Quote from: Miharu Barbie on April 27, 2015, 04:24:17 PM
Okay, so, I never talk about my transgender history with employers, co-workers, most friends or acquaintances.  So the vast majority of people who know me today just don't know about my transgender past.  I keep it to myself because I find that once people know that I'm a trans woman, in their minds it becomes the most interesting thing about me... and frankly I don't believe that it's the most interesting thing about me.

Thank you for sharing your story...and I totally get this.  The vast majority of trans people get through transition and fade into a normal life.  And good for them!  But this makes it difficult to find good role models for those of us in the early stages of transition.

I go to a local support group pretty regularly, and 95% of the people there are visibly trans especially since most are early in transition.  Fortunately I live in Seattle where it's not such a big deal.  But I don't want to get stuck in this phase...I want to be like Miharu Barbie.

Regarding the career/employment issue, at most companies it's really all about performance.  They'd hire a blue person with three arms if they get results.  But at your age, Anna, you've got a lot more options than I do at 37.  Go to school, work towards a solid career, and start as a woman.  That's much easier than transitioning mid-career like I'm doing.

Quote from: Julia-Madrid on April 27, 2015, 05:54:04 PM
Being trans is like being handed a bad hand in poker:  maybe you can replace some cards and you'll come up with a flush, or maybe you can bluff your way to a win.  Both work, but you need to be smart about how you handle the cards you've been dealt.

As an avid poker player, I can vouch for this analogy.  If I'm holding a 2 and a 4, the odds are pretty good that someone else has a better hand.  But if I bet confidently, and represent my bad hand the same way I would a good hand, then I have just as good a chance of winning as someone with a better hand.  The point is to not focus on your rotten luck, because others will pick up on it.  Trust me. 

Quote from: amber roskamp on April 27, 2015, 07:13:55 PM
Omg to everyone that brings up punctuation and criticizes her quit it's rude. This is a support sight not a academic setting or a professional page so who gives a........

Personally, I don't think it's rude at all. It is difficult to read through a badly punctuated single paragraph.  Minor punctuation and spelling errors are no problems but when it dominates the entire post it becomes so easy to not read.

That said, I did grin and bear it while reading through it because I wanted to support and help her.

She's also asking for career and life advice. When people see that you write poorly punctuated, misspelled things they will think of you less favorably. It is especially true for employers.

This is not putting her down at all either! It is simply some helpful constructive criticism.

I didn't see any career advice, and she said screw punctuation within the first 3 sentences. anyways this isn't a post about grammar. it's about sharing stories of successful transitions to help encourage a fellow member so let's agree to disagree and switch back to the topic.

Anna,
Have read your op several times and the various replies. Wasn't sure if I could give you any relevant comments that would be helpful being an older (57) person only now starting to face my own gender issues. Dawned on me maybe I can because I've lived life and may be able to offer some food for thought.

Very few people cis or trans have a "perfect" life. Everyone experiences up's and downs, success and failure. Part of life is just dealing with the challenges we each face everyday.

You need to think about do you want to face the challenges of life as the person you truly are , and happy with the "face " looking back from the mirror everyday. Or would you rather face life everyday struggling with an internal self not matching the external self and gradually hating the face looking back more and more each day?

Speaking from personal experience the second choice isn't so great. It's hard to have a happy life when you hate the "face" looking back from the mirror everyday.

Quote from: Annabolton on April 26, 2015, 10:13:24 PM
well I have my first therapist appointment tomarrow and I couldn't be happier for that...its not to get on hormones(been on them for a year) and its not for surgery letters(it will be a long time till I can afford anything like that) it is simply to get help basically and to talk to someone who can hopefully help...

How was therapy?  I hope you're feeling substantially better today and that your new therapist turns out to be the perfect fit for your needs.

Quote from: Julia-Madrid on April 27, 2015, 05:54:04 PM
Dear Anna

You are taking an extremely negative view of the transgender situation, and I will be blunt and say that if this is how you see the world, you are going to have a miserable time of things.

I'm not suggesting that you should be prancing through a make-believe world of sunny meadows, but you will see here on this forum that the people who have been most successful at dealing with being transgender are those who embrace their difference as a journey worth taking, and very VERY actively work at making sure that their outcome is a positive one.

I have been mentoring quite a few transgender women over the past year, and it's crystal clear to me that attitude is everything.  There are transgender women here who are 6'5" tall and get called ma'am all day, as well as petite 5'7" girls who go into a meltdown whenever they suspect that someone is looking at them oddly.   Being trans is like being handed a bad hand in poker:  maybe you can replace some cards and you'll come up with a flush, or maybe you can bluff your way to a win.  Both work, but you need to be smart about how you handle the cards you've been dealt.

It also helps to work from a position of relative power, and to be the actor and director in the movie of your life.  While you are out there painting a desolate picture of transgender existence there are other people actively enjoying their transgender existence.  I'm not naïve about the very serious issues that many of our number face in terms of mental illness, discrimination and opportunities, but it seems to me that you have the means, if not presently the will, to proceed positively.

I am pleased that you have your first therapy session coming up, although I am dismayed that it has come so long after starting HRT.  Nevertheless, use the opportunity to look at how to deal with your situation in a positive way, and be realistic that you may have to work hard to get yourself into a positive place.

And finally I ask you a favour:  if you do want us to clearly understand your issues on this forum, please be kind to those of us who are spending our time on your posts and use punctuation, grammar and capitalisation.  That way we may be able to provide you with real help rather than sifting through a rant.

Regards
Julia

Excellent points Julia!