Hello everyone,
I'm completely new to Susan's, though, I've known about the site for many years. I've been a member of various other trans/ LGBTQ websites for the past decade or so; I'm hoping Susan's will be a good environment and outlet for some of the things that I think about but for which I don't have a particularly good outlet.
Anyway, I'm a transgender man and a doctoral student. I *officially* came out to everyone in 2014 but had been living more or less as a boy/ man for fourteen years prior to that (since age 12). Since the age of twelve, I just did what I felt was right but didn't discuss it with anyone until college. I've known that I wasn't a girl (though I don't know that I conceived of what I actually was) since I was four or five years old. I think that I was very confused by gender as a young child; I didn't really understand why I was expected to be a girl. When puberty hit me like a freight train at 8, I figured it out pretty quickly. I also become extremely depressed and anorexic. Eventually, I just decided that since I "had no choice" but to be a woman, that I would be a powerful woman, haha. So, from about 9-11, I lived that way. I came out as a lesbian at 11, and that didn't go well with most of my family at all. At twelve, I had one very excited day of tossing out almost every article of women's clothing that I owned before spending the next decade committing successive crimes against fashion (all the bagginess...). Haha.
When I got to University, I mostly didn't tell people, and I think everyone just assumed that I was a really butch lesbian. Then, I did my Master's, and was cautioned by my advisor to *not* be out because of potential prejudices. I came out at the end of my Master's, and it turned out that literally none of my friends or professors cared at all. So, now I'm in a PhD program, and I'm completely out, and my Department is AMAZING... as in they have re-labelled bathrooms as gender-neutral and offered to advocate for me when I was discriminated against at the health center AMAZING.
All of that said, I've had a difficult time with my family, especially growing up. I'd rather not go into it here but that's a thing. I think because of that, I've been very much on-edge about talking with them but have finally reached the point of the filter decomposing. Recently, I made a TERRIBLE decision to postpone having top surgery until 2016, and this caused me to spiral into a pretty deep depression. After six months of suffering, I finally just said "enough." I've contacted three surgeons, and have consults set up for May. My counselor has stated that she'll write my referral letter (
per WPATH Standards). I'm not on T but have had that letter since last April. I'm not really convinced that I need to go on testosterone but it's also not off the table yet. I also have a letter to change my gender marker on everything except for my birth certificate, which can likely never be changed but I don't care. I legally changed my name almost 5 years ago, and I never really think about it except when forcing myself (like now).
If you've stuck around for all of that blathering on, I guess some other bits about me: I love to write, and listen to music, and play Sims 4, haha. I'm honestly a workaholic most of the time. I tend to think about sexism and trans* healthcare a lot.
I'm looking forward to talking with everyone here.
-Ian
