Growing up, I always hoped that I'd somehow spontaneously generate enough testosterone to drop my voice, grow facial hair, stop periods, and be able to build muscle mass. I never had a high voice but at age 20, it started cracking and generally being wonky, the hair started to darken over my lip, and I felt angry all the friggin' time. I'm now 27, my speaking voice has dropped multiple times, and fluctuates between normal "female" and "male" ranges. I was in a choir as a tenor, and can sing from low tenor to high alto. I have to shave my face (especially my jawline) every. single. day. -.- I can build muscle more easily now than ever but I'm kind of horrible about exercising (working on it!).
But.
Because my speaking voice fluctuates, I don't sound consistently "male." I'm androgynous looking, and not really concerned with "passing." I don't even understand the "passing" thing. What am I supposed to be "passing" as? I'm already a guy. Haha. That said, I actually need to get rid of my periods because they're causing me pretty major problems, and I really want to build more muscle. I don't care about getting more hair because I'm gonna shave it off anyway.
So, I have two options: testosterone or birth control. I understand how T works in the body, what it does, and the general timing of events. But I don't really understand birth control. I know that Depo-Provera isn't an option because most people experience weight gain with it, and gaining weight triggers major dysphoria for me. An IUD isn't an option because it freaks me out. Biphasic or multiphasic pills also aren't an option because they specifically allow for periods. This leaves patches, subcutaneous implants, and pills that can completely end periods (I'm aware that there's still the possibility that my periods would only lighten rather than stop but even that would be medically advantageous at this point).
What I'd like to know is if anyone has experience with birth control patches/ implants/ pills. What side effects did you experience? I'm extremely worried about weight gain, having heavier periods, or experiencing any "feminizing" effects that can occur with some but not all option. I'd *prefer* to avoid estrogen because of a history of both breast and ovarian cancer in my family.
If I could find a type of birth control that worked at getting rid of my periods but didn't have any negative effects, I'd be willing to stay on it more or less indefinitely. I'm unwilling to stay on T for longer than 12-18 months because of concerns with hair loss and the long term side effects of being on T (I will not have a hysterectomy unless medically necessary).
My main concerns with going on T (would go on androgel), are losing my singing voice and with looking like someone else. I don't want to be a different person, just the best version of myself. Also, my singing voice is very much a part of my identity as a person so, I'm terrified of losing it.
Any experiences or thoughts would be greatly appreciated. I'm going to my doctor on Monday to discuss options.
-Ian