I'm 6ft tall, big everything, deep voiced (for males my size), and balding since I was 14. Yep, it sucks.

What sucks even more is having zero to very negative self-esteem. Having absolutely no sense of self worth. Having no hopes, wishes, or dreams... Well except one, the impossible dream.

Some very wise person once said "It takes balls to be trans". Though I felt I was trans since the age of four, I avoided taking on the challenge, for real. I played with it twice in my early 20's. Go laughed at, gawked at. I had a lifetime before that, of being a target for far different reasons. So I avoided handling being trans.

Eventually, some 30+ years later I found joy. I had hope, wishes, and dreams. I achieved my lifelong dream of being seen as and accepted as a woman. Funny thing is being trans still sucks.

Being a guy... well, that sucked even more. Big time

That's very similar to my story. I couldn't deal with it until now. Now that I have I've learned to love the journey.

Quote from: JoanneB on April 30, 2015, 08:24:43 PM
I'm 6ft tall, big everything, deep voiced (for males my size), and balding since I was 14. Yep, it sucks.

What sucks even more is having zero to very negative self-esteem. Having absolutely no sense of self worth. Having no hopes, wishes, or dreams... Well except one, the impossible dream.

Some very wise person once said "It takes balls to be trans". Though I felt I was trans since the age of four, I avoided taking on the challenge, for real. I played with it twice in my early 20's. Go laughed at, gawked at. I had a lifetime before that, of being a target for far different reasons. So I avoided handling being trans.

Eventually, some 30+ years later I found joy. I had hope, wishes, and dreams. I achieved my lifelong dream of being seen as and accepted as a woman. Funny thing is being trans still sucks.

Being a guy... well, that sucked even more. Big time

The journey of changing your current anatomical gender to a female anatomical gender, will, like any transgender's journey, be tough sometimes. Your worries about passing even after HRT and surgery are not unusual. If we had the perfect anatomical body (except genitals and breasts for the trans women and no breasts and genitals for the transguys), we wouldn't have to go through as much. Sometimes that happens, but I think most of us have things about ourselves that we question.

For me its height, I'm very short for a guy, and though my voice deepened, I don't have a large Adam's apple. I'm light complected, so I don't grow a good beard or have much body hair.

The question is, do you find it harder to live in the body of a gender you don't feel you identify with, or do the risks of not being "perfectly" female after transition, worse? The Journey through change is not easy, but  the above is what it really comes down to. It sounds like you need someone who has no investment in the outcome to talk to. Before starting out on a journey, make sure you want to make it.

sam1234