I received this complaint from a Mitch Lang via one of my admin who saw it posted to the facebook page, and took it down to investigate...

Mitch's Complaint reads:

QuoteAn SO (three children, spouse has a history of cheating on her) described her distressing situation on Susan's Place.
She was met with this response by one member of staff:-
'Frankly, your opinion on the matter is immaterial'
Is this really the sort of face Susan's Place wants to project?
This is NOT support.

Matt replied, "Hi Mitch, it's Matthew, I'm one of the admins from Susan's Place. Do you have logs from the incident you mentioned on the page? If so, please send them to me so we can take appropriate action."

Sounds bad, right? Until you look at it in context.

Here's the thread in question https://www.susans.org/forums/index.php/topic,186117.0.html

The wife had stated, "My husband came out to me, well multiple times in the last 15 months, and after 12 years of knowing him i just don't buy that he is transgender. let me explain. my husband likes women, no loves women. he loves strip clubs, porn, and any woman that is remotely attractive. a while ago about 5 years into out marriage i caught him cheating and we went to counseling and we worked out some relationship problems, and focus problems around what is important. so time passes and then he hits me with hes always been a women. ummm ok, i look at his childhood pictures and its all guy mode. he says, he always wanted to wear girl clothes, and wants to be called robin, hates his adams apple, etc..."

She continued, "...In my mind there is NO WAY he is transgender. am i wrong? i mean even therapist basically said he is not. i want my husband, and my life, and my sex with a male partner. "

This was Kelly's response:

QuoteFrankly, your opinion on the matter is immaterial.

Many of us have distinctly 'male' pasts, there are some ex special forces peoples floating around.. And cops, firies and any number of stereotypically 'male' occupations. I'm a trans woman who still has an interest in cars - including mechanical repairs. I've been known to enjoy a cigar and a single malt whiskey. None of which makes us any less trans. My sexual preferences have nothing to do with my gender, I just happen to prefer women. You'd never know to look at my past that I was really a woman, I wore the mask that society forced upon me quite well.

And as for your spouse backpedalling when threatened with divorce? Entirely understandable really, if you think about it..

Was this therapist a specialist in gender issues?

Kelly has a point. She stated the facts of the matter, and she did it in a polite way. The spouse's opinions on the validity of their spouse's transgender status has absolutely no bearing on the matter. They are transgender, or they would not have made the extremely tough decision to come out of the closet to the person they love. The fact that she persuaded her spouse to back-peddle is also immaterial.

In a supportive environment sometimes you have to tell someone the truths they do not want to hear, and in this case Kelly did that; Good job!

Yup.

I'd add that blaming Susan's Place because you got a bad answer to one of your posts is like blaming the highway department when the driver of the car next to you flips you off.

Plus she received a fair deal more input from other members and moderators... that wasn't the only response and the thread wasn't locked or deleted. She didn't recoil from Kelly's post (in fact, said "thank you").

At some point, we all wish we could have said something in a little better way.

And I guess we always have to remember that someone will make something out of a one line quote.

Not me, of course. I've never [cough] wanted to retract something I wrote  ~~~~~-----_______. Oops..  Hardly ever.....

Unfortunately it's incredibly easy to take something completely out of context, especially if you only quote one small part of it.