Hi!! I'm Kityan, I'm 18 years old and I'm french.
The problem is I'm confused about my gender.
I tell a little bit of my life :
When I was in kindergarten, I used to be best friend with a girl but I think the only thing in common between us is that I love drawing but I didn't like playing with dolls.
In primary school, I became friends with guys and played football with them. I was always around guys and didn't have a problem hanging out with them (thank god!!!
). I was super friends with them and I liked it
But I didn't like playing with girls : I was more like a protector against boys. The last time I wear a skirt was in third year and a dress was when I was 7 years old.
At the end of primary school, I started talking with girls but we didn't played things too girly because we have a new director and he didn't allow us to play football.
In middle school, I felt alone and I closed myself. I have a few friends who were girls but not boys. At second year, I found myself in a group of friends who were boys and girls, my best friend was a guy. In third year and fourth year, I found myself in a group of friends too but they were all girls.
At 14, I began bodybulding and it was weird. I begin to question myself : why I am so weird ? because the way I think was like a boy!!
In high school, I closed myself even more because it's far away and I don't have any friend that I know in there, I felt discriminated in there. In second year, I was in a group of female friends, but I didn't like the way they criticized people outside and inside the group : we have a lot of tension in the groupe. I felt that I don't belong in there but I have no choice. In third year, it was the best year : still in a group friend but they are kind of understand me the way I am.
In college, I found a closed friend and I'm still friend with those in hight school.
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So now in my life, I still don't like pink, girly things like dressing like a girl or doing make-up. Even before some friends of mine tried to do make-up in my face or dressed up like a girl and I beg them not to do it but I let them do it for fun. Normally I wear clothes that can be wear by boys and girls because I don't fell confortable in woman dress.
I like video games, dc comic's books, electronics, martial arts.
I confused because I don't know if I will be a girl or a boy in the future.
Before I never considerated being trans because I don't have a lot of approch of it : I know homosexuality but transsexuality was new for me.
It just a few days before when I watch a chinese show of a transwoman, that I respect because she assume the way she is, that I want to know a little bit more about her life and I fell like her.
Since that day I fell confused of should I be a girl or a boy because I always considerated myself as a boy mind in a girl body but I don't know if there are still a bit of girl in me.
I also concerned about my sexual orientation.
