i came across this newspaper article today (i wish i could show you the original, but it's not in english so i'll have to take the trouble of translating it) written by a psychiatrist. the heading was quite catchy- 'beautiful son turns into beautiful daughter'- and sounded positive and i immediately read into it thinking it speaks supportive of trans community, which is a very rare occasion in the society i live in.

it was about a 7y/o kid who is anatomically male but wants to become a girl. the kid had had a sweet look since he was a baby and looked like a girl, so (i'm wondering what pronoun i should use for the kid. hope it's alright to use 'he'. i'm really really sorry if it offends the kid or you but you see, it will be so much easier to tell the story with that pronoun) the kid's mom used to dress him up in his sister's old dresses for fun, and cuddle him saying 'oh my sweet li'l girl' and stuff. the mother says the kid complained that she loves his sister more, and mother has said that was because girls need to be better looked after than boys. then the kid has said 'then i wish i were a girl, then mom would love me like that'.

as the kid grew older he has been found to be crossdressing on his own, sometimes even dressing up in sister's clothes and wearing her makeup. sometimes he would play teacher wearing mom's sarees, claiming he wished he was a girl so that he can become a (female)teacher when he grows up. he had loved and had a collection of dolls, and was caught once taking a doll to school and once wearing mom's lipstick to school. his schoolmates had discovered this and made fun of him, calling him a girl and stuff. they continually bullied him, so finally the kid has refused to go to school and says he doesn't want to attend a boys' school anymore, and that he wants to enter a girls' school. the kid is constantly asking his mom to make him a girl, so finally the mother has taken the kid to this psychiatrist.

so from what i read upto here i assumed the kid is transgender mtf, and read on further, but the psychiatrist has assumed absurd things! he says though the XY genes determine a person's anatomical sex, their gender identity is set in the age of 2-4 years, and the kid's environment in those ages highly affects this gender identity. in this case, as the mother had from time to time dressed the kid as a girl and called her daughter for fun, the kid's gender identity has been set as female. so it's the mom's fault in the old days that he is experiencing such difficulties with his gender identity now at the age of 7.

then the psychiatrist advices parents on how to avoid such a fate falling upon their child. he strictly advices them not to do anything that would confuse the kid's gender identity, they should never wear clothes of the opposite gender, and girls should be given dolls and boys given cars to play with, not vice versa by any means. and call them with correct pronouns of their gender. then the kid's gender identity will be firmly set in alignment with anatomical gender. if the parents do the forbidden things, the kids will grow up with gender identity issues into adulthood, become cornered in society, get depressed and face all kinds troubles and some might even go to the extent of altering their anatomical gender by surgeries.

then he explains how he's treating that kid, he says they don't use hormonal treatments on kids, so that kid is undergoing mental therapy. he will be put into association of a group of nice boys (he'll see no more girls i assume) and constantly reminded how great it is to be a boy, he will be taught the plus factors of being a boy and he will be constantly told stories of strong powerful male heroes, so finally the kid will realize he doesn't have to become a girl.

now i don't like to swear but what sorta b***s*** was that? written by a psychiatrist? and he's even allowed to treat that kid like that? firstly my friends, please enlighten me if you know whether a kind of induced gender identity issues this article talks about exists. please tell me if it exists because i'm feeling very upset after reading that article. the country i live in is very conservative and has near to nothing knowledge of transgender community. the little knowledge they do have is directed towards laughing at us, insulting, disgusting and cornering us. and when the newspapers which are supposed to educate the society are doing this type of education, what hope do i have about transitioning? and if this is the opinion of psychiatrists about children with gender identity issues, that something parents did wrong in childhood lead to all this, how do i even contact one someday to solve my issues?

my parents did not dress me in boys clothes intentionally, though my childhood photos wearing shorts are the only ones i like. i had short hair however, that too only because my mom wished to keep my hair short until i was old enough to take care of it on my own. they called me 'son' however, and i still insist they call me that though i haven't come out (but that word is also used gender neutrally around here, like you would use 'guys!' to a group of girls) but, i was and am dead envious of my brother because i think my parents love him more because he's a boy, so i used to wish i could become a boy so that they will love me more when i was a kid. i saw all kinds of negative aspects of being a girl and wanted to become a boy to avoid them. i absolutely hated it when someone forbid me from doing something because girls shouldn't do that, but i really wanted to do that and become a boy for that. i constantly felt i was being discriminated for being a girl. it was much later, only after knowing that my sexual attraction was towards girls that i realized there was much deeper reason to what i was feeling. but would that psychiatrist think my parents are somehow responsible for my story? do you have similar stories and would that guy be able to explain them off with his theory?

There's a psychiatrist named Zucker who advocates exactly this sort of treatment.  I wish there was something our community could do about this. These children are being mistreated.

There are quacks in every profession.

Personally, I think gender identity if something that is going to show up on its own. Most of the time, the parent's haven't tried to make the child one gender or another. The kid just starts to go one way on their own. I don't agree with forcing stereotypical toys on girls or boys, but I also think this kid's parent's did him a dis-service by dressing him in girls clothes and treating him like a girl.

In this case, since the parents did some questionable things, I do think the kid should be evaluated by a psychiatrist to determine if any damage was done. Most kids are sensitive to receiving love, and there can be some jealousy. If the mother called him a girl and gave him special attention, then turned around and stopped this behavior and told him that girls needed more attention which was then lavished on the sister and not the kid, its possible there has been some damage. 7 is awfully young to truly determine gender identity in this case.

That being said, don't get the idea that I agree with this guy's treatment. If anything, he is only increasing the confusion and any damage that may have been done. At most, the therapy should be confined to determining why the kid thinks he is a girl, not trying to bully him into thinking he is a boy. As far as girls only having dolls and boys having only male toys, that is a load or crap. If a child is actually a gender that doesn't agree with his or her body, then forcing a gender on them will only make the confusion and feelings of isolation worse later on at puberty when the guys tend to go one way and the girls the other.

This type of shrink makes me want to throw him off a bridge, but in this particular case, both the mother and shrink are culpable in causing confusion, anger and depression in this kid. Small children will seek out attention, and if they can't get good attention, then bad will do. If he is actually a she, it would show up at some point on its own, but by giving him the idea that the only way he will get love and attention is by being a girl, then that is what he is going to do. The whole thing makes me sick.

sam1234

Given the transcript I sort of agree with Sam. Regarding the culpability of the Mother (who, it seems, clearly wanted another girl and not a boy) who wantonly dressed the boy in what she wanted and maybe (only a maybe) the boy might not have wanted... The distress that ensued would have been intolerable for the kid. However the Dr is more culpable as he is forcefully trying to undo what the child is NOW, the kid needs guidance, not confrontational conformance to the stereotype.

Clearly the Dr is not across current thinking in the real world, the kid will know what gender is best, as to whether he always wanted to be a girl or a boy, we will never know, but enforcing change either way is very wrong!

L Katy

Suzifrommd: I've been personally treated by Zucker and can confirm that. Once you turn 18 he'll give you HRT though.

I don't agree with anything in this article. It sounds as if it was written in order to make it sound like it was a "fault of nurturing". Parents subconsciously promote and glamorize heteronormativity and I don't know of many cases of gay/bi/pan/etc. children becoming straight due to their parent' influence.

Also, what was the language of the original article? If it's French or Spanish I'd love it read it.   

The last I heard, in most states in the US a psychiatrist or therapist can lose their license for doing "conversion" therapy and if they aren't licensed they can be sued instead. Of course different countries have different laws but it's something you could look into and possibly report the quacks.


My therapists haven't tried blaming my parents for me being transgender but I did have to deal with one who promised to do conversion therapy with me. The first "therapist" my family took me to was a Christian counsellor. He had promised my family that he would help to convince me that I was a girl and teach me that it was sinful to be in a relationship with a woman. Each time I saw him for my sessions though he would skate around the fact that I was transgender. Instead, he would tell me that I should keep my relationship with my girlfriend private (in other words secret) from my family and that he would help build up my self esteem. He knew there wasn't a thing he could do to "convert" me and that he would be in trouble if he tried. Aside from his religiously-fueled bigotry he was a decent guy and easy to talk with. The discussions I had with him were interesting and a few times he was stumped when I had him attempt to validate and justify his own bigoted beliefs. Eventually he never contacted me for another session like he was supposed to and quit returning my parents' calls. I wonder why...

The 'psychiatrist' in that article is clearly a nutjob, but I am not so sure about the mother's culpability.
It is possible that whatever the mother did is being exaggerated because that's what that 'psychiatrist' said was the problem, and the people at that newspaper couldn't care less, or are happy to report something which affirms their own ignorant beliefs.

I'll mention my own example here. I have a brother who looked more 'cute' and 'feminine' throughout childhood, was dressed occasionally in girls' clothes at home, dressed up as a girl for a few plays in our school (it was a boys' school), but has grown up to have quite 'masculine' features, and afaik, no 'gender issues'. On the other hand, I was never dressed up as a girl or played a girl or anything, but I have had these lingering doubts which have now erupted fully much later. My mother occasionally said that it would have been nice to have a daughter, but I never thought I wanted to 'become' that daughter. I never envied my brother either.
My 'issues' arise from a different angle - a lingering discomfort with my body and having known for a long time that my brain leans female. It's taken me a long time to put it all together but I don't think anything anyone in my family did has led to this or could have prevented this etc.
But if this 'psychiatrist' were to look at my story, I am sure he will point at those isolated incidents and come up with some bizarre theory.

There are enough examples, David Reimer being the most famous one I guess, which show how parents and doctors cannot enforce a gender identity on a child. Many people still haven't caught up with that idea, I guess.

Hi Cindy, yeah I see your point, and a very valid real life experience, taa 

L Katy

My experience with psychiatry goes back to the 1950s and NONE of it was positive! I will see a therapist or a counsellor but not a psychiatrist!

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=II96QkZaz1E&index=2&list=WL

I had been under some care (don't really know for what in particular) thru my youth and teens. I did have a
desire to be female but didn't make it known too much..Parents were strict disiplinareans and this was the
1950's-60's. I did feel the heavy handedness of their treatment towards what their desired outcome was.
Flash forward through the years. I found some supporting friendship in the counter culture (drugs) of the 60's.
Placed in hospital (mental) for??No treatment or therapy that I can recall.. Got a girl friend there to dress me up make and all..
Busted in femme in stepmothers closet at 16..tried to end my life from the projected shame of it..
Joined the military the only way I could find to get away and attempted to start a new life..
Ups and downs..found a new environment way too confining..left  the ship I was on in rush of emotional breakdown and after arrival at my shipyard dorm room proceeded to attempt #2 by consuming  a large stash
of angel dust.
Awoke strapped down in the mentalward of the navy hospital. My therapy? Group..in which we learned we are
fallible.
Three dui's over 28 years. Counseling for these but never diagnosed correctly. I hid it well and my pain continued.
Hid it too well really. The end of 2014 I finally accepted myself and went to the VA and told mental health that
I was tg..diagnosed tg yes..but also have a aversion disorder..Now why could that be?

There was a time when very young boys and girls were dressed the same, but since it was the style, I doubt it did any damage to the kids.

Dressing a physically male child as a little girl would be, in many cases, considered child abuse. Even though this child was dressed and called a girl at an age when he was too young too remember (I'm using he as the child may not as yet be completely sure), forcing the wishes of the mother to have a girl onto the child is wrong. I don't think you can make someone who has a male body but female mind that way if it were not going to happen anyway, but it doesn't mean that a child can't suffer humiliation and psychological wounds from it.

The child will ultimately decide if  he is comfortable in his own body or feels that he should be a girl, but it should be something that comes from the child, not the mother and not the psychiatrist.
Part of being a child is experimenting and role playing, not just with gender, but a number of different subjects. If the child has a female body and wants to play with trucks, so what? The child may be a transgender, or, may just like trucks. The same goes for a child in a male body who wants a doll. In my opinion, the job of the parent and psychiatrist (should a child even need one), is to allow the child to freely experiment with their likes and dislikes so they can find out who they are. There is so much pressure on kids growing up that feel either that they are a transgender or that they are attracted to same sex but want to be the gender they are, it just makes things harder for the kids. I would far rather have my son come to me and tell me that he is a girl then tell me he has just gotten a diagnosis of leukemia. If parents (and not all do), would support and accept their child for who he or she is, the child wouldn't have to go through half of the emotional turmoil and fear of being disowned when they don't follow traditional roles.

sam1234

i'll give a longer response later guys, but for now... if it is possible to grow a gender confusion after such treatment by parents, (especially considering that the kid is too young to take a firm decision about what gender he wants to be) then its fair that the story should be shared. but the writer had made it sound like every person with a gender identity issue became so because of such a childhood. now if the next people i would come out to, for instance my parents have read that article, i'm gonna be in some serious trouble.

and no it is not in a language any of you might know. it's in my native tongue spoken only by people of our country. in even worse news, mom has thrown away the paper containing the article before i could save it. i was planning to analyse it further and maybe inform our country's leading support group. oh well, that's gone.