I don't know where I fit anymore. I mean I'm not a particuarly nice person. I'm very judgmental, I get very explosively angry easily as people stay far away because its very easy to tell if I'm in a foul mood. I don't give people a second chances for many reasons. but I'm honest, I can be very generous and I'm a good listener. its just frustrating. idk what I'm missing and its making me feel misplaced

How important is it to you to have a place label vs the formlessness you feel?  I hope you might also feel you can fit here, but recognize we are so uniquely individual that a party of one is where we are at sometimes.  So very many of us have felt out of place, different  and alienated enough to consider being from another planet or dimension.  Building community is one step at a time but you can start a new club too;-)

I hate labels but labels sometimes bring a sense of placement and a category whether its good or bad. Its different from being alienated or such. it feels like no matter what I do, a spot keeps moving further and further and further away. I've in gotten to a point of content in the fact that I'm just background and just a shadow on the ground.

being real and substantial enough to cast a shadow is a start?

I wish it was that simple. casting a shadow is just showing you exist but that's all it is. a shadow can't move on its on. though my shadow is cast, I'm just invisible. I long for when I can be seen but as the sun goes down, I disappear and sometimes the sun will not come back. I can deal with being laughed at, I can deal with being rejected, I can deal with being even hated because that's what humans do and you can't do anything about it. however the worst thing you can do to someone is forget them and that's what I feel like. sure I have a mother who would sacrifice a meal just to see me full or other people who would sacrifice a limb or an organ to save my life if it came done to it but I feel forgotten and it just keeps getting stronger and stronger

Quote from: enigmaticrorschach on April 11, 2015, 01:53:22 PM
I wish it was that simple. casting a shadow is just showing you exist but that's all it is. a shadow can't move on its on. though my shadow is cast, I'm just invisible. I long for when I can be seen but as the sun goes down, I disappear and sometimes the sun will not come back. I can deal with being laughed at, I can deal with being rejected, I can deal with being even hated because that's what humans do and you can't do anything about it. however the worst thing you can do to someone is forget them and that's what I feel like. sure I have a mother who would sacrifice a meal just to see me full or other people who would sacrifice a limb or an organ to save my life if it came done to it but I feel forgotten and it just keeps getting stronger and stronger

Well you are already an unforgettable person to me.  You have heard that old line; take my advice, I'm not using it.  I guess it is the real time world that has you disappearing and that realm of yours is beyond our touch here.  We have a Festival of the Dark Arts here in Astoria and it features dark beer and more.  Some people are drawn to it by the lure of darker ideas and practices.  There is a seduction to the Dark Side, as every Star Wars fan knows.  I hope you find some sunny place to be with someone who will find you unforgettable in real time.

that actually made me laugh a little. I'm nor a negetive thinker but i'm also not a postivie person because no about of negative or positive thinker will get you anywhere unless you actually do the work nor to I believe in hope or faith because they are just states of mind that for me will only hinder me. I get the blank stares from other and sometimes when someone bumps into me, they look around wondering what they had hit.

Hey Genesis Beast,

You are substantial enough to make posts and impressions here.  Philosophy is fun but your reality is not something I am trying to change but merely understand better.  One of my BFF asked me why in the hell I would want to be an old woman when she feels anywhere from overlooked to invisible.   There are mean streets in every City but where do we want to walk?

well i technically zoom around in a ball of black mist or glide along the ground. almost got caught in a bottle or plastered on a shrink's chart for inkblot test but thats another story. i just really dont know which is frighting. i hate not being in control and if i'm not, well destructive tendencies get the better of me. i try not to let people know to much about me thus why i'm being somewhat picky with my words and i may something get cryptic but my reality is, well actually i have no idea.