker button on, I stepped back out to explain what the sound was in case it happened again. I called her "ma'am", which made her face light up - kind of gave herself away right there - and then she went back into her room to tell her girlfriend what it was. As I passed by the room on my way back down to the security office, I heard her excitedly telling her girlfriend, "The guard totally clocked me...but he still called me ma'am"...

I feel terrible about it!!!    I never meant to clock her, it was just that between the profiling skills I'd picked up from working as a guard for over a year now and the fact that we transwomen seem to have an ability to just know each other on sight sometimes, I couldn't help it. I feel like a jerk for making it so horribly obvious...

You are such a nice person. She should have been happier.

In my case, the opposite sometimes happens. Some female employees in restaurant are very unkind to me, but they make a big smile and suddenly become very kind to me once they hear my low voice.

barbie~~

Quote from: StrykerXIII on April 10, 2015, 01:44:58 AM
It definitely put a smile on her face, and she was giggling when she told her girlfriend about it.

I think you brightened her day then, so don't feel bad.   Whilst a total pass is nice, acceptance and respect when you know your being clocked is as good as a hug when it comes with a huge dose of sincerity.

I don't see clocking someone as something that one does intentionally nor accidentally.  Whenever you see or encounter another human being, your survival instincts kick in right away and you size them up to see if they are going to be a potential threat to you or not.  One of the first things everyone does in their mind is determine the gender of the person in question when making an inventory of their physical attributes.

So in this instance, you just happened to notice that this was a transwoman and you respected that.   As a transwoman, I happen to have a pretty refined trans-dar, as do most of us. 

That being said, we probably need to figure out a secret international sign or something that IDs us as being members of the transgender club.

Quote from: ♡ Emily ♡ on April 10, 2015, 01:47:21 AM
And now she is probably reading this story on Susan's...

lmao how hilarious would that be?

I've clocked people as well unfortunately, and I feel bad about it...especially because I become awkward around someone when I get the idea in my head.

Where I work there is a trans intern (new) in a shared office area. I was talking to one of the secretaries in an open area for a while. The intern walked past me 4 times in 5 minutes. She looked over each time and I just kept up with the person I was talking with. I wanted to talk to her and I could tell she wanted to talk to me but it is very awkward.

Clocking one way or the other happens. I think respecting another persons privacy and addressing them as they present is the key, cis or trans.

I've clocked a few trans people before, and really don't use pronouns (sir, miss) at all towards anyone nowadays. I hate to say it but the voice is a big giveaway.

Quote from: Jill F on April 10, 2015, 05:31:34 PM
I don't see clocking someone as something that one does intentionally nor accidentally.  Whenever you see or encounter another human being, your survival instincts kick in right away and you size them up to see if they are going to be a potential threat to you or not.  One of the first things everyone does in their mind is determine the gender of the person in question when making an inventory of their physical attributes.

So in this instance, you just happened to notice that this was a transwoman and you respected that.   As a transwoman, I happen to have a pretty refined trans-dar, as do most of us. 

That being said, we probably need to figure out a secret international sign or something that IDs us as being members of the transgender club.

I have to agree, we are hard wired to remember faces/characteristics of people in ways that are incredibly 'lizard brained' and you can't NOT recognize happy/sad/facial expressions if your brain is on the average level of non verbal cues.  This is why people with autism can have a tough time- most of us can't even imagine what it would be like to have to interpret the strange contortions of a human face without it automatically MEANING something. 

I would never be offended to be clocked and get the right pronouns, or have someone have to ask what I prefer- I know I am terribly fem looking and it doesn't bother me much at all.  Really- the fact that you could infer what was respectful and kind is just awesome ha ha! I do my best not to trans or gaydar or any of that sort of thing, but I do live in a community where people can be pretty out and open and it's no big deal.  Some people seem to enjoy the attention and others don't so I prefer to use neutral pronouns whenever possible, or go with the signals if I can't make it work ^^