Hello, I'm Kay, in my 20s.
I rarely visit this forum unless I needed to vent on my older account. I am a transgender FTM. Living in a repressed and ignorant Asian country has proven to be unhelpful; I don't know anyone with my condition neither find community supports for it. I did tell my sister and one friend about my issue but they barely believed me.
Before I have a clear vision on what gender is I have been aspired to be a man, like my father and brother. Growing up and realizing there is a clear difference between me and other males, the inability to express myself gender wise is very frustrating.
Before I knew it, I was already wearing and acting like a guy. There is that style called tomboys but people seem to recognize it's not a style for me. It was dis-empowering and humiliating whenever people realize I was female after using male pronouns and change it accordingly, whenever they ask if I was "male or female?" and I am bound to answer "female", whenever they talked about me behind my back if "that was a girl or a guy?" and laughed, whenever they look at me and held their laughter, whenever I have to enter the bathrooms or toilets. It's constantly stressful, I learnt to cope but it never stopped hurting.
My sister told me: "You choose to wear guy's clothes, that's why people treat you like that." No, it wasn't a choice.
I just hope to find people like me out there and maybe someone who shares my struggles. Thanks.
If you want to talk, PM me. I still need to get more posts to reply though.
