ok ladies and gents, no great philosophical question to stir the pot, just wanted to share with the community...

A few days ago I had "the talk" with my longest and best male friend and his wife.  Of course, I don't need to tell y'all that dropping this news can be a bombshell and I knew he would need some time to absorb and consider how this will affect the dynamic of our friendship going forward.  His wife was immediately accepting which I think made it even more difficult for my friend because he was not quite at the same comfort level as his wife. 

This is tough enough but I hope I did not add by creating a little conflict between them.  Its getting easier, but ... Ugh!!!   

Ok, thanks for being my internet ears.     

I have found it is generally easier and/or more comfortable for women to accept a transgender female.  Some men may worry about their own masculinity and there is typically more shame or misogyny associated with going in the MtF direction vs the FtM.  Some men will not understand why we would so gladly give up the male privilege, status and strength to be "less than" we were.  Cultural conditioning is amazing but too real some days?

Yes, interesting

Tessa, i agree that my (few) male friends are more hesitant to accept because they thought i was just one of the guys ... and now the friendship may never have the same dynamic.  There is no threat to my girl friends. 

Even if he is willing to be very accepting, will he ever again feel comfortable inviting me to the ball game when he has an extra ticket ... will he want to talk when the other ladies are socializing in the other room ... will he ever feel comfortable making an innocent male comment about how nice another woman looks?  Even though I want to start experiencing the type of girlfriend relationships that I have missed out on my whole life, it makes me very sad to lose the few close male friendships I have because those ar the only close friendships I have (except for my wife).  I think it makes him very sad also.  I want to try to keep some of that relationship. 

As they say, the only thing that ever stays the same is that everything changes.     

     

I am a very social person and have many friends but more acquaintances.  Transition for many of us really can weed out one from the other.  In my experience our true friends may struggle but remain with us.  It is at least awkward for our old buddies not to use our old name, pronouns and /or want to slap us on the back, buddy style.  I have friends who are less able to make that change and 2+ years in still can't get my name right and continue that misogynistic crap of reducing women to body parts..."wow, look at that rack."  Always a bit of a feminist now being part of the girls club and getting similar appearance "once overs" is eye opening.  Of course we become more sensitive to such daily interaction and more empathetic with other girls/women.

My better friends have engaged with me in deeper personal discussions of what this means for our friendship.   I have needed to hear some describe what a sense of loss they have about losing Jim and the uncertainty they have about Tessa.  We agree that our memories and past experience together remain and this is just one kind of transition people go thru.  Life passages also include loss from death and disability and I remind folks we still have ample opportunity to have great fun together.   This is a dynamic most can get.