im seeking divorce from my wife. we got married in las vegas.  she has made it clear she cant be with a woman and im going to transition. we have kids, and a house.

i dont know the first thing about doing this

any advice or dos and donts?
and what should my first steps be?

I'm not sure what the process is in the USA but if there is property and children involved a lawyer may be a good place to start

I know a fair amount about divorces, Divorced once in USA and 2 times overseas,

In the USA each state has different divorce rules but they all follow the general format with some variances, Some states exclude your original wealth before marriage but and gains are 50/50. Other states just add up the total assets of the man and wife and then divide by 50/50. Children are required to be supported by the money maker the family and this also varies from state to state,

Now for some oddities, Sometimes the assets are small or tied up in that case a mintenance amount is ordered, This maintenance matches the lifestyle that the spouse is accustomed to living. This maintenance normally ends when the benefitting party remarries. If a lump sum is paid then there is normally no maintenance except for the children.

In general the courts will award the children to the wife unless you have been the house man.

It is essential to see lawyer and have an amicable divorce, Lawyers in a contested settlement can be very expensive. It tough going and I can only wish you a smooth ride with a few possible bumps on the way.

Can I just add, sometimes the transgender partner feels 'sorry' for the situation and gives stuff away to the ex in the hope of an amicable ending. Unfortunately that also places the trans* person in financial strife and transitioning is tough enough without realising you have given away your rightful share os assets.

You need to take emotion out of the equation, which can be very difficult,

I totally agree with Warlockmaker, I hope it goes smoothly for all concerned.

Yes. Cindy has a point which I totally forgot. When I first started  hrt it was euphoric but at the same time my empathy was greatly elevated. Thank the stars that I had a therapist that warned me and then protected me. I almost gave away too much with the guilt I had about bring tg.

Quote from: warlockmaker on April 18, 2015, 07:13:37 AM
Yes. Cindy has a point which I totally forgot. When I first started  hrt it was euphoric but at the same time my empathy was greatly elevated. Thank the stars that I had a therapist that warned me and then protected me. I almost gave away too much with the guilt I had about bring tg.

Funny, or perhaps not, my therapist did the same.

It's a very complicated thing that is very much dependent on many variables. Children, income of one (or both) divorcing parties, assets, how willing both parties are to "settle" and how quickly they can or will do it, your state (some require waiting periods and fees to be paid), ect.

I've never divorced but DW has and she pretty much gave up everything since her ex filed in a different state than they lived in and she was overseas for part of the proceedings.

My advice: Remember, your wife is now your adversary. If she has a lawyer on her side, you need one too.

The first step I'd suggest is to find a lawyer.