The decision to transition and drastically change your life is difficult to say the least . How important is the factor of whether or not you'll have a partner present or future on the determination of moving forward and transitioning. For myself it didn't weigh in too much because I lost hope along time ago in ever finding anyone so it didn't matter.

For me personally, transitioning is something that I needed to do in order to be happy with myself. If I had been in a relationship at the time and they couldn't understand that, the relationship would end. I don't really care about future partners, it didn't factor into my decision at all.

I believe that whoever is meant to be in your life will find their way to you. I'd want to be the best version of myself that I could possibly be for whoever that person is, and to be that, I needed to transition.

Truthfully it has weighed on me a lot.

I'm married (to a woman) but it is unlikely to last from all indications.

And I am straight probably slightly bi/pansexual. So I may want to have relations with a guy when I'm all done.

But I am afraid of transphobia and acceptance. WIll they accept me in spite of being trans? It's hard to go stealth for me but even if I could, I wouldn't feel right or honest lying or lying by omission to an intimate partner.

I am not looking for someone who is specifically interested in trans women as a fetish. I'm not going to have man parts when I'm done anyway.

But that is not a deciding factor. My deciding factor is not wanting to kill myself, and not constantly being depressed and sick.

oh geez. you know, wish i had a partner who would be there when i need them and help me through but i'm content with not having one if it means i'll be slated

It's big for me but only recently. I don't trust women. I worry they'll either miss the penis and leave me for that, or they'll secretly fetishize my hated parts and use me as liberal brownie points ("oh, I dated a transgender lol I'm so open minded").

But it would never be enough to make me detransition. You can be surrounded by people and loved, but still feel completely and utterly alone. And that's how I felt as a woman and as a non-passing trans man. People found me attractive and I had lots of people who thought I was "cool." But I felt so alone because I knew despite their best intentions they couldn't see past the outside. I ditched almost everyone except the few true blue friends who did all they could to ignore the lies of my outward appearance...and frankly, I am better off without everyone I walked away from because although I wasn't physically alone those people made me feel alone, trapped in my skin. Detransitioning might make it easier to get a date, but I would know I wasn't being seen or loved for myself and there would be no point.

Besides that, real love is not so fickle. Being trans might make casual dating harder, because unfortunately, I place very high expectations on others in terms of understanding my transition. I've been hurt too many times by people who only half ass know what they're talking about, even other trans people have done this. So when someone doesn't "get it" enough for me, I don't care to continue the relationship/friendship, because I've been through too much to do that again. But I know that someone who REALLY loves me, when they find out about my past - they're going to find a way to accept me exactly as I am, without fetishizing me, making assumptions about me, etc because they're going to see that in spite of my challenges I am a man worth loving. Who respects how I feel about myself and lets me tell her who I am, not the other way around. I'll find that woman one day, providing that I can allow myself to take a risk and trust her.

Honestly, I could say "Transition is just for yourself", "All that matters is how you feel about yourself" which I feel is true. But, I won't lie, finding a partner is important for me, and I'm 18 and young and apparently femmie so it's very hard. Aside from body dysphoria, this is probably just one of the many reasons that push even forward to transition. Gay and bi guys don't like femme at all. There are probably more straight guys willing to date a trans girl than gay guys after a femme boy. Seriously. Even if it's just a minority of the hetero community, any hetero minority is still bigger than a gay minority. I feel like no gay would date me, eva, as I'm to femme for their tastes. YET, I don't have a woman's body so no hetero guy would either! OMG It's frustrating, it's like being stuck in a limbo. So, yeah. Yeah........It's one of the big reasons for me. I feel like it's tabboo to admit this, but it's true for me.

Quote from: Auroramarianna on April 17, 2015, 03:00:02 PM
Honestly, I could say "Transition is just for yourself", "All that matters is how you feel about yourself" which I feel is true. But, I won't lie, finding a partner is important for me, and I'm 18 and young and apparently femmie so it's very hard. Aside from body dysphoria, this is probably just one of the many reasons that push even forward to transition. Gay and bi guys don't like femme at all. There are probably more straight guys willing to date a trans girl than gay guys after a femme boy. Seriously. Even if it's just a minority of the hetero community, any hetero minority is still bigger than a gay minority. I feel like no gay would date me, eva, as I'm to femme for their tastes. YET, I don't have a woman's body so no hetero guy would either! OMG It's frustrating, it's like being stuck in a limbo. So, yeah. Yeah........It's one of the big reasons for me. I feel like it's tabboo to admit this, but it's true for me.

omg! i know the feeling though i'm neither feminine or masculine. actually i just feel like one big contraindication sometimes. its strange

To me, I feel that I need to transition before  even considering shopping for a new boyfriend. I have had other guys in the past but it just doesn't feel right. Like there is something missing in the relationship and it is because I don't feel like a complete woman.

sometimes i wonder if i would actually end up dying alone in a house full of cats. i'm like average, i'm a crazy magnet and i've really never had a "normal" relationship. i guess really for me, it does matter in some sense cuz i feel kinda lonely. (runs to a corner, rolls into a ball and cries)

Quote from: DanielleA on April 17, 2015, 09:03:17 PM
To me, I feel that I need to transition before  even considering shopping for a new boyfriend. I have had other guys in the past but it just doesn't feel right. Like there is something missing in the relationship and it is because I don't feel like a complete woman.

That's my problem , I love men and want a man to hold me so bad , but I don't feel right because I'm not complete

Quote from: Echo Alcestis on April 17, 2015, 09:08:01 PM
sometimes i wonder if i would actually end up dying alone in a house full of cats. i'm like average, i'm a crazy magnet and i've really never had a "normal" relationship. i guess really for me, it does matter in some sense cuz i feel kinda lonely. (runs to a corner, rolls into a ball and cries)

yes, loneliness seems to be my lover.

Quote from: stephaniec on April 17, 2015, 09:12:17 PM
yes, loneliness seems to be my lover.

well i have left over ice cream. you want? i'll just go watch reruns of giligan's island 

I had already given up on relationships, love and all that stuff about 11 years before I started transitioning, so it wasn't a factor at all for me.

Sometimes I feel that my need for a boyfriend is so strong it hurts. It's really annoying actually. That being said, I'm a straight girl, not a gay boy, and so social transition was imperative anyway.

maybe if i change my look it could help. i could go either way, but i prefer girls. it takes a special guy to attract me. oh loneliness, why art thou so cruel.

Quote from: Echo Alcestis on April 17, 2015, 09:25:27 PM
well i have left over ice cream. you want? i'll just go watch reruns of giligan's island 

if it's cherry

Quote from: Echo Alcestis on April 17, 2015, 09:48:20 PM
maybe if i change my look it could help. i could go either way, but i prefer girls. it takes a special guy to attract me. oh loneliness, why art thou so cruel.

Well, I go either way , but my problem is I love men , but not without the proper equipment

After all I've been through in my life, I just don't think I can BE a proper partner without transition.  So yeah, if I end up completely alone and transitioned, I think I'd be better off this way than being a bad partner. 

0 %, as they are different and mostly unrelated matters to me.

How sad that many of us transgender people are lonely wether it is by choice for self preservation/protection or uncertainties or by no choice of our own.. people just detesting us or reviled in fear of our difference from them as they perceive it. Heh, if only people had open hearts and minds to us we'd have more of an equal opportunity to experience the(largely overlooked by others who do not struggle as we do) simple joy of having that meaningful and deep bond of love with another. I have never had a lover in all my years of living and that GREATLY floods me with sorrow in my heart. The loneliness of it all as of around 2 years ago really started getting to me.

:sigh: .... how I would love to have a strong, caring, handsome man to make me feel loved, protected, and cherished. I'd be a great woman to my man he'd not regret having me by any means. I do feel in my soul that I will end up meeting the love of my life when the time is right though. I'm planning on going full-time within a year and a half and I'm sure to be beautiful and that's when I'm entering the dating scene to find my knight. Yes, I know I am very weak sounding and I guess I am...  sadly but that's just how things ended up.