"Awful lonely" I believe. I was there before the whole gender deal started in my life. Well I never felt comfortable in my skin.
When I was alone I use to do some play acting, like get all dressed and play act going to a ball, complete with the back drop seen of some swanky knight club. The table and the chairs set at the middle of the living room with a fake champagne bottle in its silver holder at the center of the table, the whole the whole 9 yards you know. I pretended I was lead to the table by my distinguished philanthropist lover.
No, I never met anyone else that I knew to be like me, well I have a friend who lives on Long Island, she is an empath. As an empath I could certainly feel a persons intent and feelings and emotions and at times their thoughts. Outside of work I was not much of a person for socializing. I had a good imagination and often played out some fantasies I conjured up.
If I don't feel comfortable with people I simply just stayed home. I often times do some playacting as fem.
Pica Pica
you ask about a sword, well my friend there was this large sandpit in the woods behind the apartment building I use to live in and I use go there to play out a character I mustered up out of imagination. Her title was The Dunes Of Mars Warrior Princes, who wielded an energy sword and rode a six legend steed .
I also did the beach thing once on a beautiful moonlight night. I kicked my shoes off and danced around bear feet in the sand wearing a ball gown, while awaiting for my distinguished philanthropist Lover. Hmmmmm he gets around doesn't he? Ya I suppose I was an incurable romantic among some other things. Actually transitioning wasn't the easiest thing one can do and the SRS was a pain, literally. Once the dust settled I didn't feel any different inside, I was still me, who ever me is, but I did gain some amplified sensitivities, not just to people but I also feel various types of energies all about me.
I love who I am no mater If I just feel neutral within. I still believe I lived a wonderful life with a good sprinkling of adventures. Well I had better terminate this post before it turns into a book.
Oh my I also read lots of books, tons of books and tons of movies. Now I have a partner and we do what ever our heart desires, we are both retired. Being nobody inside does have its benefits as well as it's short comings, but I think I lived an interesting life.
Cindy
