Ever since I was in elementary school I felt an on and off need to become a woman. Recently whenever I think about being a woman it turns me on, and when I cross dress I also get turned on. So I masturbate sometimes and after I don't feel a need to be a woman for about an hour, but the feeling comes back. When I feel like being a woman I get really upset and depressed. I'm wondering if this is just a fetish or am I transgender?

Hi Cailyn. Welcome to Susan's. 

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Fetishes and sexual turnons are experienced by a lot of trans people, so it isn't an either/or sort of thing.

What you're describing is something a lot of us have felt. I can't say whether you're transgender or not, but I'm sure it would help to read some of the posts and see how it felt like to other people.

It might help to see a decent gender therapist, also.

That sounds very much like my situation exactly 1 year ago. I experience what you're talking about all the time as I move forward in my transition.

I can't agree enough that therapy will be highly beneficial. While I thought my life was pretty much in order except for the recent acceptance of being trans. I realized there was more going on with me than I had realized. She helped me not only sort it all out, but learn to embrace my journey and not just the end result.

Turns you on? As in sexually?

You should be careful. It could be a fetish or it could be other issues. Or you could really have a gender identity issue. That said, I used to be turned on sometimes but for me it went deeper than that and now I don't feel comfortable presenting male at all. I mean it literally makes my skin crawl. For me, dressing isn't about being turned on, it's about simply being comfortable in my own skin.

Talk to a therapist. s/he will make sense out of it.

Hi Cailyn, welcome to Susan's Place! You've dressed as the opposite gender, by definition you are transgender. Glad to have you in the club!

Hugs, Devlyn

Lol @devlyn
Cailyn, don't let what she just said scare you !

You've asked a huge question. Being depressed and upset are also pretty commonly experienced by those in our community that are in conflict with the idea of being transgender and trying to answer that question. Search  this forum or Google "cycle of shame" and cross dressing.  Doing anything outside of societal norms (especially when it involves something as powerful and personal as sexuality) can easily engender (pun!) feelings of shame, guilt, depression, etc. Like everyone else has recommended, opening up to someone is a good idea. Doesn't have to be a therapist necessarily if you have someone you trust and are close to. In my case it was the simple act of letting someone (gf at the time) in on that part of me that helped me to be able to confront and deal with it all.  The shame wants us to keep it hidden and buried never exposed to the"light" . Once out it becomes an idea you can grapple with and test. I found being feminine and x dressing wasn't just some"thing" I did, it is some"one" I am. And I wanted to experience and interact in the world as that person. Or you may find it's just something that gets you off,, that's cool too!

For me its certainly deeper than that, but many aspects of my transition have turned me on in that way.

Quote from: iKate on April 22, 2015, 01:54:21 PM
Turns you on? As in sexually?

You should be careful. It could be a fetish or it could be other issues. Or you could really have a gender identity issue. That said, I used to be turned on sometimes but for me it went deeper than that and now I don't feel comfortable presenting male at all. I mean it literally makes my skin crawl. For me, dressing isn't about being turned on, it's about simply being comfortable in my own skin.

Talk to a therapist. s/he will make sense out of it.

Quote from: Devlyn Marie on April 22, 2015, 02:22:11 PM
You've dressed as the opposite gender, by definition you are transgender. Glad to have you in the club!

Technically, neither a cross-dresser or ->-bleeped-<- is transgender.  Transgender means that you identify as the gender to which you would not typically be assigned by society as a function of your birth sex.  Cross-dressing simply means that you've worn the clothes designed for the opposite gender with which you identify; transvestitism means that you experience sexual arousal or pleasure from cross-dressing.  These are totally separate identities from being transgender.  A male cross-dresser or ->-bleeped-<- must, by definition, identify as a man.  That said, some transgender people "cross-dress" (with or without sexual arousal) prior to accepting their identities - that is the only point of intersection between these otherwise disparate issues.

Now, @Cailyn: first of all, don't read any of what I've said above as an accusation.  Some people cross-dress, and lot's of people have specific imagery that turns them on, and sometimes that imagery is of themselves cross-dressing.  It doesn't mean that you're a bad person or anything like that.  But.  If you feel that you are a woman (you might conceptualize it as "I should have been born a girl because I feel..."), then you are quite possibly transgender - which is also totally OK!

Regardless of how it pans out, I agree with the advice of seeking a counselor who can help you unpack all of the things that you're feeling.  It could totally be that you have a fetish, and if so, who cares?  It's not like it would hurt anyone as long as you didn't start to then fetishize transgender people (I've dealt with people like this) so, don't be too worried about it.  If it turns out that you are trans, that's also totally fine, and wouldn't really be surprising.  It's not like transgender people *don't* masturbate, and it would be totally within reason that you'd be more likely to be aroused if you were comfortable with your presentation than if not.

Try not to stress too much.

Transgender is an umbrella term. It means someone who does not always identify with their birth sex. This can include cross dressers. You might be thinking a transsexual who is someone who transitions to another gender presentation. Cross dressing is one of the most common precursors to being a full blown transsexual.

Quote from: Ian68 on April 22, 2015, 05:11:41 PM
Technically, neither a cross-dresser or ->-bleeped-<- is transgender. 

This is the definition we use on this site:

Transgender: an inclusive umbrella term which covers anyone who transcends their birth gender for any reason. This includes but is not limited to Androgynes, Crossdressers, Drag kings, Drag queens, Intersexuals, Transsexuals, and ->-bleeped-<-s.

From https://www.susans.org/forums/index.php/topic,54369.0.html

Thank you,  Kate and Suzi, for explaining that.  For a minute I didn't think I was transgender! 

Hugs, Devlyn

I'm a pre-op bi-trans MTF hominid .

Quote from: suzifrommd on April 22, 2015, 05:42:05 PM
This is the definition we use on this site:

Transgender: an inclusive umbrella term which covers anyone who transcends their birth gender for any reason. This includes but is not limited to Androgynes, Crossdressers, Drag kings, Drag queens, Intersexuals, Transsexuals, and ->-bleeped-<-s.

From https://www.susans.org/forums/index.php/topic,54369.0.html

I would like to reiterate this.  If any of you haven't read our definitions, please take the time to do so now to avoid potentially running afoul of our Terms of Service in the future.

Quote from: Devlyn Marie on April 22, 2015, 05:56:11 PM
Thank you,  Kate and Suzi, for explaining that.  For a minute I didn't think I was transgender! 

Hugs, Devlyn

Well, just to be sure though, we should probably dip you into the transgender test fluid and see if you turn pink.

As long as it's skinny dipping! 

Quote from: marsh monster on April 22, 2015, 06:38:28 PM
Well, just to be sure though, we should probably dip you into the transgender test fluid and see if you turn pink.

Quick, get out that transgender umbrella so we don't all get covered in gender fluid!

Quote from: Devlyn Marie on April 22, 2015, 06:41:26 PM
As long as it's skinny dipping! 

It'd have to be, the vial is kinda small...

The turn on thing happened to me in my teens too. As I have aged I have come to realize that male bits are a sort of emotional gauge. It goes up when you feel good or happy. My grandfather explained it with this little tidbit. He was a minister back in the day. He did all the usual minister stuff including presiding at weddings. He would be so moved by that honor though that he would become aroused during the vows. He subsequently wore a cup and jock strap whenever he was joining two people in matrimony.

Quote from: cailyn5471 on April 22, 2015, 12:57:12 PM
Ever since I was in elementary school I felt an on and off need to become a woman. Recently whenever I think about being a woman it turns me on, and when I cross dress I also get turned on. So I masturbate sometimes and after I don't feel a need to be a woman for about an hour, but the feeling comes back. When I feel like being a woman I get really upset and depressed. I'm wondering if this is just a fetish or am I transgender?

As I stated earlier, Cailyn, you certainly are transgender. Here is some further reading to help you understand  the differences between crossdressers, ->-bleeped-<-s, and fetishism.

https://www.susans.org/wiki/Transvestic_fetishism
https://www.susans.org/wiki/Cross-dressing

Hugs, Devlyn

Hi Cailyn,

I suspect you are trans.  Seeing a gender therapist to help you work out your feelings and help you identify your gender in a safe place and can help immensely.

I do not get aroused when I express. I feel calm, at least until I walk outside or through the gym   When I express and I am in public I feel that others are judging me (mostly in my head). so I feel a bit uneasy. When I am with my community I do not think twice about expressing.