Please forgive me if this is in the wrong section, but I thought due to the unique religious aspect of my job, that this might be the best place for this topic.

I'm facing a particularly difficult decision with my job in relation to my recent coming out with my family.

I currently work part-time for a Christian organization that will remain nameless mostly for the sake of my own job security for the time being (suffice to say, if anyone at my workplace were to discover that I was transgender I would most likely face immediate termination).

The trouble is that, after coming out to my mother last night, she made the obvious suggestion (as I had already considered) that I would have to resign from my current job, not because I don't want to work there, but because the company specifically does not hire or keep any LGBT employees. I've worked there for more than a year as gay male who expressed as male, so obviously, so long as I wasn't stupid and tagged my boss in pictures of me with my boyfriend in my Facebook photos, it wasn't an issue. Transitioning is obviously much more noticeable.

So, this morning I went into a meeting after which I pulled my boss aside and explained to him that I would be leaving the company towards the end of June, giving myself roughly two months to find a replacement source of income. I didn't tell him the exact reason why I was leaving for obvious reasons. I'm an excellent worker, so as I expected he was rather unhappy with the idea of losing me.

Here in lies the problem. In an attempt to get me to stick around he offered me a full time position which would not only double the amount of hours I would be getting, but would include a significant raise, and more importantly full health coverage. The job would be a marketing position that would basically make me the local face of the company to all of the churches in the area (obviously not something that would work indefinitely considering I would be representing a company that has actively taken a repeated stance against the LGBT community).

So I guess my question is, do you all think it would be wrong of me to take the job temporarily? The added money and health insurance would mean I would be able to pursue some of the more costly aspects of transitioning that would still be easier to hide (hair removal, HRT, etc.) Plus it would give me the financial stability necessary to start saving up for some of the more costly surgeries I will need later on. It's not as if I plan to actively transition as an openly transgender representative of the company in a way that might damage their reputation within the Christian community, but I'm just not sure how to progress with this.

Wow. Tough dilemma.  Would you be able to begin transition and not go full-time for a while basically staying stealth at work?  That might be tough with the changes on HRT.  If you're planning on leaving anyway, you could lay your cards on the table with your boss.  You'd have nothing to lose of you're going to leave anyway.

That's tough.  It might come down to choosing money vs transition.  How long before you have to decide? Could you start looking for another job and see what's out there?  Good luck!

Felicity:

My personal opinion (and it's worth what you paid for it) is that you should take the money.  If they find out and fire you, you're ahead anyway.

This Christian organization that you work for sounds like they would have no respect for you if you came out to them.  In doing so they are ignoring the teachings of their own prophet, Jesus.  I would have little respect for anyone or any organization that would be that hypocritical.  If they profess "hate the sin / love the sinner" it is a canard solely used to justify their repugnance.  They do not teach love, but blind adherence to an arbitrary set of rules cherry picked out of their bible.  That is not what Jesus taught.

If/when they find out, hold your head up and walk out with pride and dignity.  Leave and never look back.

Sorry if I offend, I've become a cynical old bat in my old age and have little tolerance for fools, liars, and haters.

-Sandy

Being reading several articles on this exact situation (minus the transition part), where the company offers better pay and better position to keep you, it isn't a good idea to take the offer.  In writings I've read, they suggest if you were valuable already they would have already given you this job. 

My suggestion would have been to go look for a new job, then give a two weeks notice, unless of course you're under contract to give a two month's notice.  You may need more than two months to find a job.

Take care,

Lexi

Hey Felicity

I'm puzzled, truly.  This is Christian organisation that is sufficiently enlightened to have accepted you as a gay male, but which would draw the line at your being transgender?  I really don't quite understand how this kind of selective acceptance works.  Please explain a little - atheists like me are a bit puzzled by such selective moral judgement. 

Either way, yes girl, take the job and the money!  Transition is slow if you're not an adolescent, and it's unlikely that your changes would be visible in a way that anyone would notice for quite some time, probably a year, even longer.

The main question is whether, mentally, you will be able to handle being a boy at work and a girl away from work.  Some biography for context:  I found the effort of being two different people quite exhausting.  As soon as I got home I became 100% girl- clothes, makeup, voice, social life.  To give you an idea of how hard it was, when I broke my hand in a bike fall and had to work from home for a month, I was overjoyed at being able to be a girl full time despite the horrendously painful physiotherapy.

There's no reason, however, to predict anything.  Just do your job as a competent person, and when things change, then deal with them with strength and clarity. 

Perhaps this organisation wouldn't even have a problem with you as a transgender woman if you looked and sounded the part.  When I switched my manager put me into an even more public role.  And nobody flinched.

Good luck!
Julia

Chi Girl, That was actually the plan. Keeping the job would mean I'd have to keep certain masculine traits anyway (no long hair, male clothing, because both men and women at the job wear pressed dress shirts, etc). As much as I hate the idea of having to temporarily remain in stealth mode, I think I could do it. I mean I've spent the last 10 years of my life raised in a similar church environment, so as crass as it is to say it, I've become good at hiding my true identity mostly out of self preservation 

Sandy, No offense taken. I've been around all types of Christians long enough to know the good from the bad. I suspect my co-workers and boss likely would still be on good terms with me as a person, it's the company whose views are problematic.

Lexi, Here's the thing, maybe I'm just being naive, but I'm pretty sure this job just barely came into existence within the last month or so. It's not so much an existing position that he was suddenly willing to promote me to just to keep me, but rather a new position that just opened up, or will be soon. I say that because there's been a lot of talk prior to this about restructuring the way we communicate with our local churches, as well as the fact that a survey was sent out to all employees regarding a number of restructuring plans within the company including questions about more full time positions being available. Maybe it really was just a ploy to keep me around, but considering I had just finished having a conversation with my boss during the meeting in which he explained that I was pretty much the only member of the management team he could always rely on, I suspect I was on the fast track to the position anyway.

Julia, Sorry for the confusion. Reading my original post I could see how that wouldn't make sense. To clarify, my work does not know that I am gay. If they did I would face termination. I knew that when I took the job, but I needed money at the time, and as screwed up as the companies politics are, I liked my coworkers so I never left. Even if I do take the position, I doubt I would keep it for more than 1.5 or 2 years. I believe I have the mental strength to handle remaining incognito at work for just that time, but once stuff like HRT starts I can't say.

As far as changing quickly, I don't expect that anything would happen so rapidly that I wouldn't be able to hide it. I turn 24 next month, so I'm young, but not a teen. Despite being rather tall, I've never been particularly masculine, at least physically speaking. There are Cis Women at my job who are more hairy than me, and that's before I shave my arms. Probably the biggest changes with HRT I would be worried about giving me away would be breast growth and facial changes. From what I've seen facial changes happen slowly and subtlety enough that I it might go unnoticed. Breasts I'm a bit more worried about because I already have natural A cup breasts even as I've lost weight. I've been that way since puberty, so I worry that my body might naturally be more prone to growing (which is wonderful in the long run, not so great for remaining in stealth mode at work).

Anyway, I feel like the consensus is leaning toward taking the job, which I think might be my most practical option at this point. Worst case scenario I can do as ChiGirl suggested and work until they find out. I mean I'd be facing losing the job either way right. 

Cool! I gave good advice! [emoji13]

Personally, take the promotion, work it for maybe a year and save money while searching for an equal or better position elsewhere.

I would take the job, but look for another at the same time. Being full time has been awesome and I won't ever consider going back in the closet, but I'm already out.

That reminds me of the lyrics from "Signs" by Five Man Electrical Band.

Quote"And the sign said "Long-haired freaky people need not apply"
So I tucked my hair up under my hat and I went in to ask him why
He said "You look like a fine upstanding young man, I think you'll do"
So I took off my hat, I said "Imagine that. Huh! Me workin' for you!""

I say, take it and be the best damn employee ever. EVER. Then when the time comes, THEY face the dilemma. Lose the best damn employee ever, look like real pricks, and face backlash of people that frequented or whatever type of company you work for associations...stuff... OR keep the best damn employee ever and face backlash against prejudiced bigots who wouldn't frequent their store anyway